I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.
EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.
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354Who the hell is Jon Skeet? – thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
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40@thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. – Kredns Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
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wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-) – none May 20 '09 at 13:28
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2Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) – VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
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1@VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) – Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
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digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts – Thilo Jun 30 '09 at 10:55
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8Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? – Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
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I so $%&E#^&#^#%$^$#^% hate you Jon.. I feel like an ant! I need my existence. – DragonBorn Sep 16 '09 at 7:33
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3Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? – Brian Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
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2"I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... – Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
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Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone. – plafayette Feb 14 '10 at 0:55
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Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it. – Gnoupi Jul 28 '10 at 8:12
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These are written in the third person so as not to disrupt the style of the thing. But hey, as we all know, Jon Skeet can make 1 == 3 anyway, so it makes no difference.
- Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe.
- Jon Skeet's addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
- Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
- Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
- Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
- Jon Skeet is the only person who has ranked higher than Jon Skeet in the SO all-time rep league.
- Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.
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30That anon types one is a gem. – StingyJack Nov 21 '08 at 21:59
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People who 'boo' Jon Skeet are never heard from again - this is your only warning... – JeremyDWill Nov 21 '08 at 22:20
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30Well played, sir. I'm glad you joined in the fun, instead of being embarrassed or offended by this question. It says a lot that you took it in the same spirit it was intended. :) – Bill the Lizard Nov 21 '08 at 23:18
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263Jon Skeet does not refer to himself in the third person. Jon Skeet is always the first person, regardless of who is speaking about him. – Dan Dyer Nov 22 '08 at 0:22
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2>> Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to >> change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe. You weren't reading my book carefuly ;-) we'll just create new clone with some properties changed. – Tomas Petricek Nov 22 '08 at 1:42
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3@Jon: wouldn't you prefer your first gold badge to be for your canonical post on for loops instead of a bunch of Chuck Norris jokes? :) It's OK - Al Pacino didn't really get his Oscar for Scent of a Woman, either. – MusiGenesis Nov 26 '08 at 18:26
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2Sharing knowledge and helping others is one of the major reasons for personal satisfaction, and what really pushes this satisfaction to the edge, is people's appreciation and thankfulness. Jon you earned that, you really deserve to be happy about yourself. :) – Galilyou Mar 11 '09 at 10:12
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1I have read this post more than all the novels I have read combined! – DragonBorn Sep 16 '09 at 8:42
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3Even though JonSkeet is immutable and therefore is a value, isn't there SOME way I can reference him? Surely he isn't static or sealed or volatile or....or....unmanaged! – jro Oct 1 '09 at 16:33
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1@Lord Torgamus: If you like nice round numbers, my sleep pattern has nearly reached one too ;) meta.stackexchange.com/questions/555/… – Jon Skeet Nov 24 '09 at 14:51
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3As of today Jon Skeet is officially immutable. He's the first to receive the bronze immutable badge. – Ates Goral Mar 25 '11 at 6:17
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1Shouldn't that answer end with: "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends." – LarsTech Jun 10 '11 at 23:00
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- Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
- Jon Skeet's SO reputation is only as modest as it is because of integer overflow (SQL Server does not have a datatype large enough)
- Jon Skeet is the only top 100 SO user who is human. The others are bots that he coded to pass the time between questions.
- Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge.
- Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
- When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
- Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
- When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"
- There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.
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77I love the MS Paint one. – Bryan Anderson Nov 21 '08 at 15:00
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1Dan your quote so great hahaha the best of the whole thread – Patrick Desjardins Nov 21 '08 at 17:56
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37LOL :) "Compiler apologises if Jon's code fails to compile". – Pradeep Nov 21 '08 at 17:57
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82There's a delicious irony to the fact that this answer has more upvotes than my most "popular" answer :) – Jon Skeet Nov 21 '08 at 18:40
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29@Bill, no problem :) If Jon Skeet answers a question and gets fewer votes than you, the Internet is broken. – Dan Dyer Nov 22 '08 at 0:19
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10"When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises." hahah, that's the best one I've read on this page. – Rich Adams Jan 5 '09 at 17:58
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23"When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" " - I actually checked, just in case somebody from Google picked up on it. ;-) – John MacIntyre Jan 7 '09 at 3:18
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13"Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge." Does that mean he knows Piet? dangermouse.net/esoteric/piet.html – mmyers Apr 13 '09 at 20:33
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24"Jon Skeet can divide by zero." may be the best line ever written on stackoverflow. – pomarc May 4 '09 at 9:31
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6When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" - SO should do this :-) – Graphain Sep 9 '09 at 2:15
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5"When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?" " - I was so disappointed when Google didn't... =( – David Thomas Mar 1 '10 at 2:05
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12+ I can't stop laughing even when I read it in the office
When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.– IsmailS Aug 5 '10 at 11:06
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Jon Skeet has already written a book about C# 5.0.
