83
votes

While yodeling to myself quietly in our warehouse today, a pallet full of mugs came crashing down on my head, and gave me a concussion idea. First, it's very unlucky to go yodeling around on a skate board in a dark warehouse, and second, we could really use a short creative writing contest.

Fortunately, we didn't make any hard hats this year, so my head injury is your gain.

The Objective

Write a short, humorous and fictional story about using a Stack Exchange site that mentions:

  • At least two of the current Winter Bash hats, by exact name (secret hats that have shown up on at least one profile are okay too).
  • At least one of the current Winter Bash hat criteria
  • At least one Stack Exchange site that is in public beta or beyond
  • Tim Post's head (has to be only his head), yodeling, or both

What do I get?

Authors of the top three entries will receive:

  • Stack Overflow Mug
  • Stack Exchange Nalgene Water Bottle
  • Stack Overflow T-shirt
  • Assorted stickers and secret surprises

Two runners-up will receive:

  • Stack Overflow T-shirt
  • Assorted stickers and secret surprises

How do I win?

Have the highest, second highest or third highest up-vote count on your entry. Down votes do not affect scoring. Be original & creative, and be funny.

What are the rules?

  • Employees are welcome to participate, but entries by employees will not be counted. Ya'll get this stuff by walking upstairs and grabbing it or asking me to send it to you.
  • Limit two entries per user
  • Entries must not exceed 1024 characters (not including markdown formatting characters) to be eligible.
  • Void where prohibited, or if management shuts it down
  • Entries must be received by 20:00 UTC on Friday, December 20, 2013.
  • In case of a tie for any prize, all entries of the same score will be awarded the prize.

These only come around once a year, so make it count :) Good luck!

Winners!

Winning entries:

  • Esoteric Screen Name (87) (Best use of my head, ever, seriously.)
  • Generic Holiday Name (25)
  • Retailcoder (22)

Runners-up:

  • Fredley (15)
  • rlemon (13)

Honorable mention (will get a T-shirt):

  • qwertynl (12)

Thank you to all that participated, and made this contest fun! There will be one more before the end of Winter Bash, and some mini contests in chat to look forward to. I will be contacting the winners early next week to get your size, shipping info and preferences.

Stay tuned, and thanks again!

locked by Tim Post Dec 20 '13 at 19:59

This question exists because it has historical significance, but it is not considered a good, on-topic question for this site, so please do not use it as evidence that you can ask similar questions here. This question and its answers are frozen and cannot be changed. More info: help center.

Read more about locked posts here.

  • 2
    @rene Let's keep this one to English, but I promise to look into running something like this on the new Portuguese site with Gabe's help (and blessing). – Tim Post Dec 18 '13 at 18:35
  • @TinyTim Sorry, I meant do winners get a new secret hat too? – ɥʇǝS Dec 18 '13 at 18:57
  • 3
    At least it wasn't mercury-tainted cigarettes again. – Brad Larson Dec 18 '13 at 19:05
  • 7
    Can I just post a bunch of funny imaeg instead? I mean, really funny. Good stuff. – Won't Dec 18 '13 at 19:05
  • @Won't You can make an illustrated story, sure, but there's got to be an actual story that meets the criteria there for it to be considered. – Tim Post Dec 18 '13 at 19:17
  • @TinyTim: Hmmm, story in image format... Mulling. – Won't Dec 18 '13 at 19:19
  • 2
    1024 chars including Markdown syntax? – fredley Dec 18 '13 at 19:22
  • 1
    @Seth I can not confirm or deny the triggering of a secret hat for the winners of this contest. – Tim Post Dec 18 '13 at 19:23
  • @fredley Excluding markdown, rendered formatted text is considered. I'll edit for clarity, thanks. – Tim Post Dec 18 '13 at 19:23
  • 1
    @TinyTim Are we supposed to embolden all of our references? – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:34
  • 1
    @JohnnyBones Aviation is not in PUBLIC beta. Doesn't count :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:55
  • 1
    "all entries of the same score will be awarded the prize." So if there is a tie, all posts with a score of 1 will win the prize? :] – Aza Dec 18 '13 at 20:13
  • 1
    Once a year? But we had those prizes a month ago... not that I complain though. ;) – Shadow Wizard Dec 18 '13 at 20:28
  • 5
    I don't understand. Why did a pallet full of mugs yodel to yourself? Dangling modifier is dangling. No wonder it came crashing down. – ЯegDwight Dec 18 '13 at 20:44
  • 4
    Just to avoid disappointment, does your offer also work for ... foreigners? (i.e., people you have to pay international postage for) – Benjol Dec 19 '13 at 5:37

