366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

9
  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-)
    – none
    May 20, 2009 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page)
    – VonC
    Jun 20, 2009 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) Jun 26, 2009 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts
    – Thilo
    Jun 30, 2009 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...?
    – Frank V
    Jul 1, 2009 at 22:51
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? Nov 25, 2009 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"...
    – Matt
    Nov 30, 2009 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone.
    – plafayette
    Feb 14, 2010 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it.
    – Gnoupi
    Jul 28, 2010 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

1
2 3 4 5
10
819
votes

These are written in the third person so as not to disrupt the style of the thing. But hey, as we all know, Jon Skeet can make 1 == 3 anyway, so it makes no difference.

  • Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe.
  • Jon Skeet's addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
  • Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
  • Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
  • Jon Skeet is the only person who has ranked higher than Jon Skeet in the SO all-time rep league.
  • Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.
30
  • 30
    That anon types one is a gem.
    – StingyJack
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:59
  • People who 'boo' Jon Skeet are never heard from again - this is your only warning...
    – JeremyDWill
    Nov 21, 2008 at 22:20
  • 30
    Well played, sir. I'm glad you joined in the fun, instead of being embarrassed or offended by this question. It says a lot that you took it in the same spirit it was intended. :) Nov 21, 2008 at 23:18
  • 263
    Jon Skeet does not refer to himself in the third person. Jon Skeet is always the first person, regardless of who is speaking about him.
    – Dan Dyer
    Nov 22, 2008 at 0:22
  • 2
    >> Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to >> change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe. You weren't reading my book carefuly ;-) we'll just create new clone with some properties changed.
    – Tomas Petricek
    Nov 22, 2008 at 1:42
  • 17
    He really should be the leading authority on the topic. :) Nov 23, 2008 at 17:01
  • 5
    Bill - that's why this is the accepted answer. =P Nov 25, 2008 at 18:17
  • 3
    @Jon: wouldn't you prefer your first gold badge to be for your canonical post on for loops instead of a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes? :) It's OK - Al Pacino didn't really get his Oscar for Scent of a Woman, either.
    – MusiGenesis
    Nov 26, 2008 at 18:26
  • 2
    Sharing knowledge and helping others is one of the major reasons for personal satisfaction, and what really pushes this satisfaction to the edge, is people's appreciation and thankfulness. Jon you earned that, you really deserve to be happy about yourself. :)
    – Galilyou
    Mar 11, 2009 at 10:12
  • 1
    I have read this post more than all the novels I have read combined!
    – Saj
    Sep 16, 2009 at 8:42
  • 3
    Even though JonSkeet is immutable and therefore is a value, isn't there SOME way I can reference him? Surely he isn't static or sealed or volatile or....or....unmanaged!
    – jro
    Oct 1, 2009 at 16:33
  • 1
    @Lord Torgamus: If you like nice round numbers, my sleep pattern has nearly reached one too ;) meta.stackexchange.com/questions/555/…
    – Jon Skeet
    Nov 24, 2009 at 14:51
  • 3
    As of today Jon Skeet is officially immutable. He's the first to receive the bronze immutable badge.
    – Ates Goral
    Mar 25, 2011 at 6:17
  • 1
    Shouldn't that answer end with: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends."
    – LarsTech
    Jun 10, 2011 at 23:00
  • 1
    Jon Skeet can write Java in Visual Studio. Nov 22, 2011 at 2:10
910
votes
  • Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
  • Jon Skeet's SO reputation is only as modest as it is because of integer overflow (SQL Server does not have a datatype large enough)
  • Jon Skeet is the only top 100 SO user who is human. The others are bots that he coded to pass the time between questions.
  • Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge.
  • Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
  • When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
  • Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
  • When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"
  • There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.
43
  • 77
    I love the MS Paint one.
    – Bryan Anderson
    Nov 21, 2008 at 15:00
  • 36
    Shouldn't that be "Jon Skeet can divide by zero. Twice" Nov 21, 2008 at 15:32
  • 1
    Dan your quote so great hahaha the best of the whole thread Nov 21, 2008 at 17:56
  • 37
    LOL :) "Compiler apologises if Jon's code fails to compile".
    – Pradeep
    Nov 21, 2008 at 17:57
  • 82
    There's a delicious irony to the fact that this answer has more upvotes than my most "popular" answer :)
    – Jon Skeet
    Nov 21, 2008 at 18:40
  • 29
    @Bill, no problem :) If Jon Skeet answers a question and gets fewer votes than you, the Internet is broken.
    – Dan Dyer
    Nov 22, 2008 at 0:19
  • 4
    @Dan: Luckily Jon Skeet can fix it. :) Nov 22, 2008 at 1:08
  • 12
    Apparently I'm a bot invented by Jon Skeet... :-0 Nov 24, 2008 at 0:43
  • 10
    "When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises." hahah, that's the best one I've read on this page.
    – ಠ_ಠ
    Jan 5, 2009 at 17:58
  • 23
    "When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" " - I actually checked, just in case somebody from Google picked up on it. ;-) Jan 7, 2009 at 3:18
  • 13
    "Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge." Does that mean he knows Piet? dangermouse.net/esoteric/piet.html
    – mmyers
    Apr 13, 2009 at 20:33
  • 24
    "Jon Skeet can divide by zero." may be the best line ever written on stackoverflow.
    – pomarc
    May 4, 2009 at 9:31
  • 6
    When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" - SO should do this :-)
    – Graphain
    Sep 9, 2009 at 2:15
  • 5
    "When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" " - I was so disappointed when Google didn't... =( Mar 1, 2010 at 2:05
  • 12
    + I can't stop laughing even when I read it in the office When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
    – IsmailS
    Aug 5, 2010 at 11:06
614
votes

Jon Skeet has already written a book about C# 5.0.

It’s currently sealed up.

In three years, Anders Hejlsberg is going to open the book to see if the language design team got it right.

12
  • ...hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnac_the_Magnificent Nov 21, 2008 at 20:52
  • 77
    I think this is my favourite so far.
    – Jon Skeet
    Nov 21, 2008 at 20:55
  • This one is amazing. I laughed very hard.
    – Robert S.
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:22
  • ROFL, this is brutal.
    – lubos hasko
    Nov 24, 2008 at 3:28
  • I still laugh at this one. Brilliant. Mar 5, 2009 at 18:12
  • this one is so great!!!
    – presario
    May 7, 2009 at 10:07
  • this is the best !!
    – Yassir
    May 11, 2009 at 23:10
  • 1
    I love this! Its even funnier cos its true.
    – Matt
    Nov 30, 2009 at 16:05
  • 5
    THis is the best one.
    – Pekka
    Jan 30, 2010 at 15:17
  • 1
    Amazon link plz.
    – Towhid
    Aug 26, 2011 at 10:26
  • It's been 3 years. What's the news?
    – gen_Eric
    Dec 15, 2011 at 18:43
  • 2
    @Rocket - I've heard that the language design team was spot-on except for minor contextual keyword choice differences in the async feature. They are not going to reveal the correct keywords, for fear it would create dissatisfaction among C# programmers with the language as it is actually being implemented. Thus we will never know what awesomeness C#5 could have been. Dec 15, 2011 at 23:20
546
votes

Jon Skeet can recite π. Backwards.

13
  • .. in his sleep.
    – Gishu
    Nov 26, 2008 at 15:26
  • 12
    That's actually a really good one.
    – Andrew Rollings
    Dec 13, 2008 at 19:20
  • 17
    Freaking brilliant.
    – Jeffrey
    Dec 23, 2008 at 2:12
  • really hilarious
    – Thomas Danecker
    Jan 19, 2009 at 1:18
  • I think this is the second-best of all (after "Jon Skeet can divide by zero").
    – MusiGenesis
    Feb 4, 2009 at 21:23
  • 16
    and, by the way, I think he`s one who can get reputation up by answering questions about himself:)
    – chester89
    Mar 10, 2009 at 18:30
  • I wonder why Jon hasn't commented on this one... Brilliant!
    – presario
    May 7, 2009 at 10:08
  • This one is the best answer ever May 19, 2009 at 8:00
  • 43
    That pi symbol doesn't look like a pi symbol. It looks like Stonehenge.
    – Nosredna
    May 31, 2009 at 14:56
  • 1
    @presario: He's still reciting...
    – splattne
    Jun 27, 2009 at 15:14
  • I had a: hmm, heh.... <quarter drops> ... oooooooh!
    – NomeN
    Jul 15, 2009 at 11:27
  • 58
    @Nosredna, that's appropriate, since Jon Skeet built Stonehenge. Jul 25, 2009 at 7:37
  • 1
    This one is definitely my favorite! Oct 30, 2009 at 15:10
533
votes
  • Jon Skeet once answered one of my questions 42 seconds before I asked it. It is my belief that he employed a super computer and Infinite Improbability Drive technology to achieve this result.

