I think you are really overthinking the whole process.
People on these sites aren't looking to downvote/close stuff out of spite. My experiences have been that if you put forward a good faith attempt, chances are people will extend you the same courtesy. Let's take ana Stack Overflow question as an example, chances are if you've done some research, provide a clear issue/question, and all the relevant information, you won't be downvoted to oblivion.
Let me give some actual examples, I went to the php and went to the Newest questions and found these:
- https://stackoverflow.com/questions/59900575/trying-to-quickboos-via-php-could-not-build-an-authorization-url-oh-no-somethin
- https://stackoverflow.com/questions/59900558/phpmyadmin-onlineshop-display-order
- https://stackoverflow.com/questions/59900600/my-php-code-is-not-connecting-to-myphpadmin-sql-database
They are clear examples of poor questions, either no effort shown or the question is all over the place.
Now some examples of good faith attempts:
- How to restrict a user to only see their own profile
- Remove index.php from a Laravel deployed project
- Why does Doxygen return `no uniquely matching class member found for` when the class member exists in PHP?
Can they be improved further?
Sure, they could be formatted slightly better and we could do some spelling fixes, but in general they are good faith attempts (provide the relevant details and have a clear question) that haven't been downvoted/close voted.