46 Answers 46

86
votes

'Twas the night before Christmas, and wearing my Full House,
I was on StackOverflow, clicking my mouse.
I edited ten questions with care,
In hopes that answers soon would be there.

Answers on "how to parse html" filled me with dreads;
No doubt visions of precious repz danced in users' heads.
Downvoting the questions, I in my cap,
Exclaimed out loud, "Hey, what is this crap?"

When out on the lawn there arose such a yodel,
"YOU CAN’T PARSE HTML WITH REGEX, NOT EVEN WITH JS.NODAL!"
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Slammed shut the shutters and threw down the sash.

From my chimney came a voice of timbre low,
Echoing dark and ominous cries of "Ho Ho Ho".
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Tim Post's head in a Santa hat, how queer!

His mouth opened and oozed black goo quite thick,
I knew in a moment this was no St. Nick.
My hair on end, Oh the Horror, I was struck lame;
To hear the head forebodingly proclaim:
M̷̶͚͉̰̺̻̰̘̲̗o̴̱̰̫̬͍̩̯ͅr̢̪̰͢ẹ̢̯̗̮̞͍͢ ̡̢̳̣̲͠r̶̡̻̹̹̞̜̟͕̙̝a̢̩̬̱̜̮̺̟̰ͅp̡͕̭͓̖͎͍i̶̹̭ḑ͓͚͓͟ ̬̀͟t̰̬̟̤͇̫͝h̵̼̞͚̗̹̼͟a̛͙̰͙̘͍̱͙̕͟n̵̹̜̖̟͡ ̡̼̱̝̲̯e̴̙̼̜͈̖͉̥ͅá̶͖̖̺g̜͙l̶̛̫̤̘̙̝͈̻͢e̳̱̻̪̟͞s̵̩̲̹̺̝̰͉͈͢ ̡̩͍̜̟̯̳h̰̱e̛̩̥͍̦͘͜ͅ ̡̘͓̦̝̤̬͓͡͞c̷̥̩̝̪̟̦ò͖̝̥̩͓͎̫̩͜m͚̬̟͟e̼̤̹̠̰͠s̬̦
̩̜̜̣̳́ ̫̺̖͖̬̣͖O͈̳̦̱̯͕Ņ̶̟̩͖̖͔͙̜̩͟ ̡͕̜͓̣͓͓̮̱͘͠Z͙͉̳͟A̞̦̳͠L͍̱̱G̶̴̛͎͖O̴̧̡̱̞͇̹͎̙̯͉



Also somehow the walls disappeared.

  • 22
    I take my hat off to you, this is excellent. – fredley Dec 18 '13 at 19:36
  • 4
    Nice homage to @bobince's classic HTML/Regex answer. – Dhaust Dec 19 '13 at 1:23
  • 1
    @fredley, it would seem your hat is still on sir. – jmac Dec 19 '13 at 6:34
  • This is now a family heirloom. – Tim Post Dec 27 '13 at 7:29
24
votes

Forty votes in a day, on Stack Overflow,
was leaving me winded, tired and slow.

A Boater, no more, I thought to appear,
when a horrible sound came forth to my ear.

A yodel, it's called, in mountainous lands,
often heard solo (sometimes in a band).

Away from my desk I swiftly did move,
I saw what I could not, would not approve.

"Oh the Horror!" I cried, fraught with dismay,
three shiny diamonds, heading this way.

t'was Anna, Tim Post, and Shog shortly after,
but only their heads, eyes full of laughter.

I pleaded for mercy, judging them kind,
but all I received was a .

...

My posts are all gone now, lost to the stack.
I just don't see how I'll ever bounce back.

I stumble through days, weeks, in a daze,
hoping for upvotes or even just praise.

I no longer review, or edit a post,
for I've seen their fury, closer than most.