It’s currently sealed up.
In three years, Anders Hejlsberg is going to open the book to see if the language design team got it right.
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...hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since noon today. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnac_the_Magnificent – Bill the Lizard Nov 21 '08 at 20:52
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ROFL, this is brutal. – lubos hasko Nov 24 '08 at 3:28
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this one is so great!!! – presario May 7 '09 at 10:07
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this is the best !! – Yassir May 11 '09 at 23:10
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2@Rocket - I've heard that the language design team was spot-on except for minor contextual keyword choice differences in the async feature. They are not going to reveal the correct keywords, for fear it would create dissatisfaction among C# programmers with the language as it is actually being implemented. Thus we will never know what awesomeness C#5 could have been. – Jeffrey L Whitledge Dec 15 '11 at 23:20
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Jon Skeet can recite π. Backwards.
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12That's actually a really good one. – Andrew Rollings Dec 13 '08 at 19:20
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really hilarious – Thomas Danecker Jan 19 '09 at 1:18
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I think this is the second-best of all (after "Jon Skeet can divide by zero"). – MusiGenesis Feb 4 '09 at 21:23
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16and, by the way, I think he`s one who can get reputation up by answering questions about himself:) – chester89 Mar 10 '09 at 18:30
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I wonder why Jon hasn't commented on this one... Brilliant! – presario May 7 '09 at 10:08
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43That pi symbol doesn't look like a pi symbol. It looks like Stonehenge. – Nosredna May 31 '09 at 14:56
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1
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I had a: hmm, heh.... <quarter drops> ... oooooooh! – NomeN Jul 15 '09 at 11:27
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58@Nosredna, that's appropriate, since Jon Skeet built Stonehenge. – Gabriel Hurley Jul 25 '09 at 7:37
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Jon Skeet once answered one of my questions 42 seconds before I asked it. It is my belief that he employed a super computer and Infinite Improbability Drive technology to achieve this result.
When Jon Skeet points to
null,nullquakes in fear.Donald Knuth wears a "Jon Skeet is my Homeboy" t-shirt to show off at parties.
Jon Skeet is the traveling salesman. Only he knows the shortest route.
Jon Skeet can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.
Jon Skeet took the red pill and the blue pill, and can phase-shift in and out of the Matrix at will.
Jon Skeet has root access to your system.
The Dining Philosophers wait while Jon Skeet eats.
Jon Skeet knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, both African and European.
Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.
Jon Skeet saved the Princess.
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62"When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear." ROFLMAO! Now there's Mountain Dew on my monitor, thanks a lot! – Steven A. Lowe Nov 21 '08 at 16:29
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I do love the "null quakes in fear joke" that's awesome! – Fry Nov 21 '08 at 23:49
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11that one about Prof. Knuth using a t-shirt whit Jon's name is really funny! – Alex. S. Nov 22 '08 at 4:43
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2The first one is definitely true, every time I try to answer something at night the "new answers" prompt appears and its always Jon answering. – cfeduke Nov 24 '08 at 22:59
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haaaaaaaaaaaaa this was hilarious – Sara Chipps Nov 26 '08 at 16:33
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lmfao @ null quakes in fear – Eduardo León Dec 23 '08 at 23:17
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5I thought this was Chuck Norris style not reality @Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges. – CrashCodes Jan 15 '09 at 21:53
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1I motion to re-accept the answer to this question +1 (best comp sci references) – Toran Billups Feb 8 '09 at 15:33
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The null is good. Kinda want a "Jon's code throws Code Pointer Exceptions at nulls" or something, but I can't get it quite right... – Bill K Mar 29 '09 at 4:37
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26The dining philosophers!! Classic! – sjobe Jun 26 '09 at 14:36
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1Seriously, best answer yet... :) – Aviad Ben Dov Aug 20 '09 at 19:01
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5"Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges" -- sadly, he has well over 10x more – Dinah Apr 30 '10 at 19:55
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Q: Can Jon Skeet ask a question that even Jon Skeet can't answer?
