366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

EDIT: If you're into cryptography, you may enjoy these facts.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

locked by Robert Harvey Sep 22 '11 at 0:57

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migrated from stackoverflow.com Jul 24 '09 at 18:24

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  • 354
    Who the hell is Jon Skeet? – thenduks Apr 21 '09 at 20:37
  • 40
    @thenduks: Leave now before he comes and sees your ignorance. – Kredns Apr 22 '09 at 23:28
  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-) – none May 20 '09 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page) – VonC Jun 20 '09 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :) – Bill the Lizard Jun 26 '09 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts – Thilo Jun 30 '09 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...? – Frank V Jul 1 '09 at 22:51
  • I so $%&E#^&#^#%$^$#^% hate you Jon.. I feel like an ant! I need my existence. – DragonBorn Sep 16 '09 at 7:33
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet? – Brian Nov 25 '09 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"... – Matt Nov 30 '09 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone. – plafayette Feb 14 '10 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it. – Gnoupi Jul 28 '10 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

2
votes

Q: What do Bill Gates, Anders Hejlsberg, and Ray Ozzie have in common?

A. They all wear Jon Skeet underpants.

  • +1 any idea where I can get a pair? eBay??? – IAbstract Feb 7 '10 at 22:07
2
votes

Jon Skeet answered my post on SO before I hit 'Post your answer'

2
votes

NP Complete problem to Jon - "You complete me"

2
votes
  • We all are living in the 5th version of The Matrix created by Jon Skeet.

  • Jon Skeet has enough SO points to give it back to SO in crisis.

  • SO badges are awarded by Jon skeet.

  • prophecy asked Jon skeet to be on humans' side in a war between humans and machines. Machines admitted defeat after observing Jon's decision.

  • 1
    Why would Jon Skeet need to write more than once? – user134495 Oct 19 '09 at 19:42
  • 2
    Should have been the previous 4 versions were not programmed by Jon Skeet – Aaron M Oct 23 '09 at 21:27
2
votes

The original draft of "Atlas Shrugged" actually asked "Who is Jon Skeet." It was only changed to Galt at the editors insistence that Jon Skeet hadn't been born yet and non-programmers would find this paradox confusing.

2
votes

Sorry but I just can't resist. :-D

  • John Skeet can harvest Expression Trees.
  • John Skeet don't need to use Inversion of Control. Components eagerly ask for participation anyways.
  • John Skeet's code don't need Dependency Injection because the universe bends to his will and the right connections happen with magic.
2
votes

Applying the identity operator to Jon Skeet only makes him more powerful than you can possibly imagine

2
votes

When something changes in Jon Skeet, the Matrix feels a déjà vu.

2
votes

Jon Skeet can understand and answer all the questions on MathOverflow.

2
votes

Jon Skeet wrote code to account for the Pentium's floating point bug in software. Post-FPU.

  • +1 Most people don't get why this is funny... but I do! – uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN Apr 16 '10 at 3:25
2
votes

When the Visual Studio debugger puts up an exception message it's really Jon Skeet at the other end typing into an instant messenger window.

2
votes

Jon Skeet writes letters to his gran in Visual Studio, and programs in MS Word.

  • -1 Anyone can do that - it's called VBA. – uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN Apr 21 '10 at 21:08
  • I meant that he uses Word as an IDE. – Fahad Sadah May 4 '10 at 21:13
2
votes

Skeets is an artifical intelligence robot, a former BX9 security robot at the Space Museum to be precise. Wikipedia says so.

2
votes

if(Jon < C#) // return false

if(Jon == C#) // returns false

if(Jon > C#) // return true;

  • 3
    Error: [ untitled : 3 ] you have an error in your syntax near 'returns'. – uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN Jul 19 '10 at 1:39
2
votes
  • Jon Skeet can haz double cheezburger
1
vote

When Jon Skeet will be 42 years old, our universe will collapse.

1
vote

Jon Skeet wrote the anti-life equation when he was 2 months old. Two seconds later he got bored of it and hid it somewhere.

1
vote

It should be noted that ethically-trained Jon Skeet would never consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Nor would Jon Skeet write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter. Basic professional ethics would instead require Jon Skeet to write a DestroyUniverse procedure, to which he can pass any universe as he chooses.

1
vote

Time now: 3h14 AM ;-) - few ones I came up with:

Jon Skeet doesn't need NOP sleds - registers throw themselves at Jon's Instruction Pointer.

In fact, Jon Skeet doesn't even need to do buffer overflow exploits - programs exploit themselves in Jon's presence.

Jon Skeet solves everything in O(logJ(n)) where logJ is the Skeet logarithm. It turns out O(logJ(n)) is infinitely faster than O(0).

Jon Skeet rewrote Euler's identity. He only showed the ancient Incas once when going back in time, but their eyes imploded out of the sheer awesomeness of the equation. All we know is that the new equation incorporates J, the Skeet number, which is the base of the Skeet logarithm logJ.

1
vote

Jon Skeet knows if Ayende is a cyborg - he programmed Ayende!

1
vote

Jon Skeet only uses the programming language called 'JonSkeet' (Available here, usage: JonSkeet example1.txt, tested on XP). It contains only two keywords: Jon and Skeet. Everything else is invalid.

Skizz

1
vote

Jon Skeet shapes the minds of brilliant computer science students -- using telepathy. For his teammates, Jon prefers to use osmosis.

1
vote

Jon Skeet can win The Game.

  • So i guess we all have lost – Tom Apr 23 '09 at 20:29
1
vote

Jon Skeet has access to source code of the universe.

1
vote
  • SO is just a web address into Jon Skeet's programming part of his brain.
  • Wikipedia is the address to the rest of Jon Skeet's brain.
  • Jon Skeet posted all his answers to SO before he turned 3.
  • Jon Skeet built a difference engine out of legos when he turned 3 and it was passed the Turing Test
  • When Jon Skeet first played Tetris, it ran out of pieces to give him.
  • No... he is still playing Tetris - he currently has 23,453,355,435,436,676,173,653,247 points. – uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN Apr 16 '10 at 3:40
1
vote

Questions in Stack Overflow send it first to Jon Skeet then ship it to all users!

1
vote
  • Jon Skeet thought "DDD" Meant Deadly, Dying, Dead.
  • Jon Skeet is a bad MEF!
  • His "Agile" development includes roundhouse kicks.
  • +1 for his Agile development – IAbstract Feb 7 '10 at 21:59
1
vote

Jon Skeet donates a cool million to charity for each bug in his code ... the problem is, he never writes bugs.

1
vote

The Jon-Skeet S.O tag is redundant, in the background, all tags point to https://stackoverflow.com/questions/tagged/jon-skeet anyway.

1
vote

For those who watch commercials on US television... Jon Skeet is the only thing in Capital One's wallet.

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