The moral, you ask? Well, it's quite clear.
When you see a diamond, see it with fear.

Remember my story, remember it true.
One day, who knows? It could happen to you.

19
votes

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

There was this Bounty Hunter that travelled the Stack Exchange world like a Chuck Yeager, always the fastest gun in the west, always on time, always right, never afraid to steal a checkmark.

Most of his posts managed to get 500 views in 2 days, but as an early user he didn't care for those anymore, all that mattered was the bounty on Tim Post's head.

Oh the horror, when he found Tim he was yodeling with his Sock Puppet in one of the SE Chatrooms, where a Conspiracy Theorist had mentioned there would be a delay of 6 to 8 weeks to set up a Data Explorer that Code Review enthusiasts could use to analyze their site's data.

  • I think I might have mixed-up Tims... bah, it's fictional right? – Mathieu Guindon Dec 18 '13 at 19:54
  • 6
    I feel compelled to give this an up vote, for meta-meta reasons. – Tim Stone Dec 18 '13 at 20:02
12
votes

"Your hat, give it to me!" whispered balpha, urgently. "But.." I replied, not wanting to forfeit my headgear.

It had been a treacherous quest into the depths of Area51 to find a new site to explore. After many wrong turns I'd ended up at Pets, tired but determined.

Using what little knowledge I had of 'pets', I tried to ask a question. Success! I'd got an upvote: Hello World was mine. Now only hours later at the annual SE yodelling competition, I was being asked to give it up.

"If I don't get it I can't fix this bug!". "No" I said, firmly. "Unless.."
"Unless what?"
"If you gave me With great power..."
"Ok, but you'd better give up that diamond once this whole hattening is over"
"Deal. What's the bug anyway?"
"At midnight on NYE, every user would get all hats — SE would collapse into anarchy. Can you imagine a world where everyone was equal?"

Understanding, I removed the mac from my cranium, and he pushed the fix. I relaxed in my seat. Tim Post's dismembered head was on, and actually doing quite well.

  • 5
    I make this 1024 characters exactly. – fredley Dec 18 '13 at 19:34
  • Haha great jorb :-) – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:35
  • 23
    Please be advised that legitimate Stack Exchange representatives never ask for your hat or other headgear. If you receive such a request, delete it immediately, and be sure to keep you Anti-Hateater program up-to-date. – balpha Dec 18 '13 at 20:16
9
votes

'Twas the season of Tims, when all through the warehouse by Meta,
An employee was yodelling (though his skills were quite beta).
The swag was stacked quite high as if without care,
And the echoing song made it crash down on Tim Post's hair.

"Oh the Horror!" he exclaimed, as 20 hats tumbled down,
"This is not how I wanted to Make it Rain", he said with a frown.
His head aching like too much time spent on Homebrewing,
He vowed to get up – This would not be his undoing.

"Luckily Winter is Coming" he thought to himself,
Using one hand for balance and the other on a shelf.
He pulled himself up and grabbed ice from outside,
Pressed it to his head and gave thanks he hadn't died.

"With Great Power..." he grumbled as he returned for the swag,
Picking up an Old Hat and Sock Puppet to stuff in his bag.
That was that – though he'd rather have hit the rep cap or relaxed with a beer,
Despite the accident this was certainly still his favorite time of year.

  • 1054 Characters. Sorry, I am a stickler :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:49
  • Alright, that should do it. :P – Tim Stone Dec 18 '13 at 19:57
  • Yay! Good job @Tim :-) – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:58
9
votes

Tim Post's Head and the Unicorns

(One of Atwood's fables)

In Meta Stack Overflow one summer's day, Tim Post's Head was hopping about, chirping and yodeling to its heart's brain's content. A Unicorn passed by, bearing along with great toil an Old Hat it was taking to the nest.

"Why not come and be Chatty Chatty," said Tim Post's Head, "Instead of toiling and moiling in that way?"

"I am helping to lay up hats because Winter is Coming," said the Unicorn, "and recommend you do the same."

"Why bother about winter?" said Tim Post's head; "we have got plenty of hats at present." But the Unicorn went on its way and continued its toil. When Winterbash came Tim Post's Head had no hats and found itself freezing to death, while it saw the Unicorns wearing The Millner because of their hard work in gathering 20 hats. Then Tim Post's Head knew:

When your head is all you have left, it's best to worry about getting hats.

