I have anxiety issues too and I find that the stack "Interpersonal Skills" (also called "IPS") does a very good job at not triggering it.
IPS does moderate differently from the rest of the network. We are very strict about comments and also expect answers to be strongly backed up.
Questions on IPS tend to be very personal and can touch delicate issues like race, gender, etc... So this is why we had to come up with ways to be extra-careful not to hurt the other person feelings when leaving a comment/answering a question.
About comments
We don't allow people to argue or chitchat in comments. And, if people want to suggest an improvement, they need to do it in a very explicit way (as to not be seen as a personal attack).
This is all described here but the core of the answer is:
Phrasing comments like that avoid a lot of conflicts. And, if there is still conflict remaining, you can trust the mod to quickly step in and erase all traces of it. In fact, mods even have a canned comment that says something like that:
If you disagree with the answer you can downvote, if you think you can write a better answer please do so. Asking someone to fundamentally change their answer isn't 'suggesting an improvement' and it's not what comments are for.
With those two comment rules, unless you are in the wrong place at the wrong time (meaning, the community hasn't had the time to clean stuff yet), you won't see any conflict.
About answers
There could be conflict in answers to. Fortunately, we also have a rule for that.
It's all explained here and here, but the important parts are the following:
Responding to "How do I $x?" with "Doing $x is inexcusable and/or evil." is inappropriate. [...] Telling someone "Don't believe that, it's wrong' isn't an answer on this stack.
Answer the actual question that is asked. If someone is asking 'People know my age online, and aren't taking me seriously because of it, how do I ask them to stop?", the answer IS NOT to tell someone not to tell their age online.
However, IPS does allow answers that suggest a "work-around" to achieve what the OP wants to achieve while still respecting the premise of the question.
By doing this, we avoid conflict in answers.
About chat
Sorry, I don't have much here (and it's getting late), so I'll let someone else answer that part.
However, here are still some ground rules I try to follow for myself:
If something makes you uncomfortable, say so.
If a discussion is triggering your anxiety, ask people to move the conversation in another chat or to ping you when said conversation is over (we do that in "The Awkward Silence" and it works fine).