  • When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear.

  • Donald Knuth wears a "Jon Skeet is my Homeboy" t-shirt to show off at parties.

  • Jon Skeet is the traveling salesman. Only he knows the shortest route.

  • Jon Skeet can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.

  • Jon Skeet took the red pill and the blue pill, and can phase-shift in and out of the Matrix at will.

  • Jon Skeet has root access to your system.

  • The Dining Philosophers wait while Jon Skeet eats.

  • Jon Skeet knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, both African and European.

  • Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.

  • Jon Skeet saved the Princess.

23
  • 62
    "When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear." ROFLMAO! Now there's Mountain Dew on my monitor, thanks a lot! Nov 21, 2008 at 16:29
  • I do love the "null quakes in fear joke" that's awesome!
    – Fry
    Nov 21, 2008 at 23:49
  • 11
    that one about Prof. Knuth using a t-shirt whit Jon's name is really funny!
    – Alex. S.
    Nov 22, 2008 at 4:43
  • 2
    The first one is definitely true, every time I try to answer something at night the "new answers" prompt appears and its always Jon answering.
    – cfeduke
    Nov 24, 2008 at 22:59
  • haaaaaaaaaaaaa this was hilarious
    – Sara Chipps
    Nov 26, 2008 at 16:33
  • lmfao @ null quakes in fear
    – Eduardo León
    Dec 23, 2008 at 23:17
  • 6
    Hahaha, the traveling salesman one is my favorite.
    – Rob
    Dec 30, 2008 at 15:15
  • 5
    I thought this was Chuck Norris style not reality @Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.
    – CrashCodes
    Jan 15, 2009 at 21:53
  • 1
    I motion to re-accept the answer to this question +1 (best comp sci references)
    – Toran Billups
    Feb 8, 2009 at 15:33
  • 30
    African or European ?
    – Vagnerr
    Mar 6, 2009 at 11:55
  • 3
    @Vagnerr: Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh! Mar 6, 2009 at 14:44
  • The null is good. Kinda want a "Jon's code throws Code Pointer Exceptions at nulls" or something, but I can't get it quite right...
    – Bill K
    Mar 29, 2009 at 4:37
  • 26
    The dining philosophers!! Classic!
    – sjobe
    Jun 26, 2009 at 14:36
  • 1
    Seriously, best answer yet... :)
    – Aviad Ben Dov
    Aug 20, 2009 at 19:01
  • 5
    "Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges" -- sadly, he has well over 10x more
    – Dinah
    Apr 30, 2010 at 19:55
395
votes

Q: Can Jon Skeet ask a question that even Jon Skeet can't answer?

A: Yes. And he can answer it, too.

1
  • 18
    LOL, this one's in my top 3.
    – j_random_hacker
    May 27, 2009 at 16:52
343
votes

If Jon Skeet posts a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question will be closed as a duplicate.

0
258
votes
  • when Jon gives a method an argument, the method loses
  • when Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed
  • when invoking one of Jon's callbacks, the runtime adds "please"
  • drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code
1
  • 7
    #3: So the runtime translates Jon's code into INTERCAL
    – Gorpik
    Feb 6, 2009 at 9:29
250
votes

JONBERT

JONBERT appears courtesy of:

SkeetOverflow

15
  • 4
    I recognize Greg Hewgill in the last panel, and I'm probably the only one who spotted my own logo. :) So, who is that speaking in the last panel, and who is the PHB supposed to be? (This is hilarious, BTW.) Nov 29, 2008 at 3:05
  • 7
    PHB = Pointy-Haired Boss (or Pointy-Haired Banana from Peanut Butter Jelly Time). The speaker is Joel Spolsky-as-Wally.
    – MusiGenesis
    Nov 29, 2008 at 3:10
  • You're probably the only person who has even seen this. The crowd at Jon Skeet Facts? has kind of thinned out.
    – MusiGenesis
    Nov 29, 2008 at 3:11
  • Yeah, but it's a week old. There are real questions to answer. :) Nov 29, 2008 at 14:40
  • 12
    I assume I'm not the only one to equate PHB's pointy hair to Coding Horror's site logo?
    – Yuvi
    Dec 7, 2008 at 8:38
  • You're the first to notice so far. :) No one has spotted the Charles Manson reference yet.
    – MusiGenesis
    Dec 7, 2008 at 13:20
  • 1
    Is that a swastika on Jon's forehead?
    – Robert S.
    Dec 9, 2008 at 3:29
  • No, it's the weird little symbol next to the logo on Coding Horror. The JPEG is crappy so it doesn't show up very well.
    – MusiGenesis
    Dec 9, 2008 at 5:47
  • Well, there's the Manson reference for you. :p
    – Robert S.
    Dec 9, 2008 at 21:07
  • You got it. Enjoy your badge. :)
    – MusiGenesis
    Dec 9, 2008 at 22:21
  • What's the 'G' for in "1.0G" ? Dec 10, 2008 at 22:42
  • Giga. We all know managers have big egos. :)
    – MusiGenesis
    Dec 10, 2008 at 23:09
  • 4
    I wish I could vote twice. Jan 7, 2009 at 3:19
  • HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHA
    – user50049
    Mar 3, 2009 at 7:53
  • Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    – Carson Myers
    May 22, 2009 at 20:53
196
votes
  1. Jon Skeet does not sleep.. He waits.
  2. Google is Jon Skeet behind a proxy.
  3. Jon Skeet does not recognize anonymous types in .net .. he knows everyone of them and where they live.
  4. Jeff Atwood bought a monster GPU just to calculate J S's rep on SO... CPUs don't cut it anymore.
  5. J S doesn't answer questions on SO.. he stares them down till they answer themselves.
  6. MSDN is a post-it J S wrote when he was four.
  7. Godzilla is a japanese rendition of Jon's first visit to Redmond.
  8. When J S does a search on Google.. the only result is "I'll be right back".
  9. J S returned intellisense and got his money back!
  10. The 'Jigsaw Killer' didn't die of cancer.. he died of heartbreak. JS kept leaving 'same time next week :)' post-its in his traps.
  11. Norman Bates lives a normal life today... J S fixed the unwanted callbacks and rewrote Mother.Dispose()
  12. J S took out Harry Callahan with an anonymous delegate before he could say 'do you punk?'
  13. When J S presses F5, the Garbage collector collects itself.. there is no other garbage.
  14. Contrary to popular belief, there is enough J S to go around.. and then some.
9
  • nochucknorris.com
    – StingyJack
    Nov 21, 2008 at 17:18
  • @StingyJack: That is hilarious. :) Nov 21, 2008 at 17:21
  • 5
    #2 is great, it reminds me this google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html
    – Alex. S.
    Nov 22, 2008 at 4:45
  • 15
    @Bill.. Try search Google for 'find chuck norris' and click 'I'm feeling lucky'.
    – Gishu
    Nov 22, 2008 at 17:41
  • @StingyJack: Someone at Google has a great sense of humor. Nov 22, 2008 at 21:41
  • 3
    I love the "Garbage collecter" one :)
    – presario
    May 7, 2009 at 10:10
  • 9 and 14 are awsome
    – Yassir
    May 11, 2009 at 23:15
  • @Presario I didn't know about that one.
    – Mark C
    Nov 8, 2010 at 15:28
  • You had me at #6. Feb 9, 2011 at 19:39
184
votes

Jon Skeet can believe it's not butter.

