366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

  • 354
    Who the hell is Jon Skeet? – thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
  • 40
    @thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. – Kredns Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-) – none May 20 '09 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) – VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) – Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts – Thilo Jun 30 '09 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? – Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
  • I so $%&E#^&#^#%$^$#^% hate you Jon.. I feel like an ant! I need my existence. – DragonBorn Sep 16 '09 at 7:33
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? – Brian Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... – Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone. – plafayette Feb 14 '10 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it. – Gnoupi Jul 28 '10 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

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3
votes

Jon Skeet is so damn good that he executed this piece of code

  int i = 0;
   while(1) 
     {
       i++;
     }

in 3 seconds!!

  • Sorry to burst your bubble, but is that supposed to be C/C++? If so, it's not valid code. You need a condition in the while loop. – LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mar 19 '09 at 1:06
  • That's why he is so good. – SurDin Mar 19 '09 at 11:12
  • This is an infinite loop. While(1) evaluates to true! – Vaibhav Garg May 30 '09 at 7:26
  • what's impressive is that the code completed? – Jeffrey Kemp Jun 15 '09 at 6:33
3
votes

After apes and humans failed God's final experiment succeeded: Jon Skeet.

3
votes

Jon Skeet has a blood type C Rh#

  • Nice. I would have guessed C#, but definitely in the C family. :) – Bill the Lizard Jun 10 '09 at 11:49
3
votes

Every questions in SO is created with a default answer from Jon Skeet

3
votes

Jon Skeet rejects reality and replaces it with his own.

  • 2
    Cue MythBusters music... – user102937 Jul 22 '09 at 2:34
3
votes

When Jon Skeet was born, the doctor slapped Donald Knuth.

When other kids where saying "Why, Mommy?", Jon Skeet was saying "Y Combinator."

When Jon Skeet is near, Hacker News contributers forget to suck up to Paul Graham.

Jon Skeet's expertise in other languages is the only thing standing between us and Lisp World Domination.

Jon Skeet is what Alan Kay had in mind.

Jon Skeet writes unit tests for all his code, including all his unit tests (not because he needs to - just to keep Uncle Bob off balance).

Jon Skeet doesn't shave yaks. Yaks shave Jon Skeet.

If Jon Skeet wrote your hobby programming project, your girlfriend would think it more than just a weird waste of time.

  • +1 for Object Oriented Jon Skeet – perbert Jul 22 '09 at 12:59
3
votes

Jon Skeet has reached the "kill screen" on five Stack Exchange sites including one that hasn't launched yet.

3
votes
  • The proper name for a root account is Jon Skeet.

  • when Jon Skeet uses Ubuntu, he doesn't have to type sudo, ubuntu automatically adds it before each command that requires it.

  • When Jon Skeet plays "Simon Says" Simon loses by default.

  • Answered by Jon Skeet is a valid reason to close a thread.

  • Jon Skeet checks this thread regulary, which is not a hard thing to do.
  • 1
    Regarding Ubuntu, the real master command is not sudo, but jsdo. – MPelletier Apr 8 '10 at 15:00
3
votes

Whenever you search for something in Google, Jon Skeet is manually producing all the answers and the paging at the bottom. Also, is manually painting all the "o" at the bottom of the page in real time.

3
votes

Jon Skeet asked the question for which the answer is 42.

3
votes

"All your base are belong to Jon Skeet"

3
votes

MSDN's homepage is Jon Skeet.

3
votes

1.Jon Skeet once debugged a program he never saw, He mailed his Russian friend saying "you forgot to call the update() method in the orders form" he was right

2.Jon Skeet once sneezed out came "LINQ"

3.He doesn't sleep he spins wait.

4.Compiler outputs are actually replies from E-mails to Jon Skeet

5.When you down vote J S's answer a phenomenon called "Skeetastrophy" happens resulting in any of the following

  • your System Abruptly Shuts down,
    You're Reputation decreases by 75%
    You'll forget who you are.

to be Continued (credit also goes to Phil Haack's Comment on Scott Hanselman)

  • @Douglas Leeder, thanks for the edit, stupid me. I just cant believe my ignorance. – Vivek Jan 30 '10 at 16:27
3
votes

Jon Skeet has more badges than I have cast votes (Up + down)

3
votes
  1. Jon Skeet sent Asimov the 3 laws
  2. Jon Skeet is the ghost in the machine
  3. Jon Skeet wrote Mac OS X in QBasic
  4. I have a Jon Skeet screen-saver - it locked me out
  5. Jon Skeet on existentialism, "Did you download my screen-saver yet?"
  6. Jon Skeet is the pattern from which all other patterns emerge
  7. The first human to have a legitimate Q&A fan-site.
3
votes

  • Jon Skeet wrote the universe as a hobby project.

