In general, when I encounter a post that needs action to fix, and I've done all that I can do to fix it, I'll leave a nice, constructive comment, and then take any action I deem necessary, such as downvoting and flagging/voting to close.
If the problems with the post are fixed, then hopefully the moderators will see that and mark my flag as helpful, and hopefully other users will see it's been fixed as well and then upvote the post.
However, since it generally takes five 3K close voters (or 500 rep users on beta sites), I will generally cast my vote. In many cases, the post is not going to be fixed, and I don't plan on coming back to check on every post that has had problems.
Remember, the purpose of reviews is to help keep the site clean and free of low quality material, as well as to educate users as to the norms of the site. If something needs to be fixed, we should make sure everyone is aware of the problem so that it can be dealt with appropriately, and so the post author learns what is expected so that he/she will become an awesome user.
In this case, the review is for a first post, and you successfully got the ball rolling by doing some of the editing work for the original poster. Hopefully, the user will use the momentum you've built to fix the remaining problems. Nice work! :)