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I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

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migrated from stackoverflow.com Jul 24 '09 at 18:24

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Who the hell is Jon Skeet? –  thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
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@thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. –  Dexter Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
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Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) –  VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
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@VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) –  Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
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Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? –  Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
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Skeet is stackoverflow... –  Andy Jul 3 '09 at 13:46
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Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? –  staticx Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
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"I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... –  Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
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291 Answers 291

JON SKEET = 42

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Google translate fears his name: "Jon Skeet" is translated to "Jon $ keet $"

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Jon skeet knows WHY the meaning of life is 42. It's not mentioned in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy because Douglas Adams did not dare to ask.

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Jon Skeet was once asked to review the software of the US nuclear defense program. Naturally, he wasn't allowed to see the source code for security reasons or talk to anyone who wrote it. He still found 3 bugs in it, that would probably have lead to world destruction by now.

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  • Jon Skeet has the gold jon-skeet badge: Earned 1000 upvotes for answers in the jon-skeet tag
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Even Jesus has a "WWJD" shirt..."What would Jon do?"

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Did you know that Jon Skeet answers each google search personally?

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Jon Skeet could teach c# to Paris Hilton, and he could get her a reputation of 1k on SO.

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:D you should capture THAT in a video and post it on U-tube, it would possibly get more views than that shabby porn of hers... –  MasterPeter May 11 '09 at 22:37
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Can't you make it at least SEMI-believable? –  mmyers May 12 '09 at 15:37
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Jon Skeet is the real Stig!

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Jon Skeet can parse HTML with regular expressions.

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Here is my humble attempt(s):

General:

  • Jon Skeet can encode HD video with his toaster.
  • Jon Skeet can run Visual Studio on his Mac.
  • Jon Skeet once traveled faster than the speed of light in a vacuum. Then he sped up a bit.

Windows

  • Jon Skeet had a PC with Windows ME installed on it that had an uptime of 24 consecutive months.
  • Jon Skeet can make a webpage that looks the same in ALL browsers - even IE6!
  • Jon Skeet can make Windows POSIX-compliant.
  • Unlike most, Jon Skeet can get > 1 Mbps out of his Internet connection on Windows.

HTML

  • Jon Skeet once got bored and made HTML Turing-Complete.
  • Jon Skeet can create a decent looking website using DIVs instead of tables.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't use the w3c validator, the w3c validator uses Jon Skeet.

Perl

  • Jon Skeet can write a RegEx that will match against a syntactically correct Perl script.

Python:

  • import jon_skeet is the only import in all of Skeet's scripts - it includes everything.
  • All of Jon Skeets code runs unmodified in Python 2 and 3.

C++

  • Jon Skeet once created two functions that differed only by their return type - and the compiler happily compiled the code and knew which one to invoke each time.
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@Perp: ...but I'm referring to the original Apple Macintosh. –  uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN Aug 10 '10 at 1:52
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Jon Skeet will pause time rather than shorten his presentations.

(verified source)

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  • Jon Skeet invented the internet.
  • Jon Skeet knows the question that goes with '42'. He also knows the answer, and Douglas Adams reported it wrong: it's Jon Skeet.

I wonder if this will make the podcast?

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Jon Skeet knows the perfect answer to any question anyone will ever ask because GOD told him the administrator password of the machine that the entire universe runs on.

Jon Skeet created StackOverflow.com and let Jeff Atwood take the credit so that other users won't think he uses a cheat to increase his rep.

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Jon Skeet is so powerful even HE can't list all his amazing attributes in one post!

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A classic paradox!! –  AR Nov 25 '08 at 18:44
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On a horse made of crystal Jon Skeet patrols the land,
  with a Mason Ring and schnauzer in his perfect hands.

He once held an opponent's wife's hand...in a jar of acid
  ...at a party.

edit: It's from here.

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because (a) it's not funny, (b) the context is not obvious, and (c) it seems to advocate violence against women. –  Steven A. Lowe Dec 19 '08 at 5:56
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i watched the video so i now have the context - i guess there's no accounting for taste... the video is juvenile and sick, and not the good kind of 'hip' sick, more like the wtf-is-wrong-with-you sick. So now this post is even more offensive because it makes me think of that stupid video. –  Steven A. Lowe Dec 23 '08 at 5:19
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Aaargh! now that #@$% song is stuck in my head! out! out! out! –  Steven A. Lowe Dec 23 '08 at 5:20
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Jon Skeet never debugs code. His keyboard doesn't have the F5 key nor does his IDE have the "Start with Debugging" option.

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For linuxers:

SUDO = Skeet User Did a Order

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  • Jon Skeet wrote a copy protection system that even Jon Skeet couldn't hack.
  • Jon Skeet programmed his refrigerator to also work as a Microwave.
  • Jon Skeet's firewall subjects data packets to severe interrogation before letting them through.
  • Jon Skeet also designed a better search algorithm than Google. Now Google is paying him to keep it under wraps.
  • If Jon Skeet designed semiconductor chips, he'd make Moore's law seem like snail-pace.
  • Jon Skeet can answer every question on SO before one of us can read them.
  • Heck! Jon Skeet can answer a question before it occurs to the guy who asked it.
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Jon Skeet knows more about jQuery than John Resig does.

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Jon Skeet's infinite loops complete in finite time.

Jon Skeet's recursive functions need no base-case; they know when their work is done.

Jon Skeet's recursive algorithms don't overflow the stack; they build a bigger stack.

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As of C# 4.0 all void methods will actually return JonSkeet

And what is the JonSkeet class?

[TestFixture]
public class JonSkeetTests {
  [Test]
  [ExpectedException(typeof(JonSkeetIsEternalException))]
  public void Cannot_instantiate_JonSkeet {
    var a = new JonSkeet();
  }

  [Test]
  [ExpectedException(typeof(JonSkeetAlreadyKnewThatYouFoolException))]
  public void Cannot_add_to_JonSkeet_knowledge {
    JonSkeet.Eternal.AddKnowledge(new Fact());
  }
}

Not that JonSkeet would ever use a static property as an accessor to a singleton

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There is only one question that Jon Skeet struggles to answer:-

"How do you feel?...How do you feel?...How do you feel?"

(Now then, how many developers get the reference and how many are prepared to own up to it?).

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During Joel Spolsky and Jeff Atwood's live podcast, Jon Skeet passed by. His reputation points tripled that day.

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No, you mean their reputation points tripled, not his! –  Jay Atkinson Jun 14 '09 at 5:32
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Jon Skeet answers correctly before you can wholly formalize your question.

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  1. Brad Adams used to consult Jon Skeet.
  2. Analysis of Jon Skeet's DNA revealed C# code.
  3. Jon Skeet's can run Full Text Search of MSDN from his mind.
  4. Jon Skeet is an A.I Program running on stackoverflow.com created by Jeff Atwood.
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JonSkeet === 42   //true
Jon Skeet IS the Answer.

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He makes sure that new questions on Stackoverflow appear on the first page of Google thirty minutes before they have been asked.

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Encyclopedia Britannica lookup for "rhetorical question":

rhetorical question n
  1. a statement that is formulated as a question but that is not supposed to be answered
  2. a SO question from Jon Skeet
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  • Jon Skeet has no need for backups. If his hard drives fails, he restores his files from memory.
  • Jon Skeet types at Warp 10, which isnt even possible.
  • Jon Skeet never needs to query databases - they are already asking him what he wants.
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I don't think that a hard drive owned by Jon Skeet will ever dare to fail. –  Konamiman Dec 11 '09 at 12:05
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