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I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

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Who the hell is Jon Skeet? –  thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
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@thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. –  Dexter Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
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Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) –  VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
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@VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) –  Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
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Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? –  Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
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Skeet is stackoverflow... –  Andy Jul 3 '09 at 13:46
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Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? –  staticx Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
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"I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... –  Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
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291 Answers

  • Jon Skeet keeps a daily backup of the Internet on his USB pendrive.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't know how to debug — he doesn't need to.
  • Jon Skeet can reach the Ballmer peak with distilled water.
  • Now Linux runs also on Turing machines, thanks to Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet wrote a beautiful concerto for piano and orchestra which is also an ISO C compiler, after score2binary conversion.
  • Jon Skeet's mouse has upvote, downvote and flag offensive buttons.[citation needed]
  • The Wall Street crisis was caused by a downvote to a Jon Skeet answer.
  • When Jon Skeet reaches Captain Hewgill, the world will end.
  • Only Jon Skeet knows that this sentence is true.
  • Jon Skeet is the author of The Book of Answers, programmer's edition. In a moment of frustration, yesterday I opened it at a random page. It said: "You are trying to dereference a null pointer at line 525". Damn it, it was true!
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God is real. Unless Jon Skeet declares it integer.

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Jon Skeet mentioned my name in a comment and my reputation went up.

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And now I got a "nice answer" badge as a result. –  Darron Dec 21 '08 at 4:26
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"Jon Skeet" is the Internet come alive. It's a cover name for all the world's computers forming themselves into a massive grid & amusing themselves on StackOverflow. His name is an anagram of "Net's Joke" - how obvious could it be?

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You just blew my mind. ...yes, five months later. –  ajm Jul 7 '09 at 19:13
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Jon Skeet can reopen closed question on SO :)

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this one is now completely true... In fact, Marc Gravell can now open them with no help at all :-P –  Timothy Carter Jul 1 '09 at 17:45
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Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 1.55 seconds - that's how long it takes for him to simulate a universe from birth to heat death.

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  • When Jon Skeet scribbles something on a napkin, it's encoded in UTF-8, well-formed XML, and is an ISO standard. He does not need to request for comments.

  • The truly serious hacker should consider learning C#, not Lisp. Because Jon Skeet wrote a book on C#.

  • When Jon Skeet writes once, it does run everywhere. Regardless of the language.

  • Jon Skeet uses butterflies.

  • Jon Skeet reads your e-mail.

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+1 for “he does not need to request for comments.” –  Konrad Rudolph Nov 25 '08 at 8:13
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  • Modern DNS systems ask Jon Skeet for the best route to the host.
  • Any function written by Jon Skeet can only return 42. Co-workers have yet to report any errors caused by this.
  • Windows displays the BSOD when Jon Skeet nears it.
  • Jon Skeet programs in Binary, then compiles it into human-readable code.
  • Jon Skeet once wrote a program that segfaulted. There were no survivors.
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  • Jon Skeet can make IE obey his CSS rules.

  • Jon Skeet writes poems. In Assembly.

  • Jon Skeet's comments compile and run as expected.

  • All of a CPU's ALUs and FPUs can be replaced by a singe JSU (Jon Skeet Unit).

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Jon Skeet is good, but NO ONE is good enough to make IE obey CSS rules! –  SirDemon Apr 7 '09 at 22:10
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+1 for the IE still smiling –  gsharp Feb 19 '11 at 14:50
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When Jon Skeet calls a method, it fires, even if it doesn't exist. The C# team noticed this, and added the dynamic keyword into C# 4.0...Originally it was going to be called the jonskeet keyword.

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Console.WriteLine(typeof(System.Object).BaseType);

Output:

JonSkeet.System
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Shouldn't that be JonSkeet.System? –  Gamecat Feb 26 '09 at 15:16
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  • Jon Skeet does not write code. He edits binaries by hand while they are running.
  • Jon Skeet invented C. When asked what he used to write it he replied "C++".
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Jon Skeet created the matrix using COBOL because he was bored.

