I am so sick of unicorns. Nowadays the only magical beast I can tolerate eating is Pegasus wings.
They have all the taste of chicken wings (plus the taste of turkey wings, dodo wings and John Wayne) except they're like the size of a fucking horse or something. I shit you not, they are huge. One wing is an entire meal for my family.
To bring out the real taste of a delicious Pegasus wing, here's how I typically go about preparing it:
- Two lemons
- One pegasus (two wings). I buy mine at Wal-Mart.
- Many flakes of stardust
- Aquatic kangaroo tail extract
- Two limes
- One secret ingredient (whose identity is a secret)
I start by ripping off the wings using a chain saw, then filing off the horn. I defeather the wings and marinade them in a mixture of lime, kangaroo extract, stardust flakes, lemon and water for about three hours.
While that is marinading I mix the secret ingredient with grated horn that I removed earlier, making a sauce. I take the shoes from the Pegasus's feet and put them on a barbecue to get them toasty (this will be used later).
Also, I generally swear at the top of my lungs at the leftover meat (legs, cheeks, pancreas, etc), because bad words are like searing pain to a being as beautiful (and delicious) as a Pegasus. Usually about after 30 minutes of swearing the meat is done. Your mileage may vary, as people have told me that my swearing is incredibly efficient (usually I just think about how much I hate Jeff Atwood and it just comes pouring out). If you are mute, then this isn't really a viable way to cook your meat, so I suggest downloading any of Bill Cosby's comedy acts. That motherfucker cooks Pegasus in no time.
Now the wings should be marinated, so I grab the white-hot horseshoes and hang the wings over an open flame using them. Two shoes per wing. Being so delicate, the wings are usually done in about four minutes. Overdoing them will completely ruin the John Wayne flavour and it will end up tasting like Jonathan Sampson instead. Trust me, you don't want that to happen.
Cut and serve with coleslaw and potato salad. Serves eight.
The hooves and bones go the dog. If you don't have a dog, you can make a nice musical instrument out of most of the Pegasus's bones since they're hollow like a bird's.