A: Yes. And he can answer it, too.
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18LOL, this one's in my top 3. – j_random_hacker May 27 '09 at 16:52
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If Jon Skeet posts a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question will be closed as a duplicate.
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- when Jon gives a method an argument, the method loses
- when Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed
- when invoking one of Jon's callbacks, the runtime adds "please"
- drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code
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7#3: So the runtime translates Jon's code into INTERCAL – Gorpik Feb 6 '09 at 9:29
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I'm with Adam Davis. Happy 100th +1! – j_random_hacker May 27 '09 at 16:54
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JONBERT appears courtesy of:
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4I recognize Greg Hewgill in the last panel, and I'm probably the only one who spotted my own logo. :) So, who is that speaking in the last panel, and who is the PHB supposed to be? (This is hilarious, BTW.) – Bill the Lizard Nov 29 '08 at 3:05
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7PHB = Pointy-Haired Boss (or Pointy-Haired Banana from Peanut Butter Jelly Time). The speaker is Joel Spolsky-as-Wally. – MusiGenesis Nov 29 '08 at 3:10
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You're probably the only person who has even seen this. The crowd at Jon Skeet Facts? has kind of thinned out. – MusiGenesis Nov 29 '08 at 3:11
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Yeah, but it's a week old. There are real questions to answer. :) – Bill the Lizard Nov 29 '08 at 14:40
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12I assume I'm not the only one to equate PHB's pointy hair to Coding Horror's site logo? – Yuvi Dec 7 '08 at 8:38
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You're the first to notice so far. :) No one has spotted the Charles Manson reference yet. – MusiGenesis Dec 7 '08 at 13:20
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No, it's the weird little symbol next to the logo on Coding Horror. The JPEG is crappy so it doesn't show up very well. – MusiGenesis Dec 9 '08 at 5:47
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You got it. Enjoy your badge. :) – MusiGenesis Dec 9 '08 at 22:21
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Giga. We all know managers have big egos. :) – MusiGenesis Dec 10 '08 at 23:09
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha – Carson Myers May 22 '09 at 20:53
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- Jon Skeet does not sleep.. He waits.
- Google is Jon Skeet behind a proxy.
- Jon Skeet does not recognize anonymous types in .net .. he knows everyone of them and where they live.
- Jeff Atwood bought a monster GPU just to calculate J S's rep on SO... CPUs don't cut it anymore.
- J S doesn't answer questions on SO.. he stares them down till they answer themselves.
- MSDN is a post-it J S wrote when he was four.
- Godzilla is a japanese rendition of Jon's first visit to Redmond.
- When J S does a search on Google.. the only result is "I'll be right back".
- J S returned intellisense and got his money back!
- The 'Jigsaw Killer' didn't die of cancer.. he died of heartbreak. JS kept leaving 'same time next week :)' post-its in his traps.
- Norman Bates lives a normal life today... J S fixed the unwanted callbacks and rewrote Mother.Dispose()
- J S took out Harry Callahan with an anonymous delegate before he could say 'do you punk?'
- When J S presses F5, the Garbage collector collects itself.. there is no other garbage.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is enough J S to go around.. and then some.
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15@Bill.. Try search Google for 'find chuck norris' and click 'I'm feeling lucky'. – Gishu Nov 22 '08 at 17:41
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3I love the "Garbage collecter" one :) – presario May 7 '09 at 10:10
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9 and 14 are awsome – Yassir May 11 '09 at 23:15
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Jon Skeet can believe it's not butter.
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1This one is so beautiful in its simplicity. I wish I had more votes to give. :) – Bill the Lizard Nov 21 '08 at 21:02
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Awesome! This is a beauty. – Nick Nov 21 '08 at 21:22
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Best one so far! – Erik Öjebo Nov 21 '08 at 21:37
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14No fair stealing Chuck Norris facts. – JohnFx Nov 25 '08 at 21:37
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I marked this as community by accident, so don't worry, the theft isn't going into my reputation. – John the Statistician Nov 25 '08 at 22:18
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- Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else, and in less time
- Jon Skeet can code in Perl and make it look like Java
- Jon Skeet can stop an infinite loop just by thinking about it
- Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses
- Jon Skeet once wrote an entire operating system in his sleep on a Treo with no battery, powered only by the force of his will
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Jon Skeet throwing exceptions farther than anyone else is funny too! :D – Alex. S. Nov 22 '08 at 4:50
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5John Skeet can write an algorithm to compute an infinite loop in under 10 minutes – Jonno_FTW Nov 17 '09 at 11:08
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5"Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses" -- Jon Skeet's software doesn't have bugs. – musicfreak Nov 23 '09 at 21:49
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1@[musicfreak]: that's for when jon is debugging other people's code – Steven A. Lowe Nov 24 '09 at 13:25
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I don't get the perl /Java one. I don't even know that much perl and I'm pretty sure I can make perl look like Java by using blocks and defining public and private functions... – wm_eddie Dec 17 '09 at 23:59
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"Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just glances at the code and the bug confesses. – Sean Vieira Sep 10 '10 at 20:24
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+1 "Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else" -- awesome kinetics – Majid Fouladpour Jul 29 '11 at 0:07
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Some Chuck Norris quotes translated in Jon Skeetish lingo:
If you have 10000 reputation points and Jon Skeet has 10000 reputation points, Jon Skeet has more reputation than you.
There is no 'CTRL' button on Jon Skeet's computer. Jon Skeet is always in control.
The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
From the comments of the accepted answer:
- Jon Skeet has a guru badge for a question about... Jon Skeet (Marc Gravell)
(this is true: his answer on this post has been accepted and upvoted more than 40 times)
That makes Jon Skeet the leading authority on... Jon Skeet (Bill the Lizard).
From the blog post "Stack Overflow Is You"
- Jon Skeet says: "Stack Overflow is You ? I knew that already"
[ok, the full quote is actually:“Stack Overflow is you.” I knew that already :) What, you’re saying it’s other people too? Hmm… ;) ]
And some original ones:
Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs.
Jon Skeet codes only with final sealed methods. No one has ever needed to override any of Jon Skeet's code.
Jon Skeet LINQs all things
Jon Skeet does not "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Ever.
Jon Skeet is a BSOD in himself: Best Stack Overflow Definition.
Jon Skeet only solves NP-awesome problems.
Jon Skeet is IntelliSense:
- to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type:
'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE. The answer is displayed immediately. - works for question too: "I would like to know..."
'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE: the question you actually wanted to ask writes itself.
- to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type:
And of course:
- All your reputations are belong to Jon Skeet. (AYR after AYB)
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9The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake - great.. :) – AvidProgrammer Mar 4 '09 at 5:49
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+1 for NP-awesome. :) – j_random_hacker May 27 '09 at 16:55
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+1. I liked this : Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs. – Nawaz Jun 19 '11 at 15:51
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+1 The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. !! – MalsR Feb 10 '12 at 14:06
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Jon Skeet has performed the following feats on Stack Overflow (yes, in real life):
- Jon Skeet won the “Hello World” in less than 20 bytes" contest by developing a single byte program. He could have easily done with zero bytes, "but that would have been silly."
https://stackoverflow.com/questions/284797/hello-world-in-less-than-20-bytes#284898 (10k+) post has been deleted.
- Jon Skeet does not resolve software problems. The problems resolve themselves the moment he walks into the office.
https://stackoverflow.com/questions/140376/what-easter-eggs-have-you-placed-in-code#140507
- Jon Skeet can answer a question well before it is asked and then get several up-votes whilst he has yet to finish typing the solution.
What's a good algorithm to determine if an input is a perfect square? (see comments)
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17upvote because not only can these hang with any of the others posted, they really are true! – Joel Coehoorn Nov 21 '08 at 22:18
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12+100 for actual evidence of skeetness – Orion Edwards Nov 24 '08 at 19:44
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If you search wikipedia for Jon Skeet, it asks "Did you mean: jonny sweet"... yeah, I guess he is, now that I think about it. – barrycarter Oct 8 '11 at 5:22
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The Jon Skeet badge is awarded for posting a better answer than Jon Skeet. Only Jon Skeet can earn this badge.
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Reminds me to some trading card game text :) – VVS Dec 5 '08 at 19:47
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Can Jon Skeet create a boulder than he himself could not lift? I wonder... – Erik Forbes Jun 17 '09 at 1:42
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I've once written an answer a few seconds faster than Jon Skeet, look where that got me :) stackoverflow.com/questions/5170822/… – TDaver Jun 7 '11 at 11:52
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@Nathan Feger It should be noted that the OP who accepted the other answer no longer exists... – Geronimo Jan 12 '12 at 0:20
101
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God said: 'Let there be light,' only so he could see what Jon Skeet was up to.
98
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Superman wears Skeet pajamas to bed!
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- Jon Skeet's keyboard doesn't have
F1key, the computer asks for help from him. - When Jon Skeet presses
Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computers restart is initiated. The same goes forformat. - Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CDs.
- Jon Skeet is not close to perfection, perfection is close to Jon Skeet.
- God didn't really create the world in six days, because Jon Skeet optimized it to one.
- Jon Skeet's brain thinks binary.
- Jon Skeet dreams in ones and zeros. When two shows up, it is a nightmare. But again that's only in theory. Two doesn't exist for Jon.
- Jon Skeet's heart rate is 5 GHz.
- Thanks to the XML application
AIDSTest 1.1written by Jon Skeet, mobile phone users can now test them selfs for the HIV virus by a simple SMS. Anonymity Guaranteed! - Seventh normal form (
7NF) for database normalization IS Jon Skeet. - Nobody has EVER dared to close the
<JonSkeet>tag. - When Jon Skeet solves an equation the variables becomes constants.
- If anyone writes
delete JonSkeet;in C, the Apocalypse will come. - Once Jon Skeet went to the library... Since then the library was dynamically linked.
- Jon Skeet has the key to
Open Source. He just doesn't want to close it. - Compatibility doesn't exist in Jon Skeet's dictionary. He can easily work in Microsoft Office in Linux on a Mac.
- When Jon Skeet is programming the Garbage Collector rests. The objects know when to destroy themselves.
- Jon Skeet's styling is connected to a CSS file.
- If the Internet is the web then Jon Skeet is the spider.
- "Bad command or file name" - angrily said Jon Skeet, and continued: "Go stand in the corner". Poor "file or command name".
- When Jon Skeet is on a diet and doesn't eat fast food, all hard disks change from
FAT to NTFS. - Jon Skeet has written the best programming language. Its source has just one command...
void JonSkeet(); - Jon Skeet doesn't use
#include. He thinks of it as cheating.
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1Jon Skeet does not tolerate his name being misspelled. (And I feel his pain.) – Jon Ericson♦ Jan 22 '09 at 21:38
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13Damn!!! That's why my connection was slow all day... – bojan Jan 23 '09 at 9:16
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LOL and +1 for "perfection is close to Jon Skeet" :-) – Jon Schneider May 4 '09 at 18:40
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2Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CD's. i can do that !! – Yassir May 11 '09 at 23:30
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3Upvoted for "Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag". :D – melfar May 17 '09 at 23:19
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</JonSkeet> ... wow it's empty here. – sjmulder Jun 14 '09 at 22:59
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2"If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come." <-- Delete in C? – Billy ONeal Apr 27 '10 at 5:57
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Is
When 2 shows up, it is a nightmare.a reference to this: bash.org/?60523 ? – Time Traveling Bobby Jul 18 '10 at 21:53 -
On the AIDSTest, there is a mobile app in development for STD tests. You piss on the phone: idle.slashdot.org/story/10/11/09/1253255/… – John Smith Nov 14 '10 at 1:08
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In a page margin of Jon Skeet's copy of the book on the Riemann hypothesis is the note:
"I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain."
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1lol I only wish I could vote up more than once. – Daniel Spiewak Nov 21 '08 at 18:03
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11It would be much better if it was the P = NP problem instead. – blizpasta Nov 21 '08 at 21:32
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@blizpasta Lookup the Riemann Hypothesis on Wikipedia. Like P = NP, its proof is among the millennium problems. – Daniel Spiewak Nov 23 '08 at 2:07
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I believe this was Fermat, with regard to his "last theorem": en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fermat's_Last_Theorem – Mike Scott May 24 '09 at 16:48
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- When a null reference exception goes to sleep, it checks under the bed for Jon Skeet.
- There is no CTRL button on Jon Skeets keyboard. Jon Skeet is always in control.
- Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They wait.
- Jon Skeet doesn't need delegates, he does all the work himself.
- Jon Skeet doesn't call a background worker, background workers call Jon Skeet.
- Jon Skeet doesn't write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
- Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1).
- When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it.
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4+1 for the "Jon Skeet can solve the traveling salesman in O(1)" :-) – Sandman Nov 26 '08 at 22:55
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2"Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1). " is Unbelievable!! :) – Lawand Mar 23 '09 at 4:20
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Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1), because HE is the travelling salesman :) – BennyTjia Aug 10 '11 at 5:47
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Jon Skeet can write a JavaScript that checks weather the browser has enabled the JavaScript and turns it on if its not. – Oybek Feb 8 '12 at 15:18
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Jon never checks for permissions when codes, because the code he has written has all available permissions – Oybek Feb 8 '12 at 15:19
68
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.NET uses Just-In-Time compilation because every instruction must first be approved by Jon Skeet
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2.NET Jon Skeet Special Edition, installed on Jon Skeet's computer, has an improved implementation of JIT compilation, called 'Just-In-Case' compilation, which employs system-level keyboard and mouse activity detection. – Andriy M Feb 11 '11 at 8:28
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There simply is no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of Jon Skeet, because computers are rightfully afraid to halt in his presence.
Jon Skeet has proven the Continuum Hypothesis, but has agreed not to share his discovery with the world until leading mathematicians recover from the shock.
Jon Skeet is beyond Turing-complete; he is Turing-invincible.
nVidia plans to triple the processing power of their newest videocards by bypassing their GPU pipelines entirely and offloading the vector operations to Jon Skeet over instant messenger. And those graphics benchmarks will improve further still during those intervals when Jon is actually awake.
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54Tempted to downvote for the outrageous suggestion that I sometimes sleep. That's been disproven many times. – Jon Skeet Nov 23 '08 at 23:05
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1Actually laughed out loud. And you know I'm serious because I spelled out the phrase entirely. – mseery Nov 25 '08 at 6:03
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1Haha, mad respect for that comment Jon! I wish I could vote it up =) – macke Apr 10 '09 at 6:52
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3Shouldn't this be: 1. There is simply no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of John Skeet, because computers ALWAYS halt in his presence. – Arafangion May 7 '09 at 3:53
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66
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Skeet is now a verb. To be skeeted: The act of attempting to answer a Stack Overflow question only to find out that Jon Skeet has already answered it definitively and much better than you could have done.
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7"Damn it! I was skeeted out by seconds" – Federico Ramponi Nov 26 '08 at 5:35
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1Or would that be getting tricked into following a link to that vampire picture with the slippers? – Joel Coehoorn Dec 10 '08 at 22:56
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2All skeet skeet. – Zombies Jan 27 '09 at 20:36
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7That could lead to: "Skeet skeet Skeet skeet skeet Skeet" (along the lines of en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo). – AviD Mar 2 '09 at 11:33
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59
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- Jon Skeet doesn't look for reputation. Reputation looks for Jon Skeet.
- Jon Skeet can do pair programming with himself
54
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Jon Skeet once fixed a production problem in his pajamas. How it got in his pajamas, I will never know.
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5+1 for Marx Brothers reference :D – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen Jun 27 '09 at 16:33
53
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- Jon Skeet's first "Hello World" app took up 10 bytes of memory (think about it!)
- When Jon installed Visual Studio he opted not to install the debugger
- When Jon saves a file the file thanks him
- Bill wanted Jon but had to make do with Jerry
- When Yoda needs advice he calls Jon Skeet
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16
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But yours is funnier. :) – MusiGenesis Nov 21 '08 at 21:16
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Hot Damn - he's right! – Fry Nov 24 '08 at 5:06
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Jon Skeet doesn't need Visual Studio. He writes in Assembler when he feels too lazy to write zeros and ones. – Eduardo León Dec 23 '08 at 23:13
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51
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8Those pics have been up for ages for anyone to look at. I suspect everyone else would rather it went away, mind you... – Jon Skeet Nov 22 '08 at 7:22
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1I don't know what's scariest, the pallor, the bunny slippers, or that shirt. :) – Bill the Lizard Nov 24 '08 at 0:46
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Check out the alt text. – FlySwat Nov 25 '08 at 0:32
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48
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Only Jon Skeet earned the coveted "Jon Skeet" badge:
Jon Skeet badge http://uvshock.co.uk/badges/badge.php?label=I%20am%20Jon%20Skeet&medal=gold
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And the exception to this rule is stackoverflow.com/questions/872927/… – Arlen Beiler Jun 17 '11 at 1:59
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When Jon Skeet codes a far JMP, the assembler asks, "How high?"
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