Where should I go for questions about how other people made friends online?

The question I want to ask is this:

I want to make real friends online.

We believe that if we talk often or do things together often, we naturally become friends.

Assuming you've met good people online, it's hard to keep in touch with most of the people I've met. In more than 90% of cases, I contact them first. They seldom send me messages.

I see a lot of people making friends online. How did they become friends? (They all responded kindly and one of them even greeted me saying that he had no friends.)

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    This type of "share your story" question won't fit anywhere on SE. While some sites do have answers written from experience, great subjective questions are more than mindless social fun
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 24 at 16:29
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    Sadly, nowhere on Stack Exchange. There were several attempts to create SE sites for sexuality and relationships, all failed. Sep 24 at 16:31
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    Without PMs, personal messages, it's nigh on impossible to get to know users better on SE. Unless you attend the same conferences and agree to meet up in RL, it's very hard to make any meaningful relationship on this network. Elsewhere it's much easier, social media networks allow their users to communicate, one to one, with each other. Start by sending a PM complimenting them on a post and take it from there. Sep 25 at 11:09
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    For an on-topic question, see the debate below Elements in space's answer, you could ask what you are doing wrong if 90% of the people you contact ignore your messages. You would have to give an example of a message sent, there's no need to include your username or even the website's name if you prefer to remain anonymous. Also, give examples where you tried a different approach but without success. Online friendships take time, people are more suspicious of each other compared to twenty-five years ago. The Internet was a friendlier place because it was smaller (believe it or not). Sep 25 at 11:20
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    I don't see the reason why this question has been downvoted so much: someone is asking where to go with a specific question, which is completely fine on Meta. Many similar questions have been well-received.
    – Joachim
    Sep 25 at 11:47
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    @Joachim I've added mine because the combination of question in the title, example question and very wrong accepted answer makes this post unuseful to future visitors. I don't want to see users and their low quality contributions turning up on IPS with wrong expectations because of this post. So every little bit that can send a warning and make this less discoverable helps.
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 25 at 12:29
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    @Tinkeringbell That makes sense, but judging a question by its answers is wrong policy, I believe. I think this question just needs a right answer, which will get upvoted accordingly.
    – Joachim
    Sep 25 at 12:43
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    @Joachim that only works if there is a right answer, which to this question doesn't exist as there is no site on SE taking this, as explained in my first comment. And even if there was a site, and the answer recommending it is upvoted the accepted answers here are pinned, so it's still stuck with a totally wrong site recommendation driving low quality posts and wrong expectations to a site that doesn't need more of them.
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 25 at 13:00
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    @Tinkeringbell I meant an answer akin to your first comment, pointing out there is no such place here, which I think is the right answer. You could even convert that comment to an answer. And higher scoring answers rise to the top, so I think the accepted answer won't get much attention.
    – Joachim
    Sep 25 at 13:29
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    @Tinkeringbell – your recent edit to the question reframes it in a way that doesn't represent the question I thought I was answering at all. Sep 25 at 18:21

2 Answers 2


Try over at SE: Interpersonal Skills.

Their help center says that:

Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question & answer site for people looking to better understand or improve their interpersonal skills: the behaviours that are used to interact with other people in an attempt to achieve certain goals.


Since this answer has been Accepted – it is worth clarifying that this type of question is apparently not on-topic for SE: Interpersonal Skills.

Currently (and in the foreseeable future) there is no SE site where this sort of question would be a good fit – sorry.

  • 12
    Do not even try, it doesn't fit there
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 24 at 16:25
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    @Tinkeringbell am I misreading the help center, or is it out of date? Sep 24 at 16:51
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    You are misreading or misunderstanding it. The quote you just edited in has no relation to the example question here, as that one is just mindless social fun, not about an Interpersonal Skill. The quote is also just a preface to a lot more text that explains what is and isn't on topic. Which excludes the example here.
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 24 at 16:56
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    Making friends is an interpersonal skill. Some of the top tags on that site are [friends], [relationships], and [making-friends]. Calling this "mindless social fun" is rude. Sep 24 at 17:17
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    Sigh. You literally just added a quote about what Interpersonal Skills are, from the help center, to your question. An interpersonal skill is a behavior you use while interacting, to achieve a certain goal. You clearly show you don't understand the quote: making friends would be the goal, but it's not a behavior you use while interacting. And yes, the question here is mindless social fun, as defined here, "how did they become friends" is one of those 'getting to know you' questions.
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 24 at 17:31
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    The question here is about as useful as asking "how did others program hello world" on Stack Overflow. Just mindless social fun.
    – Tinkeringbell Mod
    Sep 24 at 17:33
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    @ElementsinSpace perhaps you can find a better subject to argue with about the topicality of IPS then an IPS moderator....
    – Luuklag
    Sep 24 at 20:56

I dabble across the network - and while IPS is for questions about the behaviors used when interacting with people towards specific outcomes - it's not about picking up social skills or a subset of them, or for sharing of anecdotal personal experiences. It's worth reading the entire help page, and not cherry picking from it.

Of course - I'm going to cherry pick a little bit, and quote:

Questions focusing on using and improving your own interpersonal skills, in an attempt to resolve specific problems or prevent problems from occurring when having specific interactions with people. A list of what to include to make these questions answerable can be found in the section "Questions must be specific enough to be answered"

I've been on the internet, and have had a social life on it for the last 20 or so years at least. Nearly every relationship I've had on the internet has been different.

If you want to know "how" to make friends on the internet - I don't think IPS is the right place nor are there any good sites for it. It's a really broad topic. How I would interact with a specific person would be different from how someone else would interact with them, and how I would interact with another person.

If you have a question about a specific interaction it might be, but I feel based off what I know of the site, and the comments - that the answer from Elements in Space is incorrect.

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