366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

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  • 40
    @thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance.
    – Kredns
    Apr 22, 2009 at 23:28
  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-)
    – none
    May 20, 2009 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page)
    – VonC
    Jun 20, 2009 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) Jun 26, 2009 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts
    – Thilo
    Jun 30, 2009 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...?
    – Frank V
    Jul 1, 2009 at 22:51
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? Nov 25, 2009 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"...
    – Matt
    Nov 30, 2009 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone.
    – plafayette
    Feb 14, 2010 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it.
    – Gnoupi
    Jul 28, 2010 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

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votes
  • Jon Skeet keeps a daily backup of the Internet on his USB pendrive.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't know how to debug — he doesn't need to.
  • Jon Skeet can reach the Ballmer peak with distilled water.
  • Now Linux runs also on Turing machines, thanks to Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet wrote a beautiful concerto for piano and orchestra which is also an ISO C compiler, after score2binary conversion.
  • Jon Skeet's mouse has upvote, downvote and flag offensive buttons.[citation needed]
  • The Wall Street crisis was caused by a downvote to a Jon Skeet answer.
  • When Jon Skeet reaches Captain Hewgill, the world will end.
  • Only Jon Skeet knows that this sentence is true.
  • Jon Skeet is the author of The Book of Answers, programmer's edition. In a moment of frustration, yesterday I opened it at a random page. It said: "You are trying to dereference a null pointer at line 525". Damn it, it was true!
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  • score2binary... very Dirk Gently-esk
    – NomeN
    Jul 15, 2009 at 21:28
  • AHAHAHAAHAHAHAH daily internet backup
    – dynamic
    Jun 3, 2011 at 15:27
39
votes

God is real. Unless Jon Skeet declares it integer.

37
votes

Jon Skeet mentioned my name in a comment and my reputation went up.

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    And now I got a "nice answer" badge as a result.
    – Darron
    Dec 21, 2008 at 4:26
  • .................#win!
    – Matt
    Nov 30, 2009 at 15:58
35
votes

"Jon Skeet" is the Internet come alive. It's a cover name for all the world's computers forming themselves into a massive grid & amusing themselves on StackOverflow. His name is an anagram of "Net's Joke" - how obvious could it be?

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    You just blew my mind. ...yes, five months later. Jul 7, 2009 at 19:13
34
votes

Jon Skeet can reopen closed question on SO :)

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  • You got my last vote for that one. :) Nov 21, 2008 at 17:23
  • 4
    this one is now completely true... In fact, Marc Gravell can now open them with no help at all :-P Jul 1, 2009 at 17:45
31
votes

Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 1.55 seconds - that's how long it takes for him to simulate a universe from birth to heat death.

31
votes
  • When Jon Skeet scribbles something on a napkin, it's encoded in UTF-8, well-formed XML, and is an ISO standard. He does not need to request for comments.

  • The truly serious hacker should consider learning C#, not Lisp. Because Jon Skeet wrote a book on C#.

  • When Jon Skeet writes once, it does run everywhere. Regardless of the language.

  • Jon Skeet uses butterflies.

  • Jon Skeet reads your e-mail.

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    +1 for “he does not need to request for comments.” Nov 25, 2008 at 8:13
  • +1 for the butterflies :)
    – AviD
    Mar 2, 2009 at 11:36
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votes
  • Modern DNS systems ask Jon Skeet for the best route to the host.
  • Any function written by Jon Skeet can only return 42. Co-workers have yet to report any errors caused by this.
  • Windows displays the BSOD when Jon Skeet nears it.
  • Jon Skeet programs in Binary, then compiles it into human-readable code.
  • Jon Skeet once wrote a program that segfaulted. There were no survivors.
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votes
  • Jon Skeet can make IE obey his CSS rules.

  • Jon Skeet writes poems. In Assembly.

  • Jon Skeet's comments compile and run as expected.

  • All of a CPU's ALUs and FPUs can be replaced by a singe JSU (Jon Skeet Unit).

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    Jon Skeet is good, but NO ONE is good enough to make IE obey CSS rules!
    – SirDemon
    Apr 7, 2009 at 22:10
  • 1
    +1 for the IE still smiling
    – gsharp
    Feb 19, 2011 at 14:50
28
votes

When Jon Skeet calls a method, it fires, even if it doesn't exist. The C# team noticed this, and added the dynamic keyword into C# 4.0...Originally it was going to be called the jonskeet keyword.

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28
votes
Console.WriteLine(typeof(System.Object).BaseType);

Output:

JonSkeet.System
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  • 12
    Shouldn't that be JonSkeet.System?
    – Gamecat
    Feb 26, 2009 at 15:16
26
votes
  • Jon Skeet does not write code. He edits binaries by hand while they are running.
  • Jon Skeet invented C. When asked what he used to write it he replied "C++".
25
votes

Jon Skeet created the matrix using COBOL because he was bored.

