366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

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  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-)
    – none
    May 20, 2009 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page)
    – VonC
    Jun 20, 2009 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :)
    – Bill the Lizard
    Jun 26, 2009 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts
    – Thilo
    Jun 30, 2009 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...?
    – Frank V
    Jul 1, 2009 at 22:51
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet?
    – Engineer2021
    Nov 25, 2009 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"...
    – Matt
    Nov 30, 2009 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone.
    – plafayette
    Feb 14, 2010 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it.
    – Gnoupi
    Jul 28, 2010 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

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7
votes

Jon Skeet didn't buy Code Complete. It's his life story.

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votes

The guy who dared to downvote a Jon Skeet answere lost hist right hand, the mouse ate it.

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  • lol..loooved it ;-)
    – Omnipotent
    Dec 23, 2008 at 18:52
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votes

Jon Skeet doesn't debug code, he rebugs it just to blend in.

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votes

John Skeet took the H out of his name because it was "overly verbose". He was one day old at the time.

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votes

Jon Skeet wasn't born, he was compiled.

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Jon Skeet doesn't hit refresh on Stack Overflow - the SO database tweaks his neurons directly. He just hangs an event handler on the neurons.

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Console.WriteLine("C++" + 1);

Output: "C#"

Console.WriteLine("C#" + 1);

Output: "Jon Skeet"

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votes

Jon skeet owns the zebra

+1 for circular references?

6
votes

The ultimate recursive function call (language is not important, it will work):

JonSkeet()
{
   return JonSkeet();
}
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  • 2
    not only will it work, it will return the correct answer in the correct type
    – Steven A. Lowe
    Dec 19, 2008 at 5:57
  • 2
    StackOverflow is Jon Skeet, and JonSkeet() is StackOverflow.
    – mmyers
    Feb 2, 2009 at 16:52
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votes

Jon Skeet knows more than The Shadow

Jon Skeet can change the rate of decay of radioactive isotopes

Jon Skeet invented sliced bread

All SETI@home and Folding@home packet submissions are verified by Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet is better than Cats

Santa asks Jon Skeet who has been naughty and nice

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  • All your [code]base are belong to Jon Skeet!
    – user134495
    Oct 19, 2009 at 16:45
6
votes

Jon Skeet gets reputation so fast that his reputation counter has had an overflow error

His reputation was over 22K now it’s 18.2K

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votes

Bugs check their code for Jon Skeet.

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votes

  • Jon has already invented waterproof electricity.. oh sorry.. it's electriskeety..

  • When Jon walks, actually earth revolves such that Jon seems moving ahead.

  • All the solutions to a given problems are derived from Jon and overrides static method called JonSkeet.SolveThis();

  • Anti-matter is something Jon created after realizing that Jon should matter to the matter.

  • White is actually a concentrated light emitting from Jon after all colors bow to him and get merged in each other.

6
votes

Jon Skeet has been AFK for about 10 years. That is when he finished scripting his computer to perform all the actions he would have taken over his remaining lifetime.

6
votes

Jon Skeet don't use conditional jumps. He dictates what will happen at runtime.

6
votes

Ok, the following are all translation from the Vero Programmatore's Blog (Real Programmer) http://veroprogrammatore.blogspot.com/

Sorry for the typos and the grammar horrors. btw:

  • Somebody tells JS that is it impossible to calculate the determinant of a rectangular matrix, then JS explain him that, in fact, it is possible ... only that is a not document function.

  • JS can calculate the determinant of a LCD Matrix

  • JS can escape from a serial killer simply turning off his COM ports

  • Just before going to sleep JS exclaim sleep(0x7080).

  • JS eats Silicon Wafers

  • When JS plays at Final Fantasy 7, he made Aeris revive.

  • When JS was a boy he built a house on a binary tree.

  • JS can count up to 1024 with his finger

  • JS made, for his girl, a Perl array.

  • the first word JS learnt to say was: "Hello, world!"

  • JS have a picture in his home with this sentence: "127.0.0.1 sweet 127.0.0.1"

  • JS end all his sentences with the semicolon; even when he speaks;

  • While just about everybody can clean their browser cache, only JS can clean the Google cache.

  • JS never press CTRL-Z while he develop, ever! In fact he reassign that shortcuts for launching America's Army

  • in the late 1989 JS used to call himself Joshua on usenet

  • JS can install Vista on a PC with the mininum hardware requirements requested by MS.

  • JS's PC has passed the Turing Test.

  • JS's Car have 2 keys, a public one and a private one.

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  • A nice one, amongst others, JS can install Vista on a PC with the mininum hardware requirements requested by MS. :D
    – MasterPeter
    May 11, 2009 at 22:34
  • A obvious one, that I didn't write of is that JS don't eat quiche ...
    – kentaromiura
    May 12, 2009 at 7:32
  • It's actually possible to count to 1024 on your fingers. instructables.com/id/Binary-Counting
    – Corey
    May 20, 2010 at 3:17
6
votes

In an an early attempt at V8, Google(tm) renamed 'JavaScript' to 'JonSkeet', but quickly reverted the name when it started breaking holes in the space time continuum... The svn's revision had this note:

{
  "author" : "universe",
  "bug-fix" : {
    "ID" : "84",
    "title" : "missing exception on divide by zero"
  },
  "change-summary" : "reverted name",
  "comment" : "Jon Skeet can divide by zero.",
}
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  • shamelessly ripped the actual comment "John Skeet can devide by zero."
    – Ape-inago
    Jun 14, 2009 at 7:34
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votes

Jon Skeet doesn't need a keyboard or mouse, he just induces the transistors in the CPU to flip with the power of his mind.

5
votes

Who is Jon Skeet?
What do we really know about him?
Is he a socialist?
He keeps spreading the knowledge around

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votes

Jon Skeet can sort in O(n*log(log(n))

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  • 2
    i think he can sort in O(1)
    – Onur Bıyık
    Dec 17, 2008 at 14:11
  • 1
    I think he can sort in O(0) ...
    – Pop Catalin
    Dec 30, 2008 at 15:41
  • Jon Skeet solves everything in O(logJ(n)) where logJ is the Skeet logarithm. It turns out O(logJ(n)) is infinitely faster than O(0) ;-) (from stackoverflow.com/questions/305223/jon-skeet-facts#410341 )
    – opyate
    Jan 7, 2009 at 9:42
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votes

Jon Skeet: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?

Morpheus: No, Jon. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

5
votes

God wrote the universe in Perl. Jon Skeet wrote God in SKI.

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  • Superman has a pair of Jon Skeet pyjamas.
  • Jon Skeet counted to infinity - twice
  • Jon Skeet can speak braile
  • Jon Skeet divides by zero
  • The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he made a mistake
  • Jon Skeet's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush
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  • These are directly off of the Chuck Norris site, with the possible exception of the one about braile [sic].
    – I Have the Hat
    Nov 26, 2008 at 18:54
  • 1
    Most of them we also mentioned already, and at least one was mentioned better; it should be, "Jon Skeet divides by zero twice."
    – Joel Coehoorn
    Dec 10, 2008 at 22:46
  • Fair enough, these aren't mine originally, but they are funny you must agree. Tell you what, I'll downvote myself, would that make you happier?
    – Maltrap
    Jan 28, 2009 at 1:18
5
votes

Instead of a BSOD, Windows Azure sends a Skeet-Signal into the clouds.

0
5
votes

Jon Skeet has proof-read the internet...

... and found it wanting.

5
votes

Inside Microsoft, Just-In-Time compilation is called Jon-In-Time.

5
votes

If you get too close to Jon Skeet, you lose 6000 points.

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  • jon skeet knows the sound of one hand clapping, and uses it as a metronome to calibrate atomic clocks.
  • jon skeet can kill batman and superman with a single subroutine call.
  • jon skeet needs no bug-tracking system because he has no bugs.
  • jon skeet wins all race conditions - unconditionally.
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  • As an aside, and not as a Skeet joke: I've never understood the "one hand clapping" thing. I can clap both hands independently, as can most of my family. You just have to wave them really fast and relax the joints.
    – mmyers
    Jun 17, 2009 at 20:35
  • @[mmyers]: clap your two hands together very very slowly, so that it makes almost no sound. Then repeat the motion one hand at a time and listen closely to the sound of no sound. That's the Zen of the thing. You're talking about the sound of one hand flopping! ;-)
    – Steven A. Lowe
    Jun 18, 2009 at 3:15
  • I see (well, almost).
    – mmyers
    Jul 24, 2009 at 18:40
5
votes

Here comes more...

  • Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet with Jon

  • Jon Skeet is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head

  • Jon Skeet doesn't wear a watch - He decides what time is it!!

  • Jon Skeet can slam a revolving door ;-)

  • Jon Skeet once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills and made him blink

I think I'm possessed by Jon Skate 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00100000 01101001 01110100 00101110 00101110

ah.now I'm back to normal..

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  • For the curious: "as what ever I write comes out in binary, I just can't help it.."
    – mmyers
    Jan 28, 2009 at 20:02
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  • The one who down voted Jon Skeet was never seen again
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