  • 913 characters, including spaces, excluding markup – jmac Dec 19 '13 at 2:38
9
votes

Official Entry (within character limit) tl;dr; version

This year during WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me

Twelve Oh the Horrors,
Eleven Chuck Yeagers,
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap


Unofficial extended version (over character limit)

On the first day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the second day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the third day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the fourth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the fifth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the sixth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the seventh day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the eighth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the ninth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the tenth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the eleventh day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Eleven Chuck Yeagers,
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the twelfth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Twelve Oh the Horrors,
Eleven Chuck Yeagers,
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

  • I had to shorten this a lot to meet the character limit. – Taryn Dec 19 '13 at 11:51
  • bluefeet, this is only about one third of the maximum length. Compare it to the other answers. If you have more please include it! – Mr.Wizard Dec 19 '13 at 16:31
  • @Mr.Wizard The full version is 3k characters, I had to cut it down. :( – Taryn Dec 19 '13 at 16:40
  • Personally I'd like to read it. :-) – Mr.Wizard Dec 19 '13 at 16:43
  • @Mr.Wizard updated with both versions. :) Hopefully I won't get disqualified for the extended edition. – Taryn Dec 19 '13 at 16:46
  • It sure reads better that way. hehe I hope I don't get ya into trouble. – Mr.Wizard Dec 19 '13 at 16:49
8
votes

To the tune of Jingle-Bells

Ohhhhh Dashing through the posts!
With more downvotes on the way!
Over to Meta I go! 
To write about my day! (ha ha ha) 

Hats are SE bling
Making regulars fight! 
what fun it is to double ping,
on the chat system all night!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Stack Overflow, Stack Overflow, 
Why doesn't this site pay?
Oh! what fun it is to argue
about why jQuery sucks all day!

Oh! Stack Overflow, Stack Overflow, 
You just made my day!
I could be working but instead I am 
Writing meta posts this way (in a song!) 
  • 2
    RULE BREAKER! :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:57
  • I suppose I will not win then. maybe I'll start a meta post asking why... hrm... – rlemon Dec 18 '13 at 20:04
  • 1
    That will be the day @rlemon That will be the day... – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:07
  • 2
    I'm going to regret this, but why on earth would people say jQuery sucks? – Justin Morgan Dec 18 '13 at 21:24
  • well peek around at the jQuery tag newest questions... 9/10 are hideous :P so really that should be 'it isn't jQuery, but the people who abuse it' however that didn't rhyme as well. – rlemon Dec 18 '13 at 21:30
  • 2
    jQuery sucks? WHAT?!? You should drop that and just use jQuery instead. – Amal Murali Dec 19 '13 at 9:18
8
votes

A long day, reviewing gems from eras long passed. The slave traders called Stack Exchange force us to review old questions. They promise us Careers when we leave... none have yet left.

Hats are our reward. We first earn the hat called "Passed Judgement." Given to new inductees on their first day. To serve as a reminder of all our delinquent pasts.

Those lucky few of us who... survive... are rewarded with the hat they call "Mr. Peanut Monopoly McDuck." For our persistence and survival, I think. The name is a joke. I laughed.

They gave me a gold badge with the hat. I know I will never have a chance to spend it. Over 100,000 left to go, and then we will be free. One of these days, the stack will overflow. Then, maybe, we can climb to freedom.

Some of us have gone mad. Tim Post, well... we all love Tim Post. But he's a little touched in the head. Sits and yodels all day. They will dispose of him, soon, but at least he makes us a little happier. He reminds us that there is some respite in insanity, after all.

