I am sure this situation gets arise often network wide. At least I came across some during my experience. Generally, there is no compulsion that moderators should participate in chat and answer queries. But it is much expected that they should be accountable to the community. Fortunately, I participate on sites where the mods are available for ping (whether they reply is secondary).
When we ping a moderator for a clarification of something regarding flags or moderation, it is natural that there will be discussions between moderator and the user. There could be long discussions when these are about meta matters and policy making or something related to deletion. I engage in discussions where the discussions take place for long time (not long as per MSE, SO standard but according to beta site standard) like 10 minutes regarding some policy. There may be an exchange of some 10 messages from each side. When this happens between a moderator and me, the other users do not participate and play some jokes that I am talking too much. I am entitled to clear the assumptions and claims made on me. So I reply. Moderators make assertions that I am blaming them every time and bunks the topic without answering the queries. Some or the other way, it gets portrayed that there is a fight between mods and me. Some play
lame jokes that I am doing to achieve something. Some even think I criticize for each and every action which is not true. I tried to say that it is not a fight and a query and a discussion.
How do I let the users know that such discussions between a moderator and user for clarifications and policies are okay and common on Stack Exchange network and this is not a personal fight or hate towards them?
I am sure this happens on other sites too. I am linking to some chat conversation. This is an experience I have multiple times and tried clarifying that I am not fighting. I am looking for a general answer.