6
  • I love this classic.
    – Robert S.
    Nov 21, 2008 at 15:15
  • 1
    This one is so beautiful in its simplicity. I wish I had more votes to give. :) Nov 21, 2008 at 21:02
  • Awesome! This is a beauty.
    – Nick
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:22
  • Best one so far!
    – Erik Öjebo
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:37
  • 14
    No fair stealing Chuck Norris facts.
    – JohnFx
    Nov 25, 2008 at 21:37
  • I marked this as community by accident, so don't worry, the theft isn't going into my reputation.
    – John the Statistician
    Nov 25, 2008 at 22:18
177
votes
  • Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else, and in less time
  • Jon Skeet can code in Perl and make it look like Java
  • Jon Skeet can stop an infinite loop just by thinking about it
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses
  • Jon Skeet once wrote an entire operating system in his sleep on a Treo with no battery, powered only by the force of his will
10
  • Jon Skeet throwing exceptions farther than anyone else is funny too! :D
    – Alex. S.
    Nov 22, 2008 at 4:50
  • 8
    I like the Perl/Java syntax comparision +1
    – user146787
    Oct 29, 2009 at 11:22
  • 5
    John Skeet can write an algorithm to compute an infinite loop in under 10 minutes
    – Jonno_FTW
    Nov 17, 2009 at 11:08
  • 5
    "Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses" -- Jon Skeet's software doesn't have bugs.
    – musicfreak
    Nov 23, 2009 at 21:49
  • 1
    @[musicfreak]: that's for when jon is debugging other people's code Nov 24, 2009 at 13:25
  • I don't get the perl /Java one. I don't even know that much perl and I'm pretty sure I can make perl look like Java by using blocks and defining public and private functions...
    – wm_eddie
    Dec 17, 2009 at 23:59
  • lol at the perl joke! :) I would +1 you, but no rep :( Aug 13, 2010 at 20:24
  • "Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just glances at the code and the bug confesses. Sep 10, 2010 at 20:24
  • +1 "Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else" -- awesome kinetics Jul 29, 2011 at 0:07
  • farther, not further Jan 19, 2012 at 22:02
151
votes

Some Chuck Norris quotes translated in Jon Skeetish lingo:

  • If you have 10000 reputation points and Jon Skeet has 10000 reputation points, Jon Skeet has more reputation than you.

  • There is no 'CTRL' button on Jon Skeet's computer. Jon Skeet is always in control.

  • The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

From the comments of the accepted answer:

  • Jon Skeet has a guru badge for a question about... Jon Skeet (Marc Gravell)
    (this is true: his answer on this post has been accepted and upvoted more than 40 times)
    That makes Jon Skeet the leading authority on... Jon Skeet (Bill the Lizard).

From the blog post "Stack Overflow Is You"

  • Jon Skeet says: "Stack Overflow is You ? I knew that already"
    [ok, the full quote is actually:

“Stack Overflow is you.” I knew that already :) What, you’re saying it’s other people too? Hmm… ;) ]

And some original ones:

  • Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs.

  • Jon Skeet codes only with final sealed methods. No one has ever needed to override any of Jon Skeet's code.

  • Jon Skeet LINQs all things

  • Jon Skeet does not "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Ever.

  • Jon Skeet is a BSOD in himself: Best Stack Overflow Definition.

  • Jon Skeet only solves NP-awesome problems.

  • Jon Skeet is IntelliSense:

    • to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type: 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE. The answer is displayed immediately.
    • works for question too: "I would like to know..." 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE: the question you actually wanted to ask writes itself.

And of course:

6
  • 9
    The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake - great.. :)
    – AvidProgrammer
    Mar 4, 2009 at 5:49
  • +1 for NP-awesome. :)
    – j_random_hacker
    May 27, 2009 at 16:55
  • +1 for awesome and for that BSOD one - ROFLMAO! Sep 16, 2009 at 23:55
  • +1: All your reputations are belong to Jon Skeet!
    – jrista
    Jul 7, 2010 at 23:30
  • +1. I liked this : Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs. Jun 19, 2011 at 15:51
  • +1 The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. !!
    – MalsR
    Feb 10, 2012 at 14:06
145
votes

Jon Skeet has performed the following feats on Stack Overflow (yes, in real life):

  • Jon Skeet won the “Hello World” in less than 20 bytes" contest by developing a single byte program. He could have easily done with zero bytes, "but that would have been silly."

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/284797/hello-world-in-less-than-20-bytes#284898 (10k+) post has been deleted.

enter image description here

  • Jon Skeet does not resolve software problems. The problems resolve themselves the moment he walks into the office.

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/140376/what-easter-eggs-have-you-placed-in-code#140507

  • Jon Skeet can answer a question well before it is asked and then get several up-votes whilst he has yet to finish typing the solution.

What's a good algorithm to determine if an input is a perfect square? (see comments)

4
  • Nice found! Haven't read those 2 posts from Jon. Nov 21, 2008 at 17:00
  • 17
    upvote because not only can these hang with any of the others posted, they really are true! Nov 21, 2008 at 22:18
  • 12
    +100 for actual evidence of skeetness
    – Orion Edwards
    Nov 24, 2008 at 19:44
  • If you search wikipedia for Jon Skeet, it asks "Did you mean: jonny sweet"... yeah, I guess he is, now that I think about it.
    – user152261
    Oct 8, 2011 at 5:22
112
votes

The Jon Skeet badge is awarded for posting a better answer than Jon Skeet. Only Jon Skeet can earn this badge.

6
  • Reminds me to some trading card game text :)
    – VVS
    Dec 5, 2008 at 19:47
  • 10
    not true: stackoverflow.com/questions/872927/872976#872976
    – Nathan Feger
    May 21, 2009 at 5:06
  • 3
    Haha that's a great find!
    – Robert S.
    May 21, 2009 at 14:02
  • Can Jon Skeet create a boulder than he himself could not lift? I wonder... Jun 17, 2009 at 1:42
  • I've once written an answer a few seconds faster than Jon Skeet, look where that got me :) stackoverflow.com/questions/5170822/…
    – TDaver
    Jun 7, 2011 at 11:52
  • @Nathan Feger It should be noted that the OP who accepted the other answer no longer exists...
    – egerardus
    Jan 12, 2012 at 0:20
101
votes

God said: 'Let there be light,' only so he could see what Jon Skeet was up to.

98
votes

Superman wears Skeet pajamas to bed!

1
  • 5
    Coffee blasted through my mouth on this one ... thanks ;) Dec 11, 2008 at 23:19
94
votes
  • Jon Skeet's keyboard doesn't have F1 key, the computer asks for help from him.
  • When Jon Skeet presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computers restart is initiated. The same goes for format.
  • Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CDs.
  • Jon Skeet is not close to perfection, perfection is close to Jon Skeet.
  • God didn't really create the world in six days, because Jon Skeet optimized it to one.
  • Jon Skeet's brain thinks binary.
  • Jon Skeet dreams in ones and zeros. When two shows up, it is a nightmare. But again that's only in theory. Two doesn't exist for Jon.
  • Jon Skeet's heart rate is 5 GHz.
  • Thanks to the XML application AIDSTest 1.1 written by Jon Skeet, mobile phone users can now test them selfs for the HIV virus by a simple SMS. Anonymity Guaranteed!
  • Seventh normal form (7NF) for database normalization IS Jon Skeet.
  • Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag.
  • When Jon Skeet solves an equation the variables becomes constants.
  • If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come.
  • Once Jon Skeet went to the library... Since then the library was dynamically linked.
  • Jon Skeet has the key to Open Source. He just doesn't want to close it.
  • Compatibility doesn't exist in Jon Skeet's dictionary. He can easily work in Microsoft Office in Linux on a Mac.
  • When Jon Skeet is programming the Garbage Collector rests. The objects know when to destroy themselves.
  • Jon Skeet's styling is connected to a CSS file.
  • If the Internet is the web then Jon Skeet is the spider.
  • "Bad command or file name" - angrily said Jon Skeet, and continued: "Go stand in the corner". Poor "file or command name".
  • When Jon Skeet is on a diet and doesn't eat fast food, all hard disks change from FAT to NTFS.
  • Jon Skeet has written the best programming language. Its source has just one command... void JonSkeet();
  • Jon Skeet doesn't use #include. He thinks of it as cheating.
12
  • 1
    Jon Skeet does not tolerate his name being misspelled. (And I feel his pain.) Jan 22, 2009 at 21:38
  • 13
    Damn!!! That's why my connection was slow all day...
    – bojan
    Jan 23, 2009 at 9:16
  • LOL and +1 for "perfection is close to Jon Skeet" :-)
    – Jon Schneider
    May 4, 2009 at 18:40
  • 2
    Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CD's. i can do that !!
    – Yassir
    May 11, 2009 at 23:30
  • 3
    Upvoted for "Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag". :D
    – melfar
    May 17, 2009 at 23:19
  • </JonSkeet> ... wow it's empty here.
    – sjmulder
    Jun 14, 2009 at 22:59
  • The "Bad command or file name" one is superb!
    – Konamiman
    Nov 19, 2009 at 12:34
  • 2
    "If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come." <-- Delete in C? Apr 27, 2010 at 5:57
  • Is When 2 shows up, it is a nightmare. a reference to this: bash.org/?60523 ? Jul 18, 2010 at 21:53
  • On the AIDSTest, there is a mobile app in development for STD tests. You piss on the phone: idle.slashdot.org/story/10/11/09/1253255/…
    – John Smith
    Nov 14, 2010 at 1:08
  • the normalization is great
    – dynamic
    Jun 3, 2011 at 15:21
  • 2
    The last one is pure gold.
    – Maxpm
    Jun 29, 2011 at 6:33
80
votes

Jon Skeet once hacked the FBI using an etch-a-sketch

77
votes

In a page margin of Jon Skeet's copy of the book on the Riemann hypothesis is the note:

"I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain."

4
  • 1
    lol I only wish I could vote up more than once.
    – Daniel Spiewak
    Nov 21, 2008 at 18:03
  • 11
    It would be much better if it was the P = NP problem instead.
    – blizpasta
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:32
  • @blizpasta Lookup the Riemann Hypothesis on Wikipedia. Like P = NP, its proof is among the millennium problems.
    – Daniel Spiewak
    Nov 23, 2008 at 2:07
  • I believe this was Fermat, with regard to his "last theorem": en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fermat's_Last_Theorem
    – Mike Scott
    May 24, 2009 at 16:48
68
votes
  • When a null reference exception goes to sleep, it checks under the bed for Jon Skeet.
  • There is no CTRL button on Jon Skeets keyboard. Jon Skeet is always in control.
  • Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They wait.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need delegates, he does all the work himself.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't call a background worker, background workers call Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  • Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1).
  • When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it.
7
  • Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They wait.....in fear
    – Herms
    Nov 21, 2008 at 17:00
  • 4
    +1 for the "Jon Skeet can solve the traveling salesman in O(1)" :-)
    – Sandman
    Nov 26, 2008 at 22:55
  • 2
    "Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1). " is Unbelievable!! :)
    – Lawand
    Mar 23, 2009 at 4:20
  • Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1), because HE is the travelling salesman :)
    – BennyTjia
    Aug 10, 2011 at 5:47
  • +1 When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it.
    – Oybek
    Nov 9, 2011 at 14:59
  • Jon Skeet can write a JavaScript that checks weather the browser has enabled the JavaScript and turns it on if its not.
    – Oybek
    Feb 8, 2012 at 15:18
  • Jon never checks for permissions when codes, because the code he has written has all available permissions
    – Oybek
    Feb 8, 2012 at 15:19
68
votes

.NET uses Just-In-Time compilation because every instruction must first be approved by Jon Skeet

1
  • 2
    .NET Jon Skeet Special Edition, installed on Jon Skeet's computer, has an improved implementation of JIT compilation, called 'Just-In-Case' compilation, which employs system-level keyboard and mouse activity detection.
    – Andriy M
    Feb 11, 2011 at 8:28
66
votes
  1. There simply is no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of Jon Skeet, because computers are rightfully afraid to halt in his presence.

  2. Jon Skeet has proven the Continuum Hypothesis, but has agreed not to share his discovery with the world until leading mathematicians recover from the shock.

  3. Jon Skeet is beyond Turing-complete; he is Turing-invincible.

  4. nVidia plans to triple the processing power of their newest videocards by bypassing their GPU pipelines entirely and offloading the vector operations to Jon Skeet over instant messenger. And those graphics benchmarks will improve further still during those intervals when Jon is actually awake.

5
  • 54
    Tempted to downvote for the outrageous suggestion that I sometimes sleep. That's been disproven many times.
    – Jon Skeet
    Nov 23, 2008 at 23:05
  • 1
    Actually laughed out loud. And you know I'm serious because I spelled out the phrase entirely.
    – mseery
    Nov 25, 2008 at 6:03
  • 1
    Haha, mad respect for that comment Jon! I wish I could vote it up =)
    – macke
    Apr 10, 2009 at 6:52
  • 3
    Shouldn't this be: 1. There is simply no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of John Skeet, because computers ALWAYS halt in his presence.
    – Arafangion
    May 7, 2009 at 3:53
  • LIES! meta.stackexchange.com/questions/555/…
    – Pops
    Jun 8, 2010 at 20:05
66
votes

Skeet is now a verb. To be skeeted: The act of attempting to answer a Stack Overflow question only to find out that Jon Skeet has already answered it definitively and much better than you could have done.

6
  • 7
    "Damn it! I was skeeted out by seconds"
    – Federico Ramponi
    Nov 26, 2008 at 5:35
  • How 'bout Skeet-rolled? Dec 10, 2008 at 22:56
  • 1
    Or would that be getting tricked into following a link to that vampire picture with the slippers? Dec 10, 2008 at 22:56
  • 2
    All skeet skeet.
    – Zombies
    Jan 27, 2009 at 20:36
  • 7
    That could lead to: "Skeet skeet Skeet skeet skeet Skeet" (along the lines of en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo).
    – AviD
    Mar 2, 2009 at 11:33
  • Best one in here. Aug 12, 2011 at 20:47
59
votes
  • Jon Skeet doesn't look for reputation. Reputation looks for Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet can do pair programming with himself
54
votes

Jon Skeet once fixed a production problem in his pajamas. How it got in his pajamas, I will never know.

1
  • 5
    +1 for Marx Brothers reference :D
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Jun 27, 2009 at 16:33
53
votes
  • Jon Skeet's first "Hello World" app took up 10 bytes of memory (think about it!)
  • When Jon installed Visual Studio he opted not to install the debugger
  • When Jon saves a file the file thanks him
  • Bill wanted Jon but had to make do with Jerry
  • When Yoda needs advice he calls Jon Skeet
7
  • 16
    It was actually 1 byte. See: stackoverflow.com/questions/284797/…
    – MusiGenesis
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:16
  • But yours is funnier. :)
    – MusiGenesis
    Nov 21, 2008 at 21:16
  • Hot Damn - he's right!
    – Fry
    Nov 24, 2008 at 5:06
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need Visual Studio. He writes in Assembler when he feels too lazy to write zeros and ones.
    – Eduardo León
    Dec 23, 2008 at 23:13
  • 1
    "When Jon saves a file the file thanks him" +1
    – Jader Dias
    Jun 11, 2009 at 3:09
  • Holy crap @MusiG :o Aug 12, 2011 at 20:50
  • When Yoda needs advice he calls Skeet Jon Aug 26, 2011 at 16:07
51
votes

I like Turtles!

Jon Skeet survives off the blood of the living, and has incredible taste in slippers.

Seriously.

5
  • lol, i bet he'd rather this one went away ;) Nov 22, 2008 at 1:52
  • 8
    Those pics have been up for ages for anyone to look at. I suspect everyone else would rather it went away, mind you...
    – Jon Skeet
    Nov 22, 2008 at 7:22
  • 1
    I don't know what's scariest, the pallor, the bunny slippers, or that shirt. :) Nov 24, 2008 at 0:46
  • Check out the alt text.
    – FlySwat
    Nov 25, 2008 at 0:32
  • Awesome combination indeed :)
    – Thorarin
    Oct 21, 2009 at 13:32
48
votes

Only Jon Skeet earned the coveted "Jon Skeet" badge:

Jon Skeet badge http://uvshock.co.uk/badges/badge.php?label=I%20am%20Jon%20Skeet&medal=gold

1
44
votes

When Jon Skeet codes a far JMP, the assembler asks, "How high?"

2
  • 1
    and J S replies.. the more relevant question is "How Long?"
    – Gishu
    Nov 24, 2008 at 5:51
  • 3
    How far? .
    – RodeoClown
    May 7, 2009 at 1:57
1
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