Jon Skeet Facts

Question

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

Answer 1

These are written in the third person so as not to disrupt the style of the thing. But hey, as we all know, Jon Skeet can make 1 == 3 anyway, so it makes no difference.

• Jon Skeet is immutable. If something's going to change, it's going to have to be the rest of the universe.
• Jon Skeet's addition operator doesn't commute; it teleports to where he needs it to be.
• Anonymous methods and anonymous types are really all called Jon Skeet. They just don't like to boast.
• Jon Skeet's code doesn't follow a coding convention. It is the coding convention.
• Jon Skeet doesn't have performance bottlenecks. He just makes the universe wait its turn.
• Jon Skeet