73

As a dismembered head living eternally in an infernal jar, my Stack Overflow addiction would be easier to indulge if I didn't have to waste time moving these wretched mechanical hooks to push around a primitive mouse.

I could answer questions faster if Stack Overflow were linked directly to my dopamine-saturated brain.

Why are you limiting interactivity with post-human users? The site works great for blind users and even the superintelligent mongoose that occupies the space next to my jar.

And, more importantly, such an interface would be useful for normal users, too! In fact, if you designed such an interface it would probably scale to other web sites as well. You could win a prize in design or something. The ideal solution would work for non-human users as well, such as Asgard and Romulans.

23
  • 13
    You're about two days too early.
    – TheTXI
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:51
  • 1
    I'm serious. A mind-machine interface would really help Stack Overflow out!
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:51
  • 4
    Wednesday = Friday. Sweet. This week's already been too long.
    – squillman
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:51
  • 1
    @squillman: Even with Monday off?
    – mmyers
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:53
  • 1
    Poor little head... would you like some Torgo's Executive Powder? theinfosphere.org/Torgo%27s_Executive_Powder Sep 9 '09 at 18:55
  • @mmyers: Even with Monday AND Tuesday off... First day back since last Thursday.
    – squillman
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:57
  • 7
    @squillman: If your last day of work was a Thursday, today must be Friday. Makes perfect sense. Sep 9 '09 at 19:07
  • @Pesto: uh, oh yeah. Definitely sweet. I'm so outta here.
    – squillman
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:13
  • 2
    @gnovice - Even in the Futurama-verse, I wouldn't trust anything named for Torgo. Have you seen Manos? Sep 9 '09 at 19:13
  • 16
    This should get the [status-deferred] tag. Sep 9 '09 at 19:16
  • 2
    I think this is one: farm4.static.flickr.com/3214/2810801820_8d38ec4c96.jpg Sep 9 '09 at 19:29
  • 1
    The Warrior's bland acronym, MMI, obscures the true horror of this monstrosity. Its inventors promise a new era of genius, but meanwhile unscrupulous power brokers use its forcible installation to violate the sanctity of unwilling human minds. They are creating their own private army of demons.
    – John Fouhy
    Sep 9 '09 at 22:18
  • 10
    @Steven: I don't think you appreciate how helpful this would be to users. Bigot.
    – Welbog
    Sep 10 '09 at 10:39
  • 2
    Keyboard? How quaint! -- Scotty
    – Tim Post
    Nov 2 '09 at 19:59
  • 1
    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because the "fun" part of this question has long subsided, and fun questions like this aren't really acceptable today. Aug 12 '18 at 17:01
25

Sounds good to me. Here's some useful reference material for the dev team.

13
  • See, this is the only answer which is on the right track. Thank you for taking a serious request seriously.
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:58
  • 2
    @Welbog: As an uplifted chicken, I can empathize with your frustration at the current interface. Sep 9 '09 at 19:01
  • 2
    @Welbog: I think you're being more accurate than you realize when you describe yourself as non-human intelligence. Sep 9 '09 at 19:15
  • 2
    @Pesto: At least you accept that "intelligence" is an apt term to describe me.
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:17
  • @John: Actually they do speak English. Sadly, they learned from old episodes of the National Barn Dance radio show. This can't end well. Sep 9 '09 at 20:02
  • 8
    @Welbog: Accepting this answer is intolerant of my bigotry. Also, it's biased against me because I am not a severed head. Also, gnovice's link sucks because it doesn't contain a jQuery-powered Greasemonkey solution to your problem. Hell, it doesn't even mention jQuery at all! How can MIT publish something called Toward Brain-Computer Interfacing that doesn't mention jQuery with a straight face? Also, this whole question is probably a setup. You constructed this whole question just to out me as a human being with the standard number of limbs! J'accuse! Also, I hate you and you suck. Sep 9 '09 at 20:08
  • 3
    @Pesto: Your feeble human brain has confused me with gnovice. Why should we be hampered by an interface that panders to your apelike shortcomings? Sep 9 '09 at 20:11
  • 9
    @Adam: Your avatar is yellowish, gnovice's avatar is yellowish. It's an easy mistake to make if you're visually-impared or incredibly lazy. WHEN WILL SO CATER TO THOSE OF US UNWILLING TO EXPEND THE ENERGY NECESSARY TO APPLY COGNITIVE PROCESSING TO THE IMAGES SENT FROM THEIR RETINAS? Sep 9 '09 at 20:15
  • Respect the Bulby, please. He's more than just "yellowish". Sep 9 '09 at 20:18
  • 1
    @gnovice: I get it, I get it. I'm a bigot for having no respect for Welbog's problems, and now I'm a bigot for seeing you and Adam as yellow instead of just seeing you as people. If judging people by the color of their avatars or on whether they are a disembodied head floating in a jar is wrong, then I don't want to be right. Sep 9 '09 at 20:24
  • @Pesto: I won't hold it against you. After all, you are a grayish blob with no eyes, so I can see why you would feel some animosity towards colors. Sep 9 '09 at 20:29
  • @Pesto: I did say natively ... ;-) That's OK, I learned how to speak German from Inglourious Basterds. :)
    – John Rudy
    Sep 9 '09 at 20:51
  • @John Rudy - Hey, that's how I learned Italian! Sep 9 '09 at 23:58
69

It already has. Just not for you.

