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Pre Edit 4:

Pointing out that thread's popularity is a direct result of programming community interest in said subject, and that someone likely stands to become rich and/or famous by solving the problem none of the answers, save my own, came even close to resolving.

Long salutation describing my programming experience and implying that I am a programming genius even though I was educated as a philosopher. Ill-fitting analogy explaining that philosophers make better programmers than classically trained programmers.

Meandering post describing a minor issue and suggesting a poor/incomplete solution while also inferring that those who disagree are blatant rep whores.

Edit:

Major edit that changes the whole point of the question, nullifying any existing answers, and openly marveling at inability of others to understand this trivial but super-important request.

Edit 2:

Response to detracters, repeating what I already said in the comments.

Edit 3:

Reluctant acquiescence to community, asserting that community is still wrong but accepting that it cannot help me any further, and I'm leaving unsatisfied. Pointed comments directed towards specific users or answers publicly belittling them. Thanks to those who obviously understand the issue even though their solutions were grossly inadequate, calling into question their schooling and ancestry.

Complimentary closing,
Signature

P.S. Suggestion that people study My favorite Programming Book before answering such advanced questions as these on SO.

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locked by Robert Harvey Apr 2 '12 at 20:24

This question exists because it has historical significance, but it is not considered a good, on-topic question for this site, so please do not use it as evidence that you can ask similar questions here. This question and its answers are frozen and cannot be changed. More info: help center.

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preemptive comment asking that people give it serious consideration rather than closing it. –  Adam Davis Mar 12 '10 at 5:24
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Is this the bit where I edit the question title only to find it rolled back 10 minutes later? –  Erik Mar 12 '10 at 5:25
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follow up comment pointing out a dupe, then explaining how it's not an exact dupe by splitting hairs. –  Adam Davis Mar 12 '10 at 5:25
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What exactly are you asking? –  Josh K Mar 12 '10 at 5:25
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Comment about a missing screenshot which may or may not be required to further clarify the point. –  random Mar 12 '10 at 5:26
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Snarky comment about OP's 37% accept rate. –  mmyers Mar 12 '10 at 5:36
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@mmyers brash invitation to respond to all my questions with an answer I can accept while implying that the accept rate metric is ludicrous and should be abolished. –  Adam Davis Mar 12 '10 at 5:39
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@random, @pollyanna, @mmyers - generic comedic response alluding to a recent XKCD strip or /. post –  quack quixote Mar 12 '10 at 5:47
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superfluous request that this be made community wiki, or moved to SuperUser, implication being OP doesn't know how to use the computars. –  D_N Mar 12 '10 at 6:08
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Comment that starts out pithy, but then morphs into something which would be better posted as an answer. –  ChrisF Mar 12 '10 at 13:59
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So can we now flag every question on the site as a duplicate of this one? –  mmyers Mar 12 '10 at 18:53
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Another superfluous request that this be made community wiki, or moved to SuperUser, implication being OP doesn't know how to use the computars. (With apologies to D_N, but a comment like that has to be repeated. Preferably more than once.) –  David Thornley Mar 13 '10 at 18:23
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Comment bemoaning the general decline of SO since the halcyon days of beta. –  Michael Petrotta Mar 14 '10 at 6:30
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Is this homework? We won't do your work for you! –  Ether May 12 '10 at 0:23
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Smug observation that this isn't even a problem on Linux/OS X –  madlep May 12 '10 at 3:32
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44 Answers

Answer which does nothing more than repeat what has already been said, but posted 60 days after the question has been asked in the hopes it'll harvest one of those coveted [necromancer] badges.

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2  
Applause for agreeing with my answer instead of accepted answer. Expression of camaraderie and interest in exchanging contact information –  snicker May 12 '10 at 15:37
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This question reminds me of the age old conundrum:

Q: What is the velocity of butter?

Through much study and searching through dangerous jungles and encountering deadly beasts, I have finally found the most exquisite answer. In my generosity I will share this pearl of wisdom with you:

A: Greased lightning.

This is clearly superior to my previous best answer, which many people would be tempted to use, but further wisdom shows to be inadequate:

A (old): The velocity of butter is in a direct inverse proportion relating indistinctly to the mass of the moon.

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Answer posted by OP, explaining that he would accept an answer but is unable to because the question was migrated from another site to this one before he had an account here.

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Answer added months later describing joyfully a marvelous, wonderful, amazing library which will solve all your problems if you use it, and also sort all your files, search through your mail, and shoot rainbows all over your life.

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Comment about all the dead rainbows piling up around here with neat holes through them. –  David Thornley Jul 16 '10 at 22:10
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Useless reply to a random answer as if this was phpBB.

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Answer which doesn't solve the problem, added in hopes of an auto-award of the bounty (or failing that, then at least some extra upvotes from the attention the bounty draws).

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1  
Comment making fun of the first comment for being a combo breaker –  jmfsg Feb 17 '11 at 15:37
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Another answer posted after the topic has run out of steam which has no hopes of getting any upvotes.

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8  
I would upvote it, but I can't for two reasons, one of them obvious –  jmfsg May 12 '10 at 0:38
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Downvoted without comment on the reasons for doing so. –  jamiei May 12 '10 at 9:02
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Pre-edit #1: Ramble about figuring out at a much later date how relevant this topic is: how to hash.... And then the importance of discussing this topic: How do I answer....

A crappy answer that has nothing to do with the question - but who cares because it's at the bottom of the list.

EDIT: Attempt to explain how the question was misunderstood and overly apologetic - and go into great detail how rude the biting comments are while explaining that we are all human and tend to make mistakes - except for the OP, of course.

EDIT2: Blame my misunderstanding on @David Thornley's awful editing of the question. Explain how my answer would have been correct if someone had left the question alone...I think - maybe...

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Is anyone still working on this problem after two months? If you find the answer, please send teh codez to me at gnome@gnomemail.test.

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Answer added a few minutes after this one from a new user, agreeing on everything with the former, and claiming that this library really solved everything and more, and how grateful they are that this was created.

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Suggestion that answerer read FAQ. Flagged as spam –  snicker May 12 '10 at 15:38
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Why was this flagged as spam? It is a legitimate product that solves the OP's problem... and it worked for me! -user1290424 –  Pops Jul 16 '10 at 18:30
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@user1290424: Accusation of sock puppetry! Also, general cluelessness. –  Piskvor Oct 27 '10 at 11:46
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Extremely late answer which adds absolutely no value aside from serving to indicate a certain bullheaded ignorance of the system's suggestion to not post a new answer by its author.

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The answer that tells you that you've read far too many posts already, and that you start to get tired of the whole thread. And as you start reading the second sentence you've already forgotten what the question was about. This is when you're mind decides that there are other important things to think about, like what your voice inside your head sounds like. So you start to listen to the words that are read to you, by yourself. Why does it feel like I hear the words in my head when I'm only thinking them? Are these my own thoughts or am I reading what the poster wants me to read, to myself, in my own head. I wonder what's new in the Questions' section...

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The question relies on a wrong concept, you really shouldn't do it that way.
Now, I can't give any sample code and couldn't use the tools I recommend if my life dependent on it, but here's a link to a popular post, in hope my bald head reflects some of its shine.

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Comment about user's own non functioning code, mixing half learned languages and concepts together with syntax errors

public class I'mOO' {
    pulic static null main(String[] args) {
        System.Console.println("This is what you want, right?");
    }
}

Statement saying that this fixed own problem, OP's totally forgotten at this point.

Speling errors mixd with allegation that users wh can not complile this code are incompetent.

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