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24
votes

i earned almost all of my reputation just by answering questions with "See Jon Skeet's answer"

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    Aww, Jon Skeet's comment got deleted (I guess it wasn't 15 characters). For future reference, he said "So did I. :)".
    – mmyers
    Jul 24, 2009 at 18:36
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votes
  • Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet's retarded cousin.
  • Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
  • Unary operators happilly accept multiple operands from Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet can perform a low-level format on a hard drive simply by gently breathing on it.
  • Spyware has an awkward feeling that it's being watched.
  • When Jon Skeet finishes editing a question on Stack Overflow it auto-locks.
  • Whenever Jon Skeet's hands prep themselves to type a key on a keyboard, somewhere in the world a bug fixes itself.
  • Every time Jon Skeet clicks Post Your Answer an infertile woman conceives a child.
  • Jon Skeet is the only Stack Overflow user who is allowed to vote up his own answers.
  • Jon Skeet's answers don't have a vote down arrow.
  • Jon Skeet found 256 errors in TAOCP.
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votes
  • Jon Skeet once wrote a switch-statement back in the 80s. He hasn't written one since because it's still serving all his switching needs, and yours too, had you only access to it.

  • When Jon Skeet stands up from his chair and walks over to the printer, his pyjamas creates enough static electricity to power a city. Too bad he never needs any print-outs.

  • Jon Skeet can easily and leisurely read 400 words per minute, write 40 lines of code per minute, play chess in his head, build a server from three C64s, juggle 7 oranges and repeatadly refresh his browser window, all at the same time, in perfect time slices of 10ms per task. (And yes, the oranges freeze in mid-air when Jon Skeet switches context, although it happends so fast, it looks perfectly smooth.)

  • Jon Skeet has 2 keyboards so that he can type at full speed on one while the other is cooling down.

  • Jon Skeet's desktop background is a picture of his desktop background. You wouldn't understand it even if you saw it.

  • Do you know why there's a shadow under your mouse cursor? Jon Skeet has hidden a small camera under it, so that he can see what you're clicking on.

22
votes

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jon Skeet is going to find out why...

22
votes

Geico saved 0xf percent by switching to Jon Skeet.

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votes

Jon Skeet is the violent psychopath that knows where you live

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votes

When Jon Skeet programs in Forth, it automatically becomes First.

21
votes

Jon Skeet can ROLLBACK after a successful COMMIT.

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votes
  • When you find a bug in Jon Skeet's code, you are wrong: it is a feature
  • There's no need to set the optimization flags when compiling Jon Skeet's code: it cannot be optimized further
  • For any problem, Jon Skeet's algorithm run faster than the theoretical lower bound
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votes
  • Jon Skeet already discovered the Higgs boson using a 6th grade chemistry set and a laser pointer.
  • Jon Skeet renamed the Higgs boson to "Jon Skeet" so CERN wouldn't find it.
  • Jon Skeet is developing a new game "Coding Hero" for us to play so we can pretend to be as cool as he is.
  • Jon Skeet has already defeated the Lich King, solo.
  • Jon Skeet's hard disk self-defragments, not by schedule but by fear.
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    +1 for the "Coding Hero" game. I would really like to see such game!
    – Konamiman
    Nov 19, 2009 at 12:43
  • haha - coding hero!
    – Matt
    Nov 30, 2009 at 15:57
20
votes

Jon Skeet doesn't use compiler... he types executable files in notepad.

19
votes

Jon Skeet's wisdom is so profound that when he answers a question about C#, the world's accumulated knowledge about everything else increases by 50%.

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  • Um, ...wouldn't that imply, by logic, that what Jon just said was dumb, and that he had unenlightened the rest of us on C# by half, making everything else in comparison become increasingly knowledgeable?
    – Pat
    Nov 25, 2008 at 6:51
  • No. The amount of knowledge is not subject to a conservation law (it can absolutely increase). His C# answers are so good they permeate other subjects, thus increasing the total knowledge amount.
    – Vinko Vrsalovic StaffMod
    Nov 25, 2008 at 10:18
19
votes

Jon Skeet's keyboard has only two buttons: 1 and 0

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    Only one key surely, pressed (1) and released (0), and input is done at a fixed frequency (a la serial comms).
    – Skizz
    Dec 3, 2008 at 14:19
  • 3
    last heard.. he got rid of that key too.. Its amazing what JS can do with reflection and blinking. :)
    – Gishu
    Dec 3, 2008 at 16:27
  • That one key keyboard had a security problem,it was too fast,the frquency was in FM range so anyone could dump his source code.so he changed it.he currently uses the two key keyboard.
    – Behrooz
    Mar 17, 2011 at 18:34
19
votes

Q: Jon Skeet once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding contest. Who won?
A: Jon Skeet. Twice.

17
votes

Jon Skeet fixed PC Load Letter. ^

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  • i was waiting for an OS quote!
    – Jason Miesionczek
    Nov 21, 2008 at 22:20
  • +1 for Office Space reference
    – indyK1ng
    Jul 22, 2009 at 3:34
17
votes

Jon Skeet doesn't write answers in response to questions, he writes the answers then waits for the question to be asked.

17
votes

Jon Skeet can bit-shift in 3 dimensions, not just left and right, but up/down, and forward/back too!

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