4
  • 37
    STOP HOGGING ALL THE GOOD STUFF!
    – TheTXI
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:57
  • 9
    Win.
    – mmyers
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:57
  • This is how you got your rep so high! I knew you had to be using some performance enhancer. ;-)
    – Kredns
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:09
  • Actually, I think it does work for everyone, but not in the same direction. Unfortunately, download seems to only be connected to the deleted questions and meta at present.
    – tvanfosson
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:39
59

I'm so sick of these freaking suggestions. "SO should repost your questions to Twitter!" "SO should allow user pages to connect to LinkedIn!" "SO should provide a direct-to-brain interface for post-human users!" Give it a rest, people! Is it so hard to do it yourself? Surely you have a robot or artificial person to manipulate objects on your behalf. Is it really so hard to acquire the necessary permits from your planetary government to operate it through telepathy? From there it's easy enough to use a Greasemonky script written in jQuery to hook-in the appropriate DOM events for the cognitive ether.

Frankly, if you're a disembodied head floating in amniotic fluid, I'm disappointed to find that you don't have telekinesis in the first place. What kind of lazy genetic designer created you? We don't need your type here; perhaps you'd be more at home on Yahoo! Answers: many creatures without any semblance of a brain have managed to use that site successfully. This is just my personal opinion, but the kind thing to do would be to let you die a noble death by removing the amino acid flow from your nutrient tube and send the pre-programmed protein chain that will deactivate your (for lack of a better term) body's cellular regeneration.

8
  • 11
    Ladies and Gentlemen, your monthly dose of epic win courtesy of Pesto.
    – TheTXI
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:07
  • 25
    Well, I never! Your unwillingness to bend over backward for user minorities speaks volumes of your tolerance and understanding of usability issues! How can you claim to operate a website without adhering to every possible feature request from your whiny userbase?
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:10
  • 1
    All I'm saying is that the Multi-Dimensional Hive-Mind helps those who help themselves. Don't float there complaining, get off your lazy neck stump and do something! Sep 9 '09 at 19:15
  • 2
    I did do something! I wrote a feature request on a meta site! That's as far as I can go. My boss is breathing down my stump and my hands are tied!
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:16
  • 1
    ... or rather nonexistent. Sep 9 '09 at 19:17
  • 2
    @Brad Gilbert: You're new to this humour thing, I see.
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:19
  • 2
    Yahoo Answers... burn.
    – kanamekun
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:23
  • Added a little meta-specific joke. Revert if you don't like it. Sep 9 '09 at 19:32
17

If a piece of rat brain can control a robot, I don't see why we can't figure something out for Welbog. He's at least as capable as a lobotomized rat.

2
  • 20
    Now let's not be hasty with our assumptions of Welbog's capabilities. Sep 9 '09 at 19:11
  • 7
    Frankly, I think that depends a great deal on the rat in question and whether or not Welbog had eaten any donuts recently. Sep 9 '09 at 19:14
8

Our search mechanics are still off, and you want neural interface!?

Good God, man, are you mad?

I must admit that I find the idea very intriguing, but I would not trust the current development team with the intricacies of mind and machine merging. There are just too many variables and possibilities of something going wrong.

Just imagine what some people would be able to do with such a power. HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED would be on top of every post before it even made it to the list! He would be like a StackOverflow Lawnmower Man!

12
  • 6
    That last question was rhetorical, right?
    – mmyers
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:53
  • 1
    If we don't set our goals high, we will achieve only mediocrity!
    – Welbog
    Sep 9 '09 at 18:54
  • @mmyers: Depends if he refers to Welbog or God... Sep 9 '09 at 18:56
  • 2
    Resisting temptation to say name three times... Sep 9 '09 at 19:02
  • 2
    @Chris Lutz: If you even dare try to ruin everyone's week I will smite you.
    – TheTXI
    Sep 9 '09 at 19:03
  • Does he just search for his name or does he search for his nickname too? Sep 9 '09 at 19:17
  • 3
    @Chris: He doesn't search at all. He has a sixth sense that alerts him. Scientists are working to replicate it, but thus far have been unable to make it work without a heart as blacker than coal. Sep 9 '09 at 19:38
  • 3
    @Pesto - He has a heart? Sep 9 '09 at 19:43
  • 2
    @Chris: Of course. Where else would you stab him with a stake in order to kill him? PROTIP: Sunlight just makes him angry. Sep 9 '09 at 20:21
  • 2
    The great thing about a stake through the heart is that it works on everyone.
    – John Fouhy
    Sep 9 '09 at 22:17
  • 3
    He prefers a steak.
    – TheTXI
    Sep 9 '09 at 22:29
  • I thought we had to sacrifice virgins in order to lure him into a trap and then dismember him and bury his limbs in different parts of the world so that they can never be reassembled. Sep 10 '09 at 0:01
5

Oh, did you miss that blog post? That feature has always been around, you just click F5 way too much bound by your keyboardish ways. By the way, your dachshunds have left you and crapped in your jar.

If you click the pixel at 7x21, your brain will see the light.

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