The new CoC is now in effect. And it includes the new gender pronouns aspect.

But many users (like me) are more than sure that the feeling of one group cannot prevail over others. One mod has been fired and many have resigned in protest specifically for this reason.

We understand that it is clearly unfair when the feeling of those who want other people to change the way they express themselves (by changing gender pronouns when "required") is prioritized over the people that feels coerced to do so.

This does not sound like a cordial request, but as an imposition.

We do not feel well because it is authoritative and hurts our personal values. (with this new rule, our feeling is not being taken into account)

It seems inevitable that problems will arise. Especially because it is very likely that most users have not even read the code of conduct and therefore are completely unaware of this new rule.

So, how does SE intend to solve this?

For users who still disagree, even after a warning, what will be your solution?

This question is not answered by What does the Code of Conduct say about pronouns? because the mentioned question and its answers start from the assumption that this is an issue already resolved.

This question was asking indirectly (now directly), if SE staff is open to dialogue and find a different and more impartial solution.

From the downvotes here (-267 at the time I'm writing), it's clear that this is an unsolved issue, and it would be interesting if we could find another solution.

  • 12
    Why do you think that this particular violation of the CoC would be treated any differently from other violations?
    – ColleenV
    Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:33
  • 6
    I mean... it's no different than any other rule. The moderator dealing with your case (which is generally a member that's been part of the community for while and is well aware of norms) will use their own best judgement. No one's gonna get banned on the first time they make a mistake, however, don't be surprised if a moderator is able to see through a facade acting as if an infraction is innocent if there's a clear history of abuse by a given user.
    – Kevin B
    Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:35
  • @ColleenV, I think that they could reconsider this specific part, so I'm just dialoguing Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:35
  • 4
    Who is this "We" you talk about?
    – rene
    Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:35
  • 4
    @rene, at least, all the upvoters of Caleb's resignation, and the upvoters from other questions, like this meta.stackexchange.com/questions/335375/… Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:37
  • 3
    And all the current and future upvoters of this question, as well Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:38
  • 3
    I have the feeling this is all answered in the Pronoun FAQ: meta.stackexchange.com/questions/336364/…
    – rene
    Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:40
  • 1
    @KevinB, the point is also to dialogue to SE before more division, more resignations, and possibly more harm to the community, as this is interpreted by part of the community as a unilateral imposition. Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:40
  • 3
    More dialog won't appease those who seek to find fault in every action that occurs. In fact, it seems as though every time they act/speak, things get worse. A period of silence may not be the worst thing to happen.
    – Kevin B
    Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:41
  • 1
    I upvoted Caleb's post way back when because it was the most useful post (at the time) giving details about The Monica Situation. I disagree with Caleb about pronouns (and probably many other things), but the upvote was for the abundance of detail. Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:51
  • If you post but refuse to follow the CoC, and post in contexts where conforming to the CoC is necessary, eventually you are likely to receive flags for being rude or abusive, which will be seen by the moderators.
    – Raedwald
    Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 16:52
  • 3
    This post would be better as an answer on the Feedback question for the pronoun FAQ. Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 17:30

1 Answer 1


Same as any other CoC violation

This is explicitly laid out in What does the Code of Conduct say about pronouns?:

M1. I'm a moderator. What should I do if I see these rules being broken?

If someone makes an honest mistake, you could point it out gently. (Or let the person in question do it. If it seems likely that they would prefer that.) But if someone knows and is refusing to comply, treat this as you would any other case where someone is deliberately breaking the CoC.


U2. I'm worried that I may get banned. Should I be?

Not if you're acting in good faith. If you go out of your way to talk to, or refer to, people in ways you know they will find upsetting, then you are likely to get the same sort of escalating warnings and suspensions as you would for wilfully upsetting people in other ways.

(emphasis mine)

The new addition to the CoC is still part of the CoC and a violation of it will be treated in the same way as any other violation by us moderators and by SE. And of course the answer to that would be that it depends on the history of the person violating it, the violation itself and the context around it. Generally, we warn a user first (in a mod message if necessary) and then go through an escalating series of suspensions.

Of course these are only the hard moderator actions that we take in response to actual instances of harmful actions being taken. We often also try to talk with users and work out issues on a human level, if possible, in addition to these options.

In the case of a moderator violating the CoC in any way, that'd be escalated to SE and they would presumably follow their new procedure for handling that.

  • 7
    I downvote because I believe that this option removes every possibility of dialogue. Commented Nov 13, 2019 at 17:38

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