  • 1
    1024 character limit... – fredley Dec 18 '13 at 19:34
  • @fredley Aw, crap :( I'll see what I can do... – Aza Dec 18 '13 at 19:35
  • 1
    Yeah, I only read that after my first draft was nearly 2000... – fredley Dec 18 '13 at 19:41
  • Whoo. Edited. 1024 chars exactly. – Aza Dec 18 '13 at 19:47
  • 1
    Nope. It is 1023. You have one character left. Unless I counted wrong. :-D – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:47
  • @qwerty so it would seem! :D – Aza Dec 18 '13 at 19:51
  • Do you count one or two for \n? :) – Joe Dec 18 '13 at 21:17
8
votes

Ohhhhhhhhh

I went to Stack Overflow to find some brand new hats
I found a Sock Puppet and a big Link to the Past
I earned my Silver Badge and bit it to make sure
I never met Tim Post or his head so pure
I have heard that his yodeling can be heard
I hear that he might even grow to be a bard

I think all of my rhyming is done for now
I believe that this might in the end just earn me a cow

  • 3
    heard doesn't rhyme with beard unless you have a really weird accent BTW. – Malachi Dec 18 '13 at 20:23
  • Yea.... I tried.... Do you know any better words @Malachi ? – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:24
  • leered? steered? neared? ... doesn't really fit the context but... – Malachi Dec 18 '13 at 20:25
  • 3
    None of those rhyme with heard :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:27
  • my bad, I was rhyming the wrong word. how about herd, as in herd of buffalo. – Malachi Dec 18 '13 at 20:29
  • try this, rhymezone.com/r/… Nerd would be perfect. – Malachi Dec 18 '13 at 20:29
  • 1
    Makes no sense with the word nerd :-( Sorry. Thank you for trying though :-D – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:40
  • how about change the words on that line and use the word absurd? yodeling always seems absurd to me – Malachi Dec 18 '13 at 20:42
  • 1
    Ok I changed that line a bit @Malachi – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 21:01
  • 4
    +1 for ♫Ohhhhhhhhh ♫. – Frédéric Hamidi Dec 18 '13 at 22:17
7
votes

Area 51: the final frontier. These are the sites of the network Stack Exchange. Its 42-year mission: to explore strange new ways to say “Hello World!”, to seek out new answers and steal checkmarks, to be the First to boldly yodel where no one has yodeled before.

6
votes

Bounties on questions and checkmarks on answers
Bright red Sock Puppets and scary Bounty Hunters
The winter bash icon lit up with earnings
These are a few of my favorite things

Teal colored unicorns and sharp witty comments
Yodels and rainbows and multi colliders with contents
Stack Overflow users with rep caps in their stockings
These are a few of my favorite things

Gravatars dressed in old hats with 8 bit pixels
Hats that stay on my signatures and profiles
Silver badged users who are now yearlings
These are a few of my favorite things

5
votes

Mr. Binx and the Shog

(One of Atwood's fables)

Mr. Binx was once boasting of his review speed before the developers in the Tavern on the Meta. "I have never yet been beaten," said he, "when I put forth my full speed I can outrace Chuck Yeager. I challenge any one here to review with me."

The Shog said quietly, "I accept your challenge."

"Ho Ho Ho, that is a good joke," said Mr. Binx; "I could reach the review cap before you yodel Hello World!"

"Keep your boasting till you've beaten," answered the Shog. "Shall we race?"

So a review limit was fixed and a start was made. Mr. Binx created a noticeable dent in the close vote reviews queue at once, but soon stopped and, to show his contempt for the Shog, went to steal a checkmark. The Shog plodded on and plodded on, and when Mr. Binx had his Marauder Hat, he saw the Shog just near the review limit and could not review in time to save the race. Then said the Shog:

"You should have used JQuery."

5
votes
The answer to chess?!
"First" rep cap hit, Yodeling!
Award a bounty~?
  • 1
    Answer is in HAIKU – Dennis Jaheruddin Dec 19 '13 at 11:14
  • 1
    Psst, change the first three words to "The Question on" - same number of syllables and you get the necessary second hat reference. – Esoteric Screen Name Dec 19 '13 at 18:52
5
votes

The Cat-Maiden

(One of Atwood's fables)

The devs were once disputing on Philosophy.SE whether it was possible for a living being to change its nature. Joel said "Yes," but Jeff said "No." So, to try The Question, Jupiter turned a Cat into a Community Manager, and gave her to the Yodeling Public Beta as a mod. The Public Beta began and the Cat-Maiden sat down at the keyboard taking care of 15 helpful flags. "See," said Joel, to Jeff, "how mod-like she behaves. Who could tell that yesterday she was but a Cat? Surely her nature is changed?"

"Wait a minute," replied Jeff, and made a Sock Puppet posing as a mouse post to the Public Beta. No sooner did Anna Lear see this than she jumped up from her seat and took a mouthful of monitor. "Ah, you see," said Jeff,

"Nature wins out."

  • 2
    True story. – Adam Lear Dec 19 '13 at 16:35
  • @Anna, who says parables don't have any real world applications? – jmac Dec 19 '13 at 23:38
4
votes

To the tune of .. aww you'll get it :D

On the nth day of christmas Stack Overflow gave to me..
12 Syntax Errors
11 Downvotes
10 Low Quality Posts
9 Bad Questions
8 Answer Flags
7 Rollbacks
6 Chatroom Stars
FIVE GOLDEN HATSSSS
4 jQuery rulez
3 There's a plugin for that
2 relevant tags
AND A TIM POST YODELING IN A NODE TREEEEEE
  • 4
    You did not follow the rules! :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:54
  • 6
    since when does anyone on meta follow rules ?? – rlemon Dec 18 '13 at 21:08
3
votes

First think about "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole - then read.

Questions on meta are all satire,
Moderators locking down your post
Newbie Complaints: "Why is my question closed?"
and hats that look like eskimos
Every regular knows, the close vote queue will never die
100 thousand votes, on the rise.
Tiny Tim, with his questions that show
we need to light the warehouse at night. 

We know that Hats are on their way
We only get them for the holiday
and every sockpuppet account is going to try
to get the kitty hat, two stars, or i'll die

And so I'm offering this 50pt bounty
to users from 1k to 92k
Although it's been said, many times, many ways .... 
how do I return an ajax result for you... 
  • Cannot upvote due to lack of yodeling and/or tim's disembodied head. Well, I'm sure I can, but the power of Tim compels me not to. – jmac Dec 19 '13 at 5:20
3
votes

01010100011010000110100101110011001000000110100101110011001000000110000100100000010000110110100001110010011010010111001101110100011011010110000101110011001000000111010001100001011011000110010100101100000011010000101001001001011011100010000001110111011010000110100101100011011010000010000001110100011101110110111100100000011010000110000101110100011100110010000001110100011000010110101101100101001000000111000001100001011100100111010000100000011100000111001001101111011101010110010001101100011110010010111000001101000010100101010101110011011001010111001001110011001000000110101101101110011011110111011101110011001000000110000101101110011001000010000001100011011000010110111000100000011101110110010101101100011011000010000001110100011001010110110001101100001011000000110100001010010101000110100001101001011100110010000001100011011011110110110101110000011010010110110001100101011001000010000001101000011011110110110001101001011001000110000101111001001000000111010001100001011011000110010100101110

  • 011001000111010101101000101110101000010100? – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:26
  • @qwertynl 42 / 8 = 5.25. This message means nothing it's just random 0's and 1's ? – ʞunɥdɐpɐɥd Dec 18 '13 at 20:28
  • Sorry I added extra bits there.... – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:30
  • 011001000111010101101000! – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:31
  • @qwertynl haha makes more sense now ^_^ – ʞunɥdɐpɐɥd Dec 18 '13 at 20:32
  • 010010010010000001100100011010010110010000100000011011100110111101110100001000000111001001100101011000010110110001101001011110100110010100100000011010010111010000100000011101000110100001100001011101000010000001110111011001010010000001101000011000010110010000100000011101000110111100100000 01100100011001010110001101101111011011010111000001101001011011000110010100100000011110010110111101110101011100100010000001110000011011110111001101110100001000000110111101110010011010010110011101101001011011100110000101101100011011000111100100101110 @insertcleverxmasname – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 20:34
  • 1
    001010101100012 – Keith Thompson Dec 18 '13 at 22:23
  • 2
    I am tempted to flag this post because those look like some naughty bits – Chad Dec 19 '13 at 16:25
3
votes

Painfully
slogging
through
the mire
of the Stack Overflow close votes queue (already having performed
5 reviews in 5 queues
to achieve a shiny RoboCop mask hat*), I
chanced upon this very Meta post. Due to my severest lack of other
hats, and my agonizing envy of the mysterious Eureka hat, I availed
myself of this opportunity to try to gain physical Stack Exchange stuff,
in place of glorious digital headwear. Gazing upon the other entries, I
see that my chances are nil. so I've decided to make this post in a shape
vaguely similar to that of a top hat, clinging to the meagerest of hopes
that Tim Post's mug-addled head will find some strange humo(u)r in
the rambling
of this humble
story I have
now written


A story of (hat-related) poverty

A story of (review-queue-related) pain

A story of (SE-swag-related) hope.


