6

I don't want to comment here any more because I'm pretty damn angry with the asker who can't be bothered to read the duplicate, even though it is the perfect textbook duplicate, with has thousands of upvotes and essay-length texts to explain exactly what is going wrong and how to fix it, and demands to be helped personally.

So I walk away, to not blow my gasket even further; but then the user is also definitely leaving the site with "Stack Overflow sucks" and "nobody is helpful" opinion.

What should I do? Also, I am aware I might not have reacted the best way - what would have been a better way?

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    Much of the disconnect here is the asker's misunderstanding of what SO is meant to be. He's assuming it's a help desk, where he can ask questions and basically be given what he needs to solve his problem. Whereas one big expectation we have is that users invest some of their own time into their problems and be able to apply more generic solutions. They want to be spoonfed, we only provide whole slices that they need to digest. – fbueckert Oct 17 '18 at 13:49
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    The best way to help would be to explain that they should read the answers on the duplicate, then edit their question to explain why that didn’t help so that their question can be taken off hold. That way they might get their question answered (or not), but they understand how SE works a little better. – ColleenV Oct 17 '18 at 16:16
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    From the perspective of the question author, but contains good advice to impart to them: Someone flagged my question as already answered, but it's not – Sonic the Anonymous WizHog Oct 18 '18 at 2:12
  • @SonictheInclusiveWerehog: Ironically, this is so not a dupe (which I think you are aware of as well, one being about a frustrated asker looking for help with not getting their questions closed, the other about a frustrated answerer looking for ways to deal with people too lazy to be helped while not breaking Be Nice) - though I agree it is quite relevant. :D – Amadan Oct 18 '18 at 2:19
  • Which is why I edited my comment and retracted my vote. I sometimes use it as an alternative to manually copying and pasting both the title and the link. – Sonic the Anonymous WizHog Oct 18 '18 at 3:02
  • @SonictheInclusiveWerehog Ah, gotcha! :) – Amadan Oct 18 '18 at 3:25
  • Should be on [meta.so]... – user202729 Oct 18 '18 at 9:11
  • @user202729: I don't spend much time on metas; moreover, http://meta.*.com/help redirects to http://*.com/help (I was actually trying to see guidelines to distinguish whether to post to meta.so or meta.se). In the end, the question is much more about answering than programming so I picked meta.se. I don't mind if it's migrated though. – Amadan Oct 18 '18 at 9:13
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I've started just leaving after voting to close; especially for that particular dupe.

Handling async code is a difficult concept to wrap your head around when you're first starting out, and it's unlikely that you'll be able to say anything meaningful in a comment that will give the OP an "aha" moment that isn't already said in so many words in that dupe target. I've tried giving tl;drs that are tailored to their question, but that seems to just "tease" them with a tailored answer.

I can drop a dupe close vote and walk away, and that may seem cold, but starting to help them, then saying "well, just read the dupe, it answers this." seems worse.

Unfortunately, increasingly, I have to ask myself if helping people out in comments just gives them more ammo to accuse us of being rude if things sour later. I'm starting to think that saying less gives me less opportunities to get frustrated, and have that frustration spill out accidentally into comments that I was intending to be helpful.

Tl;dr: Close vote it, then walk away. There are other people elsewhere willing to accept your help.

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    I'm thinking you may be right, even as I feel it's gotta be wrong. :( – Amadan Oct 17 '18 at 12:24

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