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I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

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migrated from stackoverflow.com Jul 24 '09 at 18:24

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354  
Who the hell is Jon Skeet? –  thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
39  
@thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. –  Dexter Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
2  
Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) –  VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
1  
@VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) –  Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
8  
Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? –  Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
1  
Skeet is stackoverflow... –  Andy Jul 3 '09 at 13:46
3  
Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? –  staticx Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
2  
"I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... –  Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26

291 Answers 291

Jon Skeet doesn't unit test.

Jon Skeet is the unit test.

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Jon Skeet is the open source alternative to Resharper

Jon Skeet has no need for SCRUM - Jon Skeet is a one-man waterfall.

EDIT

To Jon Skeet Open Source, Closed source and non existing source is all the same.

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Jon Skeet wrote the very first working C# compiler in C#.

Jon Skeet plans to use SHA-3 as a very efficient compression algorithm.

Jon Skeet has no problems writing multithreaded code, whenever there's a race condition, he always wins.

Jon Skeet knows what "PC Load Letter" means

Jon skeet once wrote a production quality OS kernel using nothing but Microsoft Project

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Jon Skeet has proven that his toaster is monadic.

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4  
Yup, it wanders over hills and into valleys, living off the land; a life of toast-making independence, free from the ties of a fixed abode. –  Jon Skeet Nov 27 '08 at 20:41
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Oh, MONADIC. I've always had trouble with Ms and Ns... –  Jon Skeet Nov 27 '08 at 20:41
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This is now my highest rated answer. Sigh. –  Earwicker Dec 4 '08 at 16:36

WOPR actually said: "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play against Jon Skeet."

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I can't help but try out a few of my own:

  • Hofstadter's Law states: "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account." Skeet's Law states: "When Jon Skeet needs something done, it will blink into existence already complete, regardless of any other laws you take into account. He then punches Hofstadter in the amygdala... ONLY the amygdala."

  • Jon Skeet has no heart. His brain pulsates strongly enough to circulate blood.

  • Jon Skeet was unhappy with binary, so he invented his own number system called "Skeetnary". It's a base-infinity system.

  • Jon Skeet once caused a stack overflow in his brain when he tried to comprehend his own greatness. We refer to it as "The Big Bang."

  • The first rule of Jon Skeet is "You do not talk about Jon Skeet!" The second rule... oh crap!... BOOM!!!... (Jon Skeet telepathically explodes gnovice's head)

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When Jon Skeet gets sent to /dev/null, he survives.

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2  
oh my god.he is cross-platform. –  Behrooz Mar 17 '11 at 18:49
  • Jon Skeet doesn't answer questions. He just looks at his keyboard and it begins typing out of fear.
  • Jon Skeet's tag inspired the rest of the tags on the site.
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Jon Skeet does not have to end his code statements with semi-colons.

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3  
So: you idolize VB programmers? –  Joel Coehoorn Nov 21 '08 at 22:22
  • If Jon-Skeet's program fails to compile they fix the compiler.
  • Jon-Skeet's has written a SCM platform of his own. It downloads code from his brain while he sleeps.
  • Jon-Skeet doesn't program, he just draws on the Code. A type of force in the universe that was spawned at his birth.
  • The original abacus wasn't invented. It was Jon-Skeet as a baby.

More

  • The halting problem was invented by Jon-Skeet. He sees it as a solution, not a problem.
  • Jon-Skeet helped the aliens invent the transistor.
  • Each strand of Jon-Skeet's hair is a CPU core. He has a tiny black hole in his brain where he stores data.
  • Jon-Skeet thought it may be funny to be able to prove that 1 != 1 when he invented mathematics.

  • Jon-Skeet doesn't sleep, he just serializes for a few hours.

  • The underflow error thrown by (chuckNorris / jonSkeet) can never be caught or handled.

Even More

  • Microsoft is a JSVP (Jon Skeet Valued Professional)
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While in the act of inventing recursion, Jon Skeet paused to invent recursion.

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Q: What language did God code the universe in?

A: None of them. God didn't code the universe, but rather asked Jon Skeet to do it. God said "please".

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2  
That is blasphemous. But... amazing. –  Jonathan C Dickinson Nov 26 '08 at 5:48

Mozilla originally wanted to name the "awesome bar" the "Skeet bar", but Jon thought that would be pushing things a little too much.

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Jon Skeet handles all my exceptions

try
{
    // insert code here
}
catch(Exception ex)
{
  JonSkeet(ex);
}
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When Jon Skeet takes a break, SO Server comes to idle.

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Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, Jon Skeet already changed them, all at once, with a generic recursive structure using reflection

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  • MD5 checksum of 'Jon Skeet' is 'Jon Skeet'.
  • When Jon Skeet performs a select on a non-existing table, the DB engine creates it on-the-fly
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7  
I think I need to replace my computer... I keep getting 94a2e4c02f5c151aba35ea275c1270c0 –  user134495 Oct 19 '09 at 17:00

Jon Skeet could explain every answer to this question to your Mom.

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Jon Skeet is so good that he is the only guy allowed to use multiple inheritance in C#.

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Jon Skeet can do "undo" (^Z), even writing over a paper sheet!

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5  
Except Jon Skeet never NEEDS to undo anything. He always gets it right first time. –  Mark Pim May 7 '09 at 15:35

If Chuck Norris needs software, he will ask Jon Skeet to write it.

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Jon Skeet is NP-complete.

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Jon Skeet's Map-Reduce implementation collapses the known universe into a singularity

Jon Skeet implemented an algorithm to reverse entropy

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Jon Skeet can compress 1GB of information into one byte.

Jon Skeet doesn't needs drivers, he tells the hardware what to do.

Jon Skeet's computer can't take viruses, they're too afraid of him.

Jon Skeet can speak to computers, because he compiles his thoughts.

When Jon Skeet needs an operating system, the OS writes himself.

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Jon Skeet creates Java classes that are both final and abstract.

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For Jon Skeet, a stack overflow is nothing but a poorly capitalised name of a popular website for developers.

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Jon Skeet NEVER has to "su -root".

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Jon Skeet wrote a compiler - and compiled himself.

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Jon Skeet beat the boss at the last level of C#, and got every achievement possible, even a couple that was never added.

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Jon Skeet solved the halting problem.

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5  
I might have done, or I might not. Your job is to determine the answer in a finite amount of time :) –  Jon Skeet Nov 25 '08 at 20:20

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