366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

locked by Robert Harvey Sep 22 '11 at 0:57

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migrated from stackoverflow.com Jul 24 '09 at 18:24

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  • 354
    Who the hell is Jon Skeet? – thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
  • 40
    @thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. – Kredns Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-) – none May 20 '09 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) – VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) – Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts – Thilo Jun 30 '09 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? – Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
  • I so $%&E#^&#^#%$^$#^% hate you Jon.. I feel like an ant! I need my existence. – DragonBorn Sep 16 '09 at 7:33
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? – Brian Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... – Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone. – plafayette Feb 14 '10 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it. – Gnoupi Jul 28 '10 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

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1
vote

Top 10 Programming Languages (Iobe Programming Index)

  1. Jon Skeet
  2. Java
  3. C
  4. C++
  5. PHP
  6. (Visual) Basic
  7. Python
  8. C#
  9. Perl
  10. JavaScript
1
vote

Following on from everyone's awesome collection of facts, how about this one - ready for the Dev Day talk...

  • Jon Skeet can deliver an hour long talk, complete with slides and sample code in 1 second.
  • I'd be impressed with an hour presentation with only one slide. – user131297 Sep 16 '09 at 19:33
1
vote

Every time you pop something off the stack, Jon Skeet gets a nickle

1
vote

Jon Skeet made an application which programs and ask questions on SO itself, so he doesn't need to anymore.

1
vote
  • The Industrial revolution didn't happen by itself, Jon Skeet made it happen!
  • Little known fact: before it was called DarpaNet, it was called SkeetNet
  • Sun Microsystems is really a shell company for Skeet Inc.
  • The JVM does not stand for Java Virtual Machine, it stands for Jon's Virtual Memory!
  • The Turing test has been passed, ask Jon Skeet!
1
vote

Jon Skeet does not need stack traces. He sniffs the call path.

1
vote

People sometimes cite Jon Skeet's use of computer-generated circles as evidence of his imperfection. This is of course a silly mistake stemming from Jon's ability to draw a perfect circle freehand (video link, >1 min long, a bit on the loud side).

1
vote

Jon Skeet doesn't annotate specs: the specs are written to conform to his annotations.

1
vote
  • Windows actually "works" on Jon Skeet's computer.
  • Breaking news: "NASA has removed all firewalls from its server and stuck a picture of 'Jon Skeet in gown'(available in SO) on it"
  • Jon Skeet does not move the mouse, the pointer knows exactly where to go when he touches it.
  • Jon Skeet once developed an operating system using a calculator during a morning jog

Jon Skeet can do this:

public void foo(){
    final int notsofinalhaha = 10;
    notsofinalhaha * 50; // don't even doubt that...
}

Finally, a non-tech one...

When he does push-ups (yeah he does just for fun)... he doesn't come up... actually, the Earth goes down humbly ;-)

1
vote
  • Jon Skeet never forgets his TPS cover sheet.

  • Jon Skeet can smell new programmers.

    Jon Skeet: *Sniffs the Air* New Programmers!

0
votes

Hugh Everett is wrong. There is only one world and that's the one Jon Skeet chooses.

  • Quantum physics joke, move along. – Skizz Dec 3 '08 at 14:18
0
votes
  1. he already is a posthuman
  2. he is the singularity
0
votes

When Jon Skeet marched to the bottom of The Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord, the Evil Wizard was OUT, NEVER TO RETURN. The amulet had been left on the floor with a note warning monsters not to touch it, and a profuse apology to Jon Skeet for making him go the trouble. When Jon Skeet returned to the surface, Trebor thanked Jon Skeet for retrieving the Amulet and asked Jon to keep it. Trebor then handed over all of his equipment and most of his gold to Jon.

  • I am reminded of Why's Poignant Guide to Ruby... – Rob Feb 10 '09 at 17:33
0
votes

Jon Skeet never disappoints; only disappointment gets disappointed, if Jon Skeet says so.

0
votes

2454866 JDN does not mean "Julian Day Number", it means "Jon Skeet Day Number"

0
votes

Code name of JavaScript is JonSkeet.

0
votes

Each time Anders Hejlsberg prepares a draft spec for the next version of C#, he submits it to Jon Skeet for review and approval.

  • 4
    Not as funny as the one on the first page. – mmyers Aug 17 '09 at 12:24
0
votes

Jon Skeet decides when a program halts.

  • 10
    Jon Skeet doesn't like duplicates. – Gnoupi Mar 26 '10 at 10:33
-1
votes

The concept of Ignorance itself has congealed, become corporeal and conscious just to flag all of Jon Skeet's Stackoverflow answers as offensive.

But Wisdom has responded by removing the flag and raining down a golden shower of up-votes.

  • I don't get it... – IAbstract Feb 7 '10 at 22:59
  • -1 for the golden shower thing. Ugh, man. UGH! – MPelletier Apr 8 '10 at 14:54
-1
votes

John Skeet is Dr Manhatten's smarter brother!

  • 6
    This isn't funny. – littlechris May 5 '09 at 14:44
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