Brown.


*Seriously, that's not a hat. Not even a little.

  • 5
    You are so weird, man. – Josh Darnell Dec 18 '13 at 21:48
3
votes

In the spirit of a totally pointless discussion I had yesterday

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Meta, there were two Tims.

Both were well renowned throughout the nation and R-E-S-P-E-C-Ted by all. Both had the ability to earn gold badges in a snap. One of them went on to be the greatest scholar of the nation, knowing every nook and cranny and secret passage. One became the foremost lawmaker, Keeper of the Swag, and ambassador to many nations like the land of Pets.

But everyone always wondered, who was The Tim? Who was greater?

To settle this they decided to have a duel, Fastest Gun In The West style. The first to answer wins.

On the appointed date both arrived and started writing. The scholar, always curious, looked to the side and... OH THE HORROR... noticed that his counterpart was a floating head. This meant that Tim the lawmaker had ascended to the level of Shog!

Eeeeek!, he cried, and realized that he could not hope to compete with such a being. He conceded defeat, and Tim the Lawmaker was henceforth known as The Tim.

Hopefully the bad attempt at flattery works :p

  • +1 for adding shog in the scenario hahah – user2705620 Dec 19 '13 at 9:29
3
votes

Based on Hershel and the Hannukah Goblins:

One night, in the height of winterbash, an old man named Hershel arrived in the small town of StackOverflow. Looking around, he was astounded to see a complete lack of hats. When asked why, the town's users explained that an evil army of trolls had cursed SO; to restore the hats, Hershel would need to face the trolls by spending 8 nights in the review queues while wearing a hat.

Donning his festive L'chaim hat, Hershel entered the queues. The first night passed calmly - mostly grammar fixes and re-tags, quickly earning Hershel the Florence Nightengale hat.

The next nights progressed from benign not-actual-answers, to blatant requests for homework solutions, to, on the last night, a string of highly offensive comments. With a yodelling cry, Hershel flagged posts as fast as he could (he had long since earned Conspiracy Theorist). In desperation, he changed his avatar to the concussed and disembodied head of Tom Post. The trolls were terrified and left immediately.

3
votes

One day, Tim Post decided he wanted a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock for Winterbash instead of hats.

He asked the Bounty Hunter on Stack Overflow to win it for him.

Unfortunately for Tiny Tim, Florence Nightingale, told him he couldn’t have it because "You'll shoot your eye out".

Knowing that Winter is Coming, he deeply wanted to be the Defender of the Realm, he convinced Frosty the Snowman that he was worthy of the Red Ryder rifle. Tim yodeled with excitement, the noise caused an icicle to fall hitting his head giving him a concussion.

Florence screamed “Oh The Horror” but the Lonesome Cowboy rode in to save the day showing his silver badge while yelling “Hi Ho Silver” away.

Tim was not speedy like Chuck Yeager and would forever be a marauder wearing a patch over his eye.

The End.

2
votes

To the tune of Ylvis' "The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?)"


R-E-S-P-E-C-T for rep cap

Do The Swim! for 5 reviews

Sock Puppet when you answer your own question

and Old Hat for early user


Upboated for 5 posts scored 2

The Stallman for edit a cw post

and the Robocop for 5 reviews in 5 queues


First! for starred chat on NYD

and The Milliner for 20 hats

and Oh the Horror for guru badge on meta


But there's one question

StackOverflow does not know

WHY IS TIM YODELING?


Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?


Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?


Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?


Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?

