What to do when you encounter vengeful users? [duplicate]

Question

I had an interaction today with a very high-rep user who posted a sloppy answer with both syntax and logic errors. I pointed these out (as I often do when I see code that won't compile or uses incorrect logic), and he got really angry, calling me a bad, bad word multiple times. He then told me he down-voted my (correct) answer, solely to punish me for being a bad, bad word. Screen shot of the comment from the answer he has now deleted (don't look if you have extreme sensitivities to mind-destroying and society-ruining vulgarity):

I don't really care that he down-voted me for the wrong reasons. But stating so in public is not behavior I expect to be tolerated.

I have a hard time not defending myself when someone calls me a bad, bad word for doing exactly what we are supposed to do here. This is the kind of crap that I refuse to put up with, and I don't think the community should either. It is childish and unacceptable and is going to drive users like me away from the site. This is especially true when it comes from a user with close to 200K rep. This is supposed to indicate a trusted and esteemed member of the community, but in this case this person is a very bad example of anything his rep is supposed to portray. If people can act this way unchecked I think the community is in a sad state.

I guess this is why we should down-vote anonymously, and not bother commenting. But when you don't comment, others may ignore the down-votes (especially if others have up-voted without seeing the flaws), and readers may take the answer as a good one. I have had a pretty consistent policy of commenting first and down-voting later (if the situation isn't corrected). Never mind that if nobody comments the OP doesn't learn why they got down-voted.

In the end, this incident is either going to change my views on my policy of providing constructive criticism instead of blind drive-by down-votes, or it is just going to make me find another venue where I can contribute. My question is:

What do you folks do to not let bullies get to you?

It's easy to say calm down, walk away, ignore, etc. But being called a bad, bad word is a bit much IMHO.

Answer 1

One thing I'd suggest in such cases is: never get to the level of your interlocutor. If others insult you, don't insult back. This will keep you in a pretty safe position, because:

• others will see who is the troublemaker more easily;
• usually when someone insults you they do it to provoke you, don't fall into the trap, stay cool, they will almost always get bored of it.

It's not necessary that you respond, and it's probably safer (as others will suggest too), but if you do, keep that in mind.

In case you don't to have anything to do with it, flag the comment using the Spam/offensive flag. If the user manages to delete it before you are able to flag it, flag the answer and choose the custom field so you can explain (briefly) the situation. Something like "Offensive user in deleted comments" might work, but that's just an idea. Moderators, and the team of course, can see deleted comments anyway, so they won't get away with it.

A high-rep user should know better.

Update: It seems that this user's reaction was after your first comment which was not that friendly. Now, I'm not saying "it's your fault, it's their fault", I am not getting into this. And I don't want to go into too much detail, the answer above works when you are in a situation where someone snaps at you, but maybe in your situation you could have seen it coming.

I had to add this update considering the new stuff that came out, but I'm neither a mod nor a 10K user on StackOverflow so I couldn't know about it. And for this same reason, I can't know about your history with this user either, so I apologize if my answer comes across as without context sometimes eheh... But as a saying goes, not all bad things come to harm: use this experience in the future to approach users in a softer manner. Otherwise no-one gains anything, you get a bad experience, someone else does too and nothing gets solved.

Answer 2

Takes two to dance, and you started up the band.

No, I caught that. But this isn't a "here's some pseudo-code I can throw up on you, it's probably pretty close" site. I didn't down-vote, by the way, just don't like when untested code samples are thrown up as a "solution."

Wait, lemme check the faq...

Hold on...

Nope, I don't see that anywhere.

If a user wants to help another user with their question, we do not require you test your code before pasting it into an answer. Pseudocode is completely acceptable when trying to help someone grasp an algorithm or to give them a push in the right direction.

I'm not sure where you got this Test Driven Answering idea from, or why you think that its your job to go around informing people that they are doing it wrong, but I can assure you that your services are not required.

Perhaps you should consider your own actions when you find yourself in the midst of an "interaction" again. You might have played a role in starting it.

Answer 3

First, I am not trying to make an excuse for the bad language and inappropriate actions of the other user: considering the trail of the evidence, that would be pointless (the deleted comment is visible now). Behavior like that should not be tolerated on SO.

However, it is quite easy to see that you have started the exchange in a way that made him defend his position, with little room to escape. This often leads to confrontation, both in real life and especially online, with its higher sense of anonymity. Had you posted a more cooperative comment, the outcome might have been different.

One possible way to prevent confrontation is to suggest improvements to answers, rater than pointing out weaknesses in them. For example

Consider modifying your answer to check year in addition to weekno

will generally be viewed as a suggestion (a positive thing), while

you are considering weekno but ignoring year

will be viewed a a criticism (a negative thing). Yet they both are expressing essentially the same thought. This little trick works in real life, too.

Of course once the conversation gets out of hand, you should immediately flag, and let moderators deal with the situation.

Answer 4

I think it's important not to forget that this is one user (albeit high reputation), and one particular incident. Don't let this one bad incident prevent you from pointing out mistakes that have been appreciated all the other times.

What do you folks do to not let bullies get to you?

I walk away before they get to me. It's clear here that this guy got to you, and no doubt tempers would have been rising, and insults would have been flying before the comment that tipped you over the edge.

After your initial attempt to help them, if they continue to be a jerk, walk away. You're a internet apart, not across the room; what's the worst they can do? If it's gotten offensive, flag it accordingly. If you want to, delete your comments. Personally, I leave mine there; the community can judge what a jerk either of us have been for themselves.

It's easy to say calm down, walk away, ignore, etc. But being called an asshole is a bit much IMHO.

Yep, sorry, and don't take this the wrong way (hindsight is a wonderful thing!), but that's exactly what you should have done. I'd have walked away after seeing his comment:

@AaronBertrand: It's SQL. Sorry if I remembered wrong.

Answer 5

This is why commenting on down votes is such a stupid idea.

Down vote. Walk away.

Answer 6

What do you do when you encounter such people in real life?

I make my feelings known, and I stop associating with them.

Interestingly, I'm not as good at that on SO or the internet in general; I spend more time trying to "fix" the (perceived) problem. This is partly because I believe the internet isn't "real life", communications in the ether are more difficult to gauge and moderate, and therefore further explanation is often in order.

As an asshole, a fixer, and a Buddhist, it's a constant test of my nature. I fail frequently.