@NicolBolas I mean - resentment for whatever reason is the cause of hostility. telling to RTFM can be seen as offensive. "dude, C++ ain't C#, wtf?!!" can be seen as offensive. and only way to fight that is with empathy. it is so hard for you because I'm honest about being dishonest. that leads to alienation. dealing with it is exactly what I'm doing.

@NicolBolas when there's hostility, identity is in danger and human looks for negativity in others to cling to which is what defending ego is - trying to be superior by finding reasons why others are dumber, uglier and worse in general even if reasons ain't true. e.g. my logic you ain't buying, focus on my bad behavior and formal acting as if you still don't really participate in this conversation :D

@NicolBolas almost. it's not an evidence of hostility but the reflection of usual path towards it and causes which I'm trying to highlight. an example that you can't really forbid anyone doing so without throwing away important information bits and hopefully - an example of honest empathy.

@NicolBolas e.g. - I'm doing 'Intellectualization' one; "Because it's kinda hard (..)": and that goes other direction too - i cannot magically know what's that you cannot understand. it is hard, but honest empathy is the only thing that fights hostility.

@NicolBolas "Or if it did, you changed it by your behavior" that is unimportant. it does not matter if it's my or yours ego. it's oppression that leads to hostility either way.

@NicolBolas I kind a made that term up, but appareantly it does exist. it's pretty much what I meant - psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/0001251

@Arjan it has given some insight. I'm using profanity to show how unimportant it is. language is a tool.