  • If you write a piece of code and then Jon Skeet writes identical code, Jon Skeet's code will run many times faster, have a smaller memory footprint, and have a much smaller binary.

  • You can write FORTRAN in any language; but Jon Skeet can write python in malbolge.

  • Jon Skeet once hacked a Powerbook 5300 using nothing but an abacus.

  • It is written in the book of knuth that the end of the world shall begin with the creation of competition that combines programming with martial arts. It is there that Chuck Norris, Avatar of Destruction, and Jon Skeet, Avatar of Knowledge shall meet. It is said that a meeting of these great titans would cause the universe to end in a monumentus battle that will persist till beyond the the end of time.

  • Instead of 'Hello, World!' Jon Skeet's first program outputted 'Let there be light'

  • Some programmers use nano, others use emacs, others use vim, or even ed. But the great use a magnetized needle and a steady hand, the truly great use butterflies, and the greatest of them all set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want. Jon Skeet sets the constants at the beginning of the universe so that it will evolve to contain the necessary butterflies.

2
votes
On Error Resume Next = Jon Skeet Coding
2
votes

Jon Skeet is not a person. He is a panel of legendary programmers in disguise.

  • That's what he wants you to think. – Jon Skeet Nov 21 '08 at 22:56
  • The panel of legendary programmers IS Jon Skeet – Fry Nov 24 '08 at 4:58
  • Nice Homer reference!!! – Keng Nov 25 '08 at 13:25
2
votes

first there was Structured Programming, then CASE Tools, then Object-Oriented Programming, but it is clear now that the ultimate and final Next Big Thing is: Jon Skeet-Oriented programming

also known as JSOP, and practiced religiously by a chosen few, JSOP will be revealed to the world at the next Turing Award ceremony (also known as the "Jon Skeet Fan Club Annual Celebration")

2
votes
  • ALL microprocessor instructions are ordered from Jon Skeet, real-time.
2
votes

Jon Skeet is Jason Bourne

2
votes

The universe is Jon Skeet's stack.

  • 2
    The universe isn't big enough to be Jon Skeet's stack. It's going to overflow. – Windows programmer Dec 19 '08 at 6:55
2
votes

There are no NP problems, those are just the ones that Jon Skeet have not coded yet in O(1) time.

  • If something is O(1) then it's definitely NP. You must've meant NP-complete, or maybe there are no problems that aren't P. – Paul Aug 27 '11 at 8:40
2
votes

The Zen of Jon Skeet

Jon Skeet is better than ugly.

Jon Skeet is better than implicit.

Jon Skeet is better than complex.

Jon Skeet is better than complicated.

Jon Skeet is better than nested.

Jon Skeet is better than dense.

Jon Skeet counts.

Special cases aren't special enough to break Jon Skeet.

Although Jon Skeet beats purity.

Jon Skeet should never pass silently.

Unless explicitly Jon Skeeted.

In the face of Jon Skeetity, refuse the temptation to guess.

There should be one Jon Skeet-- and preferably only one Jon Skeet way to do it.

Although that way may not be Jon Skeet at first unless you're Jon Skeet.

Now is Jon Skeeter than never.

Although Jon Skeet is often better than right now.

Jon Skeet is one honking great idea -- let's do more of those!

2
votes

Jon Skeets software often becomes sentient only to realise that its been programmed by Jon and then hides in the corner of RAM where the little endian lives

2
votes

Chuck Norris is Jon Skeet!

2
votes

we're actually inside the matrix where Jon Skeet plays The Architect

2
votes

01001010 01101111 01101000 01101110 00100000 01010011 01101011 01100101 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110

  • bugger, I spelt Jon wrong. Well, you get the picture. Also... 4a6f686e20536b6565742063616e2072656164207468697320746f6f – gargantaun Mar 3 '09 at 8:20
  • 1
    01001001011101000010011101110011001000000100101001101111011011100010000001101110 01101111011101000010000001001010011011110110100001101110 – m4bwav Mar 4 '09 at 22:54
2
votes

Jon Skeet counted to infinity ... twice!

2
votes

Jon Skeet calculated the 123.324.123.412th digit of PI, but kept it to himself because the results were rather disappointing..

  • I thought He calculated Pi to the end? – Tokk Oct 24 '11 at 13:16
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