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• David is the Vice President of Engineering for Stack Exchange, Inc. Despite the name, this does not mean he is responsible for all engineering vices - it just means he directs all development work.

• Unlike many of you poor, lost souls, David is proud to use something other than an iPhone.

• As you can see from the picture, David is a very angry man.

• David once had a desk that responded to his voice commands. Does your desk raise or lower itself in response to your utterances? I didn't think so.

• A radioactive spider once bit David. Now it puts on a costume and pretends to be a Vice President. Unfortunately, it didn't read my clarification regarding the use of the word "vice" above - so be very careful if you ever encounter a spider wearing a hoodie.

The above are all of the primary reasons, but it all may make a smidge more sense (well, not really) to those familiar with the "Lucas uses Venmo" campaign that no one understands which is all over the NYC Subway system:

• David was the Vice President of Engineering for Stack Exchange, Inc. Despite the name, this does not mean he is responsible for all engineering vices - it just means he directs all development work.

• Unlike many of you poor, lost souls, David is proud to use something other than an iPhone.

• As you can see from the picture, David is a very angry man.

• David once had a desk that responded to his voice commands. Does your desk raise or lower itself in response to your utterances? I didn't think so.

• A radioactive spider once bit David. Now it puts on a costume and pretends to be a Vice President. Unfortunately, it didn't read my clarification regarding the use of the word "vice" above - so be very careful if you ever encounter a spider wearing a hoodie.

The above are all of the primary reasons, but it all may make a smidge more sense (well, not really) to those familiar with the "Lucas uses Venmo" campaign that no one understands which is all over the NYC Subway system:

• David is the Vice President of Engineering for Stack Exchange, Inc. Despite the name, this does not mean he is responsible for all engineering vices - it just means he directs all development work.

• Unlike many of you poor, lost souls, David is proud to use something other than an iPhone.

• As you can see from the picture, David is a very angry man.

• David once had a desk that responded to his voice commands. Does your desk raise or lower itself in response to your utterances? I didn't think so.

• A radioactive spider once bit David. Now it puts on a costume and pretends to be a Vice President. Unfortunately, it didn't read my clarification regarding the use of the word "vice" above - so be very careful if you ever encounter a spider wearing a hoodie.

The above are all of the primary reasons, but it all may make a smidge more sense (well, not really) to those familiar with the "Lucas uses Venmo" campaign that no one understands which is all over the NYC Subway system:

• David is the Vice President of Engineering for Stack Exchange, Inc. Despite the name, this does not mean he is responsible for all engineering vices - it just means he directs all development work.

• Unlike many of you poor, lost souls, David is proud to use something other than an iPhone.

• As you can see from the picture, David is a very angry man.

• David once had a desk that responded to his voice commands. Does your desk raise or lower itself in response to your utterances? I didn't think so.

• A radioactive spider once bit David. Now it puts on a costume and pretends to be a Vice President. Unfortunately, it didn't read my clarification regarding the use of the word "vice" above - so be very careful if you ever encounter a spider wearing a hoodie.

The above are all of the primary reasons, but it all may make a smidge more sense (well, not really) to those familiar with the "Lucas uses Venmo" campaign that no one understands which is all over the NYC Subway system:

• David is the Vice President of Engineering for Stack Exchange, Inc. Despite the name, this does not mean he is responsible for all engineering vices - it just means he directs all development work.

• Unlike many of you poor, lost souls, David is proud to use something other than an iPhone.

• As you can see from the picture, David is a very angry man.

• David once had a desk that responded to his voice commands. Does your desk raise or lower itself in response to your utterances? I didn't think so.

• A radioactive spider once bit David. Now it puts on a costume and pretends to be a Vice President. Unfortunately, it didn't read my clarification regarding the use of the word "vice" above - so be very careful if you ever encounter a spider wearing a hoodie.

• David is the Vice President of Engineering for Stack Exchange, Inc. Despite the name, this does not mean he is responsible for all engineering vices - it just means he directs all development work.

• Unlike many of you poor, lost souls, David is proud to use something other than an iPhone.

• As you can see from the picture, David is a very angry man.

• David once had a desk that responded to his voice commands. Does your desk raise or lower itself in response to your utterances? I didn't think so.

• A radioactive spider once bit David. Now it puts on a costume and pretends to be a Vice President. Unfortunately, it didn't read my clarification regarding the use of the word "vice" above - so be very careful if you ever encounter a spider wearing a hoodie.

The above are all of the primary reasons, but it all may make a smidge more sense (well, not really) to those familiar with the "Lucas uses Venmo" campaign that no one understands which is all over the NYC Subway system: