Should employees with head injuries be allowed to post on meta?

Question

While yodeling to myself quietly in our warehouse today, a pallet full of mugs came crashing down on my head, and gave me a concussion idea. First, it's very unlucky to go yodeling around on a skate board in a dark warehouse, and second, we could really use a short creative writing contest.

Fortunately, we didn't make any hard hats this year, so my head injury is your gain.

The Objective

Write a short, humorous and fictional story about using a Stack Exchange site that mentions:

• At least two of the current Winter Bash hats, by exact name (secret hats that have shown up on at least one profile are okay too).
• At least one of the current Winter Bash hat criteria
• At least one Stack Exchange site that is in public beta or beyond
• Tim Post's head (has to be only his head), yodeling, or both

What do I get?

Authors of the top three entries will receive:

• Stack Overflow Mug
• Stack Exchange Nalgene Water Bottle
• Stack Overflow T-shirt
• Assorted stickers and secret surprises

Two runners-up will receive:

• Stack Overflow T-shirt
• Assorted stickers and secret surprises

How do I win?

Have the highest, second highest or third highest up-vote count on your entry. Down votes do not affect scoring. Be original & creative, and be funny.

What are the rules?

• Employees are welcome to participate, but entries by employees will not be counted. Ya'll get this stuff by walking upstairs and grabbing it or asking me to send it to you.
• Limit two entries per user
• Entries must not exceed 1024 characters (not including markdown formatting characters) to be eligible.
• Void where prohibited, or if management shuts it down
• Entries must be received by 20:00 UTC on Friday, December 20, 2013.
• In case of a tie for any prize, all entries of the same score will be awarded the prize.

These only come around once a year, so make it count :) Good luck!

Winners!

Winning entries:

• Esoteric Screen Name (87) (Best use of my head, ever, seriously.)
• Generic Holiday Name (25)
• Retailcoder (22)

Runners-up:

• Fredley (15)
• rlemon (13)

Honorable mention (will get a T-shirt):

• qwertynl (12)

Thank you to all that participated, and made this contest fun! There will be one more before the end of Winter Bash, and some mini contests in chat to look forward to. I will be contacting the winners early next week to get your size, shipping info and preferences.

Stay tuned, and thanks again!

Answer 1

'Twas the night before Christmas, and wearing my Full House,
I was on StackOverflow, clicking my mouse.
I edited ten questions with care,
In hopes that answers soon would be there.

Answers on "how to parse html" filled me with dreads;
No doubt visions of precious repz danced in users' heads.
Downvoting the questions, I in my cap,
Exclaimed out loud, "Hey, what is this crap?"

When out on the lawn there arose such a yodel,
"YOU CAN’T PARSE HTML WITH REGEX, NOT EVEN WITH JS.NODAL!"
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Slammed shut the shutters and threw down the sash.

From my chimney came a voice of timbre low,
Echoing dark and ominous cries of "Ho Ho Ho".
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Tim Post's head in a Santa hat, how queer!

His mouth opened and oozed black goo quite thick,
I knew in a moment this was no St. Nick.
My hair on end, Oh the Horror, I was struck lame;
To hear the head forebodingly proclaim:
M̷̶͚͉̰̺̻̰̘̲̗o̴̱̰̫̬͍̩̯ͅr̢̪̰͢ẹ̢̯̗̮̞͍͢ ̡̢̳̣̲͠r̶̡̻̹̹̞̜̟͕̙̝a̢̩̬̱̜̮̺̟̰ͅp̡͕̭͓̖͎͍i̶̹̭ḑ͓͚͓͟ ̬̀͟t̰̬̟̤͇̫͝h̵̼̞͚̗̹̼͟a̛͙̰͙̘͍̱͙̕͟n̵̹̜̖̟͡ ̡̼̱̝̲̯e̴̙̼̜͈̖͉̥ͅá̶͖̖̺g̜͙l̶̛̫̤̘̙̝͈̻͢e̳̱̻̪̟͞s̵̩̲̹̺̝̰͉͈͢ ̡̩͍̜̟̯̳h̰̱e̛̩̥͍̦͘͜ͅ ̡̘͓̦̝̤̬͓͡͞c̷̥̩̝̪̟̦ò͖̝̥̩͓͎̫̩͜m͚̬̟͟e̼̤̹̠̰͠s̬̦
̩̜̜̣̳́ ̫̺̖͖̬̣͖O͈̳̦̱̯͕Ņ̶̟̩͖̖͔͙̜̩͟ ̡͕̜͓̣͓͓̮̱͘͠Z͙͉̳͟A̞̦̳͠L͍̱̱G̶̴̛͎͖O̴̧̡̱̞͇̹͎̙̯͉

Answer 2

Forty votes in a day, on Stack Overflow,
was leaving me winded, tired and slow.

A Boater, no more, I thought to appear,
when a horrible sound came forth to my ear.

A yodel, it's called, in mountainous lands,
often heard solo (sometimes in a band).

Away from my desk I swiftly did move,
I saw what I could not, would not approve.

"Oh the Horror!" I cried, fraught with dismay,
three shiny diamonds, heading this way.

t'was Anna, Tim Post, and Shog shortly after,
but only their heads, eyes full of laughter.

I pleaded for mercy, judging them kind,
but all I received was a status-declined.

...

My posts are all gone now, lost to the stack.
I just don't see how I'll ever bounce back.

I stumble through days, weeks, in a daze,
hoping for upvotes or even just praise.

I no longer review, or edit a post,
for I've seen their fury, closer than most.

The moral, you ask? Well, it's quite clear.
When you see a diamond, see it with fear.

Remember my story, remember it true.
One day, who knows? It could happen to you.

Answer 3

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

There was this Bounty Hunter that travelled the Stack Exchange world like a Chuck Yeager, always the fastest gun in the west, always on time, always right, never afraid to steal a checkmark.

Most of his posts managed to get 500 views in 2 days, but as an early user he didn't care for those anymore, all that mattered was the bounty on Tim Post's head.

Oh the horror, when he found Tim he was yodeling with his Sock Puppet in one of the SE Chatrooms, where a Conspiracy Theorist had mentioned there would be a delay of 6 to 8 weeks to set up a Data Explorer that Code Review enthusiasts could use to analyze their site's data.

Answer 4

"Your hat, give it to me!" whispered balpha, urgently. "But.." I replied, not wanting to forfeit my headgear.

It had been a treacherous quest into the depths of Area51 to find a new site to explore. After many wrong turns I'd ended up at Pets, tired but determined.

Using what little knowledge I had of 'pets', I tried to ask a question. Success! I'd got an upvote: Hello World was mine. Now only hours later at the annual SE yodelling competition, I was being asked to give it up.

"If I don't get it I can't fix this bug!". "No" I said, firmly. "Unless.."
"Unless what?"
"If you gave me With great power..."
"Ok, but you'd better give up that diamond once this whole hattening is over"
"Deal. What's the bug anyway?"
"At midnight on NYE, every user would get all hats — SE would collapse into anarchy. Can you imagine a world where everyone was equal?"

Understanding, I removed the mac from my cranium, and he pushed the fix. I relaxed in my seat. Tim Post's dismembered head was on, and actually doing quite well.

Answer 5

'Twas the season of Tims, when all through the warehouse by Meta,
An employee was yodelling (though his skills were quite beta).
The swag was stacked quite high as if without care,
And the echoing song made it crash down on Tim Post's hair.

"Oh the Horror!" he exclaimed, as 20 hats tumbled down,
"This is not how I wanted to Make it Rain", he said with a frown.
His head aching like too much time spent on Homebrewing,
He vowed to get up – This would not be his undoing.

"Luckily Winter is Coming" he thought to himself,
Using one hand for balance and the other on a shelf.
He pulled himself up and grabbed ice from outside,
Pressed it to his head and gave thanks he hadn't died.

"With Great Power..." he grumbled as he returned for the swag,
Picking up an Old Hat and Sock Puppet to stuff in his bag.
That was that – though he'd rather have hit the rep cap or relaxed with a beer,
Despite the accident this was certainly still his favorite time of year.

Answer 6

Tim Post's Head and the Unicorns

^{(One of Atwood's fables)}

In Meta Stack Overflow one summer's day, Tim Post's Head was hopping about, chirping and yodeling to its heart's brain's content. A Unicorn passed by, bearing along with great toil an Old Hat it was taking to the nest.

"Why not come and be Chatty Chatty," said Tim Post's Head, "Instead of toiling and moiling in that way?"

"I am helping to lay up hats because Winter is Coming," said the Unicorn, "and recommend you do the same."

"Why bother about winter?" said Tim Post's head; "we have got plenty of hats at present." But the Unicorn went on its way and continued its toil. When Winterbash came Tim Post's Head had no hats and found itself freezing to death, while it saw the Unicorns wearing The Millner because of their hard work in gathering 20 hats. Then Tim Post's Head knew:

When your head is all you have left, it's best to worry about getting hats.

Answer 7

Official Entry (within character limit) tl;dr; version

This year during WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me

Twelve Oh the Horrors,
Eleven Chuck Yeagers,
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

---

Unofficial extended version (over character limit)

On the first day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the second day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the third day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the fourth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the fifth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the sixth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the seventh day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the eighth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the ninth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the tenth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the eleventh day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Eleven Chuck Yeagers,
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

On the twelfth day of WinterBash
Stack Overflow sent to me
Twelve Oh the Horrors,
Eleven Chuck Yeagers,
Ten Bounty Hunters,
Nine Sock Puppets,
Eight Lonesome Cowboys,
Seven Frosties the Snowman,
Six RoboCops,
Five Defenders of the Realm,
Four Archeologists,
Johnny Three-Hats,
Two Marauders,
Tim Post's head and R-E-S-P-E-C-T for hitting the rep cap

Answer 8

To the tune of Jingle-Bells

Ohhhhh Dashing through the posts!
With more downvotes on the way!
Over to Meta I go! 
To write about my day! (ha ha ha) 

Hats are SE bling
Making regulars fight! 
what fun it is to double ping,
on the chat system all night!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Stack Overflow, Stack Overflow, 
Why doesn't this site pay?
Oh! what fun it is to argue
about why jQuery sucks all day!

Oh! Stack Overflow, Stack Overflow, 
You just made my day!
I could be working but instead I am 
Writing meta posts this way (in a song!) 

Answer 9

A long day, reviewing gems from eras long passed. The slave traders called Stack Exchange force us to review old questions. They promise us Careers when we leave... none have yet left.

Hats are our reward. We first earn the hat called "Passed Judgement." Given to new inductees on their first day. To serve as a reminder of all our delinquent pasts.

Those lucky few of us who... survive... are rewarded with the hat they call "Mr. Peanut Monopoly McDuck." For our persistence and survival, I think. The name is a joke. I laughed.

They gave me a gold badge with the hat. I know I will never have a chance to spend it. Over 100,000 left to go, and then we will be free. One of these days, the stack will overflow. Then, maybe, we can climb to freedom.

Some of us have gone mad. Tim Post, well... we all love Tim Post. But he's a little touched in the head. Sits and yodels all day. They will dispose of him, soon, but at least he makes us a little happier. He reminds us that there is some respite in insanity, after all.

Answer 10

♫Ohhhhhhhhh ♫

I went to Stack Overflow to find some brand new hats
I found a Sock Puppet and a big Link to the Past
I earned my Silver Badge and bit it to make sure
I never met Tim Post or his head so pure
I have heard that his yodeling can be heard
I hear that he might even grow to be a bard

I think all of my rhyming is done for now
I believe that this might in the end just earn me a cow

Answer 11

Area 51: the final frontier. These are the sites of the network Stack Exchange. Its 42-year mission: to explore strange new ways to say “Hello World!”, to seek out new answers and steal checkmarks, to be the First to boldly yodel where no one has yodeled before.

Answer 12

Bounties on questions and checkmarks on answers
Bright red Sock Puppets and scary Bounty Hunters
The winter bash icon lit up with earnings
These are a few of my favorite things

Teal colored unicorns and sharp witty comments
Yodels and rainbows and multi colliders with contents
Stack Overflow users with rep caps in their stockings
These are a few of my favorite things

Gravatars dressed in old hats with 8 bit pixels
Hats that stay on my signatures and profiles
Silver badged users who are now yearlings
These are a few of my favorite things

Answer 13

Mr. Binx and the Shog

^{(One of Atwood's fables)}

Mr. Binx was once boasting of his review speed before the developers in the Tavern on the Meta. "I have never yet been beaten," said he, "when I put forth my full speed I can outrace Chuck Yeager. I challenge any one here to review with me."

The Shog said quietly, "I accept your challenge."

"Ho Ho Ho, that is a good joke," said Mr. Binx; "I could reach the review cap before you yodel Hello World!"

"Keep your boasting till you've beaten," answered the Shog. "Shall we race?"

So a review limit was fixed and a start was made. Mr. Binx created a noticeable dent in the close vote reviews queue at once, but soon stopped and, to show his contempt for the Shog, went to steal a checkmark. The Shog plodded on and plodded on, and when Mr. Binx had his Marauder Hat, he saw the Shog just near the review limit and could not review in time to save the race. Then said the Shog:

"You should have used JQuery."

Answer 14

The answer to chess?!
"First" rep cap hit, Yodeling!
Award a bounty~?

Answer 15

The Cat-Maiden

^{(One of Atwood's fables)}

The devs were once disputing on Philosophy.SE whether it was possible for a living being to change its nature. Joel said "Yes," but Jeff said "No." So, to try The Question, Jupiter turned a Cat into a Community Manager, and gave her to the Yodeling Public Beta as a mod. The Public Beta began and the Cat-Maiden sat down at the keyboard taking care of 15 helpful flags. "See," said Joel, to Jeff, "how mod-like she behaves. Who could tell that yesterday she was but a Cat? Surely her nature is changed?"

"Wait a minute," replied Jeff, and made a Sock Puppet posing as a mouse post to the Public Beta. No sooner did Anna Lear see this than she jumped up from her seat and took a mouthful of monitor. "Ah, you see," said Jeff,

"Nature wins out."

Answer 16

To the tune of .. aww you'll get it :D

On the nth day of christmas Stack Overflow gave to me..
12 Syntax Errors
11 Downvotes
10 Low Quality Posts
9 Bad Questions
8 Answer Flags
7 Rollbacks
6 Chatroom Stars
FIVE GOLDEN HATSSSS
4 jQuery rulez
3 There's a plugin for that
2 relevant tags
AND A TIM POST YODELING IN A NODE TREEEEEE

Answer 17

First think about "The Christmas Song" by Nat King Cole - then read.

Questions on meta are all satire,
Moderators locking down your post
Newbie Complaints: "Why is my question closed?"
and hats that look like eskimos
Every regular knows, the close vote queue will never die
100 thousand votes, on the rise.
Tiny Tim, with his questions that show
we need to light the warehouse at night. 

We know that Hats are on their way
We only get them for the holiday
and every sockpuppet account is going to try
to get the kitty hat, two stars, or i'll die

And so I'm offering this 50pt bounty
to users from 1k to 92k
Although it's been said, many times, many ways .... 
how do I return an ajax result for you... 

Answer 18

01010100011010000110100101110011001000000110100101110011001000000110000100100000010000110110100001110010011010010111001101110100011011010110000101110011001000000111010001100001011011000110010100101100000011010000101001001001011011100010000001110111011010000110100101100011011010000010000001110100011101110110111100100000011010000110000101110100011100110010000001110100011000010110101101100101001000000111000001100001011100100111010000100000011100000111001001101111011101010110010001101100011110010010111000001101000010100101010101110011011001010111001001110011001000000110101101101110011011110111011101110011001000000110000101101110011001000010000001100011011000010110111000100000011101110110010101101100011011000010000001110100011001010110110001101100001011000000110100001010010101000110100001101001011100110010000001100011011011110110110101110000011010010110110001100101011001000010000001101000011011110110110001101001011001000110000101111001001000000111010001100001011011000110010100101110

Answer 19

Painfully
slogging
through
the mire
of the Stack Overflow close votes queue (already having performed
5 reviews in 5 queues to achieve a shiny RoboCop mask hat*), I
chanced upon this very Meta post. Due to my severest lack of other
hats, and my agonizing envy of the mysterious Eureka hat, I availed
myself of this opportunity to try to gain physical Stack Exchange stuff,
in place of glorious digital headwear. Gazing upon the other entries, I
see that my chances are nil. so I've decided to make this post in a shape
vaguely similar to that of a top hat, clinging to the meagerest of hopes
that Tim Post's mug-addled head will find some strange humo(u)r in
the rambling
of this humble
story I have
now written

---

A story of (hat-related) poverty

A story of (review-queue-related) pain

A story of (SE-swag-related) hope.

---

_Brown.

---

*Seriously, that's not a hat. Not even a little.

Answer 20

In the spirit of a totally pointless discussion I had yesterday

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Meta, there were two Tims.

Both were well renowned throughout the nation and R-E-S-P-E-C-Ted by all. Both had the ability to earn gold badges in a snap. One of them went on to be the greatest scholar of the nation, knowing every nook and cranny and secret passage. One became the foremost lawmaker, Keeper of the Swag, and ambassador to many nations like the land of Pets.

But everyone always wondered, who was The Tim? Who was greater?

To settle this they decided to have a duel, Fastest Gun In The West style. The first to answer wins.

On the appointed date both arrived and started writing. The scholar, always curious, looked to the side and... OH THE HORROR... noticed that his counterpart was a floating head. This meant that Tim the lawmaker had ascended to the level of Shog!

Eeeeek!, he cried, and realized that he could not hope to compete with such a being. He conceded defeat, and Tim the Lawmaker was henceforth known as The Tim.

Hopefully the bad attempt at flattery works :p

Answer 21

Based on Hershel and the Hannukah Goblins:

One night, in the height of winterbash, an old man named Hershel arrived in the small town of StackOverflow. Looking around, he was astounded to see a complete lack of hats. When asked why, the town's users explained that an evil army of trolls had cursed SO; to restore the hats, Hershel would need to face the trolls by spending 8 nights in the review queues while wearing a hat.

Donning his festive L'chaim hat, Hershel entered the queues. The first night passed calmly - mostly grammar fixes and re-tags, quickly earning Hershel the Florence Nightengale hat.

The next nights progressed from benign not-actual-answers, to blatant requests for homework solutions, to, on the last night, a string of highly offensive comments. With a yodelling cry, Hershel flagged posts as fast as he could (he had long since earned Conspiracy Theorist). In desperation, he changed his avatar to the concussed and disembodied head of Tom Post. The trolls were terrified and left immediately.

Answer 22

Answer 23

One day, Tim Post decided he wanted a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock for Winterbash instead of hats.

He asked the Bounty Hunter on Stack Overflow to win it for him.

Unfortunately for Tiny Tim, Florence Nightingale, told him he couldn’t have it because "You'll shoot your eye out".

Knowing that Winter is Coming, he deeply wanted to be the Defender of the Realm, he convinced Frosty the Snowman that he was worthy of the Red Ryder rifle. Tim yodeled with excitement, the noise caused an icicle to fall hitting his head giving him a concussion.

Florence screamed “Oh The Horror” but the Lonesome Cowboy rode in to save the day showing his silver badge while yelling “Hi Ho Silver” away.

Tim was not speedy like Chuck Yeager and would forever be a marauder wearing a patch over his eye.

The End.

Answer 24

^{♫ To the tune of Ylvis' "The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?)" ♫}

---

R-E-S-P-E-C-T for rep cap

Do The Swim! for 5 reviews

Sock Puppet when you answer your own question

and Old Hat for early user

Upboated for 5 posts scored 2

The Stallman for edit a cw post

and the Robocop for 5 reviews in 5 queues

First! for starred chat on NYD

and The Milliner for 20 hats

and Oh the Horror for guru badge on meta

But there's one question

StackOverflow does not know

WHY IS TIM YODELING?

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?

Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

WHY IS TIM YODELING?

Answer 25

In a hole in the Ground there lived Tim Post a' Yodeling. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of Sock Puppets and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare hole with no questions to close. It was Meta StackOverflow, and that means O the Horror!

Answer 26

Deck the Halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Tis' the season to be jolly, Ho ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho.

Don we now our gay Milliners, Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Troll the ancient moderators, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Get a third hat, Johnny three-hats, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Strike the harp and join the Yodel, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow me to Stack Overflow, Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

While I tell of Secret hats, O', Fa la la, la la la, la la la.

Answer 27

The nightmare before Christmas

There must be a mixup I thought to myself.
It can't be right. Maybe that shelf
with the box that struck Tim Post in the head
did much damage to StackExchange servers instead?

"Oh the Horror" cried users of StackOverflow.
How could this happen? Does anyone know?
The Question that haunts is about the elite.
How could one earn more rep this year than Jon Skeet?

Win a bounty? win 10? win a million?
You need to win more than that (try a billion).
Ninja skills, (shurikens) and speedy suggestions
come from Martijn Pieters' answers to python based questions.

At least there are hats to collect the most of.
That would be a great accomplishment to boast of.
But no, Martijn's got the lead in that too.
It looks like my nightmares just might all be true.

They can't be true! -- I'll wake in the morn
And the dream will be over, no longer forlorn.
I'll open my laptop and as always has been
I'll see the leaderboard set right once again.

Answer 28

I entered a dirty old corner club. I was a lonesome cowboy carrying my hard-earned silver badge with pride. I walked up to the bar and asked for a drink, but before the bartender could react, a mysterious figure loudly entered the club. I only saw a shadow until they stepped out of the dark. There he was. Mr. Binx was yodeling on Tim Post's head. Photography skills would have been useful that day. That was definitely the first and last time I'm going to see that.

Answer 29

much story              cat hat!

           wow


                   very updo

many Tim              
                much yodeling

wow!

But seriously, a holiday rhyme:

Cruising around town in my new cat hat
Looking for a stack question that isn't crap
Tim Post yodeling but that ain't wack
He does it on the daily till his rep hit the cap

A downvote killed his updo
There was nothing that he could do
When he editted his post the voter put him a stew
And that was so impromptu

• SO Rap

Answer 30

I was sitting on the couch playing The Legend Of Zelda: A Link To The Past and yodelling along to the latest Jewel song, when suddenly there was a knock on my door. It was Johnny Three-Hats, looking to collect for his paper route. "Two dollars!", he said. I looked him dead in the eye and replied, "What's that gonna do for you, earn a silver badge or something? Go try your luck at Aviation." It wasn't until many years later that I found out his real name was Jon Skeet...