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i earned almost all of my reputation just by answering questions with "See Jon Skeet's answer"

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Aww, Jon Skeet's comment got deleted (I guess it wasn't 15 characters). For future reference, he said "So did I. :)". –  mmyers Jul 24 '09 at 18:36
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  • Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet's retarded cousin.
  • Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
  • Unary operators happilly accept multiple operands from Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet can perform a low-level format on a hard drive simply by gently breathing on it.
  • Spyware has an awkward feeling that it's being watched.
  • When Jon Skeet finishes editing a question on Stack Overflow it auto-locks.
  • Whenever Jon Skeet's hands prep themselves to type a key on a keyboard, somewhere in the world a bug fixes itself.
  • Every time Jon Skeet clicks Post Your Answer an infertile woman conceives a child.
  • Jon Skeet is the only Stack Overflow user who is allowed to vote up his own answers.
  • Jon Skeet's answers don't have a vote down arrow.
  • Jon Skeet found 256 errors in TAOCP.
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  • Jon Skeet once wrote a switch-statement back in the 80s. He hasn't written one since because it's still serving all his switching needs, and yours too, had you only access to it.

  • When Jon Skeet stands up from his chair and walks over to the printer, his pyjamas creates enough static electricity to power a city. Too bad he never needs any print-outs.

  • Jon Skeet can easily and leisurely read 400 words per minute, write 40 lines of code per minute, play chess in his head, build a server from three C64s, juggle 7 oranges and repeatadly refresh his browser window, all at the same time, in perfect time slices of 10ms per task. (And yes, the oranges freeze in mid-air when Jon Skeet switches context, although it happends so fast, it looks perfectly smooth.)

  • Jon Skeet has 2 keyboards so that he can type at full speed on one while the other is cooling down.

  • Jon Skeet's desktop background is a picture of his desktop background. You wouldn't understand it even if you saw it.

  • Do you know why there's a shadow under your mouse cursor? Jon Skeet has hidden a small camera under it, so that he can see what you're clicking on.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jon Skeet is going to find out why...

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Geico saved 0xf percent by switching to Jon Skeet.

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Jon Skeet is the violent psychopath that knows where you live

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When Jon Skeet programs in Forth, it automatically becomes First.

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Jon Skeet can ROLLBACK after a successful COMMIT.

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  • When you find a bug in Jon Skeet's code, you are wrong: it is a feature
  • There's no need to set the optimization flags when compiling Jon Skeet's code: it cannot be optimized further
  • For any problem, Jon Skeet's algorithm run faster than the theoretical lower bound
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  • Jon Skeet already discovered the Higgs boson using a 6th grade chemistry set and a laser pointer.
  • Jon Skeet renamed the Higgs boson to "Jon Skeet" so CERN wouldn't find it.
  • Jon Skeet is developing a new game "Coding Hero" for us to play so we can pretend to be as cool as he is.
  • Jon Skeet has already defeated the Lich King, solo.
  • Jon Skeet's hard disk self-defragments, not by schedule but by fear.
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+1 for the "Coding Hero" game. I would really like to see such game! –  Konamiman Nov 19 '09 at 12:43
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Jon Skeet doesn't use compiler... he types executable files in notepad.

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Jon Skeet's wisdom is so profound that when he answers a question about C#, the world's accumulated knowledge about everything else increases by 50%.

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Jon Skeet's keyboard has only two buttons: 1 and 0

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Only one key surely, pressed (1) and released (0), and input is done at a fixed frequency (a la serial comms). –  Skizz Dec 3 '08 at 14:19
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last heard.. he got rid of that key too.. Its amazing what JS can do with reflection and blinking. :) –  Gishu Dec 3 '08 at 16:27
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Q: Jon Skeet once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding contest. Who won?
A: Jon Skeet. Twice.

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Jon Skeet fixed PC Load Letter. ^

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Jon Skeet doesn't write answers in response to questions, he writes the answers then waits for the question to be asked.

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Jon Skeet can bit-shift in 3 dimensions, not just left and right, but up/down, and forward/back too!

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... not to mention quark, strangeness and charm. –  Remou Dec 3 '08 at 17:15
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