  • One too many syllables on the chorus – American Luke Dec 18 '13 at 20:55
  • "What does the fox say?" = 5 syllables, "Why is Tim Yodeling" = 6 syllables (yo-de-ling), you can cut one out with "why is" to "why's" or "yo-de-ling" to "yode'ling" without the emphasis on the "de". However, it would make far more sense as, "What's Tim Yodeling?" or "What is Tim Yode'ling?" or even "What does Tim Yodel?" – jmac Dec 19 '13 at 5:16
  • 2
    AmericanLuke and @jmac - The 1 syllable difference doesn't change anything. If you notice, there are 6 beats in that chorus line. Before "Say" is said, it pauses for a beat. It goes: Beat 1 WHAT Beat 2 DOES Beat 3 THE Beat 4 FOX Beat 5 pause Beat 6 SAY? Now, in my parody, instead of pausing, we fill Beat 5 as follows: Beat 1 WHY Beat 2 IS Beat 3 TIM Beat 4 YO Beat 5 DE Beat 6 LING? See how that works? – Code Maverick Dec 19 '13 at 18:24
  • 1
    1-and-2-and-3-and-4-and. But yes, it does work. – Robert Harvey Dec 19 '13 at 20:35
2
votes

In a hole in the Ground there lived Tim Post a' Yodeling. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of Sock Puppets and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare hole with no questions to close. It was Meta StackOverflow, and that means O the Horror!

2
votes

Deck the Halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tis' the season to be jolly, Ho ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho.

Don we now our gay Milliners, Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Troll the ancient moderators, Fa la la la la, la la la la.


Get a third hat, Johnny three-hats, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Strike the harp and join the Yodel, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me to Stack Overflow, Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

While I tell of Secret hats, O', Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

2
votes

The nightmare before Christmas

There must be a mixup I thought to myself.
It can't be right. Maybe that shelf
with the box that struck Tim Post in the head
did much damage to StackExchange servers instead?

"Oh the Horror" cried users of StackOverflow.
How could this happen? Does anyone know?
The Question that haunts is about the elite.
How could one earn more rep this year than Jon Skeet?

Win a bounty? win 10? win a million?
You need to win more than that (try a billion).
Ninja skills, (shurikens) and speedy suggestions
come from Martijn Pieters' answers to python based questions.

At least there are hats to collect the most of.
That would be a great accomplishment to boast of.
But no, Martijn's got the lead in that too.
It looks like my nightmares just might all be true.

They can't be true! -- I'll wake in the morn
And the dream will be over, no longer forlorn.
I'll open my laptop and as always has been
I'll see the leaderboard set right once again.

1
vote

I entered a dirty old corner club. I was a lonesome cowboy carrying my hard-earned silver badge with pride. I walked up to the bar and asked for a drink, but before the bartender could react, a mysterious figure loudly entered the club. I only saw a shadow until they stepped out of the dark. There he was. Mr. Binx was yodeling on Tim Post's head. Photography skills would have been useful that day. That was definitely the first and last time I'm going to see that.

1
vote
much story              cat hat!

           wow


                   very updo

many Tim              
                much yodeling

wow!

But seriously, a holiday rhyme:

Cruising around town in my new cat hat
Looking for a stack question that isn't crap
Tim Post yodeling but that ain't wack
He does it on the daily till his rep hit the cap

A downvote killed his updo
There was nothing that he could do
When he editted his post the voter put him a stew
And that was so impromptu
  • SO Rap
  • 8
    such attempt. so meme. very try. – Adam Lear Dec 18 '13 at 21:13
  • @Anna Lear wow! – fredley Dec 19 '13 at 21:43
1
vote

I was sitting on the couch playing The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past and yodelling along to the latest Jewel song, when suddenly there was a knock on my door. It was Johnny Three-Hats, looking to collect for his paper route. "Two dollars!", he said. I looked him dead in the eye and replied, "What's that gonna do for you, earn a silver badge or something? Go try your luck at Aviation." It wasn't until many years later that I found out his real name was Jon Skeet...

  • Where is Tim Post's head? – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:38
  • "or yodelling", it said. – Johnny Bones Dec 18 '13 at 19:41
  • Hmmmm I just understood it to be both :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 19:42
  • 1
    @qwertynl that's not how "or" works ;) – Laura Dec 18 '13 at 21:29
  • I was never any good and ands are ors.... @Laura :-P – qwertynl Dec 18 '13 at 21:29

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .