366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

  • 40
    @thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. – Kredns Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-) – none May 20 '09 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) – VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) – Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts – Thilo Jun 30 '09 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? – Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
  • I so $%&E#^&#^#%$^$#^% hate you Jon.. I feel like an ant! I need my existence. – DragonBorn Sep 16 '09 at 7:33
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? – Brian Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... – Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone. – plafayette Feb 14 '10 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it. – Gnoupi Jul 28 '10 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

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4
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When Jon Skeet calls ToString() method on object which is null the method returns "null"

4
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Jon Skeet does not need open source software. He just looks at the binary's filesize and decompiles it by hand.

4
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BigInteger isn't big enough to calculate Jon Skeet's reputation.

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  • The Turing test is just a practice run for the Skeet test.
  • Jon Skeet only earns his SO reputation from his community wiki answers. (in a spirit of fairness to other SO users).
  • This one time, Jon Skeet got bored. He wrote up 15 NP-impossible problems, proved they could not be resolved, and resolved them. They are all still valid NP-impossible.
  • BSOD's amuse Jon Skeet, because he can read the memory.
  • Quantum physics holds as a point of reference that the computational power required to determine the energy of every single particle in the universe, at any moment, is equal to 1 skeet.
  • Jon Skeet saw Avatar in 3D without glasses: he doesn't need them.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't waste time playing video games, he just glances at the medium they are on (cd, dvd, etc), sees the bits, and enjoys them like so.
  • In the movie Wargames, WOPR learns futility by playing several games of tic-tac-toe against itself. Any sufficiently advanced AI can learn futility by playing a single game against Jon Skeet.
  • Sliced bread is the best thing since Jon Skeet.
  • If Jon Skeet's C# code does not compile, he reports the error (and the fix) to Microsoft, and they roll out a patch.
  • Jon Skeet can, in case of need, compile code with Notepad.
  • +1 for the NP-impossible one – uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN Apr 16 '10 at 3:31
  • +1 Haha nice one about enjoying the bits right of the disc of a video game. – Paul Aug 27 '11 at 4:29
3
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When Dahl and Nygaard first thought about object-oriented languages, it was actually just as a way to talk about data storage. It only became programming after they heard Jon Skeet deliver a sermon on Methodism.

3
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Jon Skeet knows NP-Complete before he sees it,
and is only holding back the proof of P?=NP for the sake of humanity.

3
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When Jon Skeet uses the Pumping lemma...uhhhhhh...ummmm...oh never mind

  • 1
    I'll try. When Jon Skeet uses the pumping lemma, an infinite language of a given class no longer belongs to that class. It belongs to Jon Skeet. – Bill the Lizard Nov 22 '08 at 12:45
3
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All Exceptions inherit from NotJonSkeetException.

Jon Skeet uses Emacs (take that vi users).

Jon Skeet registers do not use Flip-Flops, he uses atoms.

Jon skeet rewrote the earth in 6 days, in pure binary.

Jon Skeet may never raise an exception, exceptions raises Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet has the Minority Report computer, in fact he was the one who built it.

Jon Skeet can divide per 0, twice, while juggling.

Jon Skeet once saved the planet from a computer virus he wrote himself, be grateful!

4A 6F 6E 53 6B 65 65 74 43 61 6E 52 65 61 64 54 68 69 73

  • 1
    4A 6F 6E 53 6B 65 65 74 43 61 6E 52 65 61 64 54 68 69 73 == JonSkeetCanReadThis – Hoffmann Nov 25 '08 at 3:06
  • I have removed the quote about "p*rn", because I find it really offensive. – Hosam Aly Feb 9 '09 at 13:40
  • I have rolled back Hosam Aly's edit. Porn exists, get used to it. There is nothing offensive about the word. Don't edit somebody else's words just because you don't like them. – MrZebra Feb 10 '09 at 14:06
  • @MrZebra: it exists, no one said otherwise. But this doesn't mean you could associate it to anyone! Privacy matters! – Hosam Aly Feb 10 '09 at 14:36
  • 6
    I'm rolling them back, as I find it inappropriate, and it's written about me. – Jon Skeet Feb 10 '09 at 15:03
  • Oh I didn't realize that jokes had to be pre-approved – MrZebra Feb 10 '09 at 20:38
3
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In the marvel comics universe, there is only one metal harder than Adamantium - Jonskeetium

  • This might be a little obscure to some, but I'm geek enough to get it. :) – Bill the Lizard Nov 25 '08 at 14:01
  • Maybe JS should get a pic out in his super-costume (bunny slippers n all) with Jonskeetium claws – Gishu Nov 25 '08 at 14:30
3
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  • The SO user called Jon Skeet is not actually Jon Skeet. It's just a bot he has written to pass the Turing Test.
  • Jon Skeet also defined a similar test, called the Skeet Test. It asks people who are communicating with 2 agents, one of which is a person and one of which a computer, to determine which one is the computer. If the human can convince the test subject that he is the computer, he passes. Only Jon Skeet can pass.
  • Not to nit pick, but I think you mean "actually not jon skeet" in your first point. Anyway, I lol'd. – peacedog Nov 26 '08 at 12:30
  • Thanks! Edited for correctness. – Rik Nov 26 '08 at 13:38
3
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All of Jon Skeet's code compiles immediately.

If there is any delay whatsoever, it's the binary working out if it is worthy to be in his presence.

3
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Stack Overflow is Jon Skeet - and You.

  • I would argue that Stack Overflow is Jon Skeet - and you. – Bill the Lizard Nov 25 '08 at 19:42
  • Now that you mention it... It indeed makes more sense that way, I've edited it :) – Michael Stum♦ Nov 25 '08 at 19:51
3
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It is not a coincidence that

KEEN JOTS

is an anagram of "Jon Skeet".

3
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Thanksgiving gives thanks for Jon Skeet.

3
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Despite what Steve McConnell thinks, "elongated stream," "retroactive synapse," and "value chain" are all real data types. It's just that Jon Skeet is the only one who knows how to use them.

  • Oh that's good!! lol – HBoss Jul 1 '09 at 23:11
3
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Jon Skeet is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

If you were able to travel at the speed of light inside your car and then you turned on the headlights, you would see Jon Skeet's face.

The "Big Bang" occured when Jon Skeet and God were arm-wrestling and Jon Skeet won.

Jon Skeet always gives 130% of coding effort into every program he writes. Yes, this is possible.

3
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Jon Skeet doesnt have a DEV environment he Develops entirely in production

3
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Jon Skeet is what Jon Skeet does

  • 2
    jon skeet is the answer - hallelujah! – Steven A. Lowe Dec 16 '08 at 0:13
3
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Just an attempt at inventing some...

  • Jon Skeet doesn't encounter DivisionByZeroException,
    he encounters MultiplyByInfinityException.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't use asserts! The asserts use Jon Skeet.

  • The main function in Jon Skeet's program returns Jon Skeet!

  • When there is a Stack Overflow, Jon Skeet will be probably be at the bottom pushing.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't need paging, he provides the pages himself.

  • Before a game has been written, Jon Skeet has already finished playing the last level.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't need Windows, he uses bullet-proof glass!

  • When there is a water flood, Jon Skeet uses his firewall...

  • XML does not exist for Jon Skeet, he uses generic templates to read data.

  • Jon Skeet doesn't write unit tests, nobody uses his code.

  • Standards are useless for Jon Skeet, his code extends all limits!

  • Jon Skeet doesn't use threads... He uses ropes!

  • Jon Skeet = Infinity + 1

  • Jon Skeet makes programmers idiots, and idiots programmers.

3
votes

When Jon Skeet appears on Jeopardy none of his answers are in the form of a question.

3
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Jon Skeet gets speedups of 3 on a dual-core.

When you play chess with Jon Skeet, he checkmates you in one move.

Once Jon Skeet and Anders Hejlsberg walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Jon Skeet programs are only a list of dwim() statements ... and they work. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DWIM)

3
votes

All Google search results are generated by Jon Skeet when he sleeps

Jon Skeet invented the Internet "for a laugh"

When SO goes down it's because Jon Skeet blinked

Pixar's RenderMan farms are powered by an email from Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet never needs to use the if statement, he already knows the result

Jon Skeet's first program proved that the Loop Quantum Cosmology theory is true and we live in a recycled universe with no big bang. He later said it was either that or Hello World...

3
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System.Object inherits from Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet wrote the Matrix during his coffee break.

3
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Jon Skeet really is from the future 25th Centry

Skeets arrived from the 25th Century ...used this knowledge to become Jon Skeet on StackOverflow... Skeets was apparently ...kept in storage (where he killed time surfing and creating the Internet and solving questions like only he knows =>)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeets

3
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Jon Skeet doesn't work for google, Jon Skeet is google

3
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Jon Skeet is not a data point

3
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in response to my closed question here
Your system will hang up when you press ctrl-c after highlighting over Jon Skeet

3
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The laws of physics do not apply to Jon Skeet.

Jon Skeet does not comment his code. His code is self-documenting -- And not in the way you might think.

Jon Skeet writes software using COPY CON.

When Google can't match a search term, they call Jon Skeet via a webservice and ask him.

3
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Jon Skeet spends his free day at Google answering questions on Stack Overflow, and still has ample time to work on his own projects.

  • this is quite possibly the dumbest response i have ever seen – theman_on_vista Apr 6 '09 at 14:00
  • i mean, where is the punchline? LOL – theman_on_vista Apr 6 '09 at 14:00
3
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A slashdot-like fact:

In Soviet Russia, Jon Skeet asks YOU!!!!!

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