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After selecting from the unicoin menu to buy unicoins with bacon, I don't receive my unicoins and my computer smells funny.

Steps to reproduce:

  1. From the unicoin menu -> Buy unicoins
  2. select "Alternative Payments"
  3. select "Valuables"
  4. select "Bacon" (very valuable)
  5. Press the button on the Delicatessen Variety Dispenser.
  6. Wait for bacon accepting tray to fully eject.
  7. Carefully place bacon on tray, avoiding the over-sized drain.
  8. Gently push the dispenser closed.
  9. Observe no additional unicoins.
  10. Observe nice, tasty smell.
  11. Observe bad, smoky smell.

I've tried a variety of bacon, from Back Bacon to Slab Bacon, with no success.

Perhaps the transaction processing is caught in an infinite loop, as the dispenser won't eject anymore?

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2
  • ... seeing this title on the meta /questions page... <3
    – Matt
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 7:20
  • 1
    +1 Also having trouble paying with bacon.
    – Amicable
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 8:52

5 Answers 5

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15

Your errors are in steps 7 and 8:

7.Carefully place bacon on tray, avoiding the over-sized drain.
8.Gently push the dispenser closed.

(Emphasis mine.)

You need to show the Dispenser who's boss. Jam that bacon in there and give the thing a whack on the side for good measure.

In addition, the firmer your approach is, the higher your coin-to-bacon exchange rate will be.

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3
  • 6
    I tried Jamming it as you described. Initially I made the mistake of using an Orange Marmalade, but then I realized that's not a true Jam. I've used Grape Jam, Strawberry Jam, and I'm about to give it the Raspberry.
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 8:18
  • You're nothing if not thorough! But remember, jam yesterday and jam tomorrow, but never jam today. (Also, try blackberry. Yum!)
    – jscs
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 8:19
  • @EdwinBuck I think I know where you're going wrong - you need to use Bacon Jam... It's tasty and delicious.
    – Zhaph - Ben Duguid
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 12:25
3

You are supposed to insert the bacon into the 5.25 inch floppy drive, so that the unicorns will get it.

If you insert the bacon into the CD drive, then the computer will eat it instead.

Alternatively, you can jam the bacon into the USB 3.0 port on your computer for unicoins, but it will be worth less because it is crushed :(

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2

Apparently it depends of the bacon's overall quality.

You need to find one that's worth his salt.

Where do your bacon come from?

Living in Paris I'm pretty sure I won't never be able to pay with French bacon (and even French bacon doesn't make sense). We have a Marks & Spencer though...

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1

Clearly your bacon was too thin and couldn't be detected by the Francisbaconing machine. Please, stop the culture of the transparent bacon and go back to the nice, thick, consistent, chunky loaves of joy we knew and treasured.

SAVE THE FAT BACON!

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  • 1
    I tried a Francis Bacon once. Basically it indicated that it was delicious if there were no bites left, and if there was one bite left it was just as delicious as it would be if you removed a bite. I enjoyed it througally, and somehow I lept to the conclusion that all Francis Bacon was delicious too!
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 19:27
1

Try applying HP Sauce to the bacon. I find that makes it more acceptable.

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1
  • HP Sauce is very expensive, I'be been getting by for years buying ingredients and self-assembling a sauce. I'm not sure if building a brand free sauce is cheaper anymore, but at least I feel good that a critical ingredient doesn't come from the cheapest vendor. But if you must buy off the shelf, HP's business sauce offerings are very nice, but I'd avoid their consumer sauce grades.
    – Edwin Buck
    Commented Apr 1, 2014 at 19:25

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