-153
votes

The system should search posts for the word "please" in proximity to the phrase "don't close" or "do not close", and if found together disable the close link for the following reasons:

  • They asked nicely
  • They knew enough about the system to understand that posts can be closed, and thus are experienced enough to know when their own question is perfectly valid and reasonable

Please consider this question an opportunity to consider the issue carefully. I'll convert it to a feature request when abs(votes) > 100, until then it'll merely be a discussion.

25
  • 34
    But sometimes they're wrong, even if they ask nicely.
    – Troyen
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:02
  • 37
    I'm sorry, but this proposal is fatally flawed. I mean, if they can't even be bothered to use "pretty please", how do we know they're sincere?
    – Tim Stone
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:10
  • 10
    Bounty bonanzas no longer doing it for you?
    – random
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:15
  • 63
    I can't help but notice that you haven't explicitly asked for this question to not be closed. Voting to close.
    – Pops
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:18
  • 3
    @Popular I see no close votes, flagged as unconstructive. (NB: Please do not flag this comment. Pretty please.)
    – Daniel DiPaolo
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:23
  • 12
    Please don't downvote this into oblivion because abs(-101) > 100 would be true.
    – Rick Sladkey
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:24
  • 16
    Next you'll be asking me not to delete answers that include "I know this isn't an answer, but..." It's a slippery slope.
    – Bill the Lizard
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:28
  • 13
    But...but...it's not even Friday! This is an attempt to lose all of that "extra" rep, isn't it?
    – Cody Gray - on strike
    Jul 20, 2011 at 4:00
  • 23
    I believe the absolute opposite should be done.
    – user1228
    Jul 20, 2011 at 12:46
  • 2
    @Tim: "Pretty-please, with sugar on top."
    – user102937
    Jul 20, 2011 at 18:44
  • 1
    I almost want to upvote this simply for the brilliant answers it generated.
    – David Z
    Jul 23, 2011 at 23:03
  • 1
    possible duplicate of Why can't we close questions with bounties?
    – McCannot
    Aug 3, 2011 at 3:19
  • 1
    Will it also search for Plzz?
    – Gary
    Nov 9, 2011 at 23:13
  • 5
    NOOOOO!!! Stop upvoting!!!
    – Naftali
    Dec 15, 2011 at 19:46
  • 16
    You have created slim fast for reputation. Amazing.
    – user50049
    Dec 16, 2011 at 8:38

13 Answers 13

Reset to default
143
votes
+500

I would suggest that rather than closing these questions, we set up a migration path to Yahoo Answers. To prevent it from being abused, it would only be available when the system finds:

"please" in proximity to the phrase "don't close" or "do not close"

9
  • 37
    ...wow. That is brutal.
    – McCannot
    Jul 22, 2011 at 18:24
  • 2
    @camccann I think you would agree that this is a better solution that your very good suggestion previously accepted.
    – Pollyanna
    Jul 22, 2011 at 18:40
  • 5
    @Adam Davis: I am in absolute agreement. My solution was, I think, merely practical; this one is art.
    – McCannot
    Jul 22, 2011 at 18:43
  • 9
    Beware: This very question meets the specified criterion.
    – Rick Sladkey
    Jul 25, 2011 at 4:00
  • haha, nice idea, indeed
    – oleschri
    Jul 25, 2011 at 9:04
  • 4
    I actually favorited this question just for this answer.
    – Gary
    Nov 9, 2011 at 23:12
  • @Dennis, They can't invent enough badges to satiate my appetite for bling.
    – TCPMAN.EXE
    Jun 8, 2012 at 17:24
  • Still, 1,515 rep, 2 bronze badges, 2 silver badges and 2 gold badges for a single answer are not too shabby.
    – Dennis
    Jun 8, 2012 at 17:30
  • @mootinator Congratulations, you've been selected for a chance to win this year's Satire Badge. It comes with a mahogobolony plaque topped with a goldenrod plating that symbolizes the Grate Audacity of satarists averywear. Upon winning, you'll have an opportunity to order a copy of your plaque for $55.99 + shipping and handling. Part of the proceeds go toward the Yave-Bin O'Conned charity to halp caustic typers find a cure for their aleness. Good luck!
    – Lee Louviere
    Aug 9, 2013 at 18:02
111
votes
+500

The system should search posts for the word "please" in proximity to the phrase "don't close" or "do not close", and if found together disable the close link for the following reasons:

I think this is actually a good idea. Requesting that their question not be closed indicates that they have a solid understanding of what constitutes an appropriate question, in that they're clearly aware that they're presently asking one that isn't.

Given that, I think it's reasonable to grant their request and prevent other users from closing the question by preemptively closing it automatically. This will replace the "close" link with the "reopen" link, so I believe this adequately fulfills the spirit of your request.

5
  • 8
    Unalloyed genius.
    – jscs
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:36
  • 40
    ø¤A+++++ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºGREAT STACKOVERFLOWERº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤øø¤ºWOULD ASK AGAINº¤ø¤ºEXCELLENTº¤ø
    – Pollyanna
    Jul 20, 2011 at 10:28
  • 6
    I see what you did there.
    – user1228
    Jul 20, 2011 at 12:49
  • 7
    slow clapping Well done sir.
    – Fosco
    Jul 20, 2011 at 19:00
  • 1
    Please ask this as a genuine request... I would support it.
    – Lawrence Dol
    Jul 23, 2011 at 1:07
52
votes

They knew enough about the system to understand that posts can be closed, and thus are experienced enough to know when their own question is perfectly valid and reasonable

I disagree. Usually when I see this, what they're really saying is:

Look, I know this question doesn't belong here. I really want to ask it though. So I'll just ask nicely that you not close it, and we'll be cool, k?

That isn't the kind of behavior we want to encourage.

3
  • 18
    You made a typo, the k at the end of the second blockquote should be kthxbye.
    – jonsca
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:17
  • 32
    @jonsca -1 What nonsense phrase is that; Everyone knows it's kthxbai.
    – TCPMAN.EXE
    Jul 20, 2011 at 18:24
  • I thought it was coythonksbee.
    – Lee Louviere
    Aug 9, 2013 at 18:03
52
votes
+500

This answer is not an answer, but please don't flag it as "not an answer", and please don't downvote it.

5
  • 8
    Tongue-in-cheek, obviously, but where do we draw the line with this one. It's more likely to be the people posting crap that are going to rail against it being closed. A conscientious user would take the opportunity to figure out what needed editing and fix it.
    – jonsca
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:13
  • For reference I got a flag weight bump for flagging as not an answer. Because it's not.
    – Daniel DiPaolo
    Jul 29, 2011 at 2:15
  • 2
    @Daniel Honestly not sure what the point of telling me that was, but okay.
    – jonsca
    Jul 29, 2011 at 2:19
  • 3
    it pays to not listen to you!
    – Daniel DiPaolo
    Jul 29, 2011 at 2:25
  • This is the best one so far
    – Adam Rackis
    Jan 26, 2012 at 22:34
40
votes
+500

enter image description here

This is an artistic statement, please do not downvote it.

5
  • 5
    The above is slightly more tongue-in-cheek than you will think it is after you've read this. Also, this is not a comment, but please don't flag it. (also, apologies to both Magritte and jonsca for the shameless imitation)
    – McCannot
    Jul 20, 2011 at 4:29
  • 2
    Don't worry, I'm plenty ashamed of you. Oh, oops.
    – jonsca
    Jul 20, 2011 at 7:04
  • 9
    -1 for beating that dead horse
    – user1228
    Jul 20, 2011 at 12:51
  • @Won't: A fair point, I agree. Given the absurdity of the question I felt guilty for only posting a sensible answer like "automatically close it for them". This answer is, I think, sufficiently frivolous to bring my net useful contribution back down to breaking even.
    – McCannot
    Jul 20, 2011 at 16:37
  • 2
    @Won't ಠ_ಠ♦: That is not a horse.
    – user151803
    Sep 7, 2011 at 19:02
37
votes

I'm having a hard time believing that this is even a serious proposal. I read your post three times.

jonsca's satire is spot on. This would open up a loophole for crappy questions so large you could pilot the Queen Mary 2 through it.

Slushie flavors ???

What is your favorite flavor of slushie?

Please don't close this.

And now no-one can vote to close? Really? I assume that mods would still have the ability to close a question;* do you really want to delegate 99% of closings to them? That's exactly what would happen as soon as users who "know enough about the system" figure this out and start doing end-runs around one of the main quality filters here.

Someone who says "Please don't close this" obviously, as you say, has a suspicion that their question might be closed. There's already a way to make sure that doesn't happen -- write a good question that fits well on the site.

*If not, then I am absolutely incredulous.

3
  • 14
    +1 for "not sure if this is serious" Most of the questions that I see literally begging not to be closed are figuratively begging for just the opposite.
    – Cody Gray - on strike
    Jul 20, 2011 at 3:59
  • You made me lookup "incredulous" now for the second time...
    – Time Traveling Bobby
    Jan 25, 2012 at 16:03
  • 3
    I love slushies!
    – Pollyanna
    Mar 1, 2012 at 16:41
19
votes
+500

In the end, you can never have enough jQuery ^_^

That always prevents my questions from being closed.

when worse comes to worse

3
  • 5
    $('#answer-116145').find('.vote-up-off').trigger('click'); // it's really great and does all things
    – Shawn Chin
    Dec 15, 2011 at 16:48
  • 1
    +1 for the nice miniature image only.
    – Daniel Daranas
    Jan 13, 2012 at 17:31
  • @ShawnChin I prefer the alternative: $('#answer-116145').find('.vote-down-off').trigger('click'); I noticed it worked in my console. :)
    – Web_Designer
    Mar 19, 2013 at 7:51
14
votes

They knew enough about the system to understand that posts can be closed, and thus are experienced enough to know when their own question is perfectly valid and reasonable

Not really.

You'll also get "please don't close" from 1 rep users asking the same question the third time, after the previous two got closed for various reasons.

11
votes
+50

Please consider this question an opportunity to consider the issue carefully. I'll convert it to a feature request when abs(votes) > 100, until then it'll merely be a discussion.

I'm glad to see that you really did this.

Please don't convert this answer to a comment.

8
votes

Oileee Oileee Oleioloooooooooooooooooooo....

Please don't downvote this!

Please upvote this!

Please see if you can repcap this answer daily 500 times, for badge please!

Please, yes? please yes!

7
votes

They knew enough about the system to understand that posts can be closed, and thus are experienced enough to know when their own question is perfectly valid and reasonable

Maybe they're just trying to get a good rewrite going, and needed a launching off point.

Like refactoring code, but for questions.

6
votes

V fhccbeg guvf cebcbfny. Pyrneyl hfref trg hcfrg jura gurve bss-gbcvp be onqyl sbezrq dhrfgvbaf ner pybfrq. Nccebivat guvf arj Srngher Erdhrfg jvyy nyybj hf gb xrrc znal hfref jub jbhyq bgurejvfr jnfgr gvzr ba Lnubb! Nafjref.

Please don't delete this.

3
  • Rot13
    – Kalamane
    Dec 28, 2011 at 22:40
  • 2
    OMG - That changed my life. Thanks so much. I never saw things that way until I read your post. I feel greatly enlightened. Ommm Almony Almony Almoneeeeeeeeeeeeee
    – Lee Louviere
    Aug 3, 2012 at 20:25
  • I'm reading this answer for 2 hours and I started understanding it. I found Mr. Srngher Erdhrfg in Google. Please don't delete this thread.
    – Miroslav Popov
    Jul 30, 2013 at 20:53
2
votes

@Adam Davis, although they may have asked nicely, and are sincere in their questions, the problem is, they might possibly be just wrong.

They could be sincere, but sincerely wrong.

What you might possibly could have asked for however, would be something like, questions with "please don't close" be directed to the moderator's attention, for them to determine whether or not this question should really remain open.

In which case, just flag it.

Or you could ask for a feature which allows the system to search for such questions, to direct them to moderator attention, because questions that have to beseech users "please don't close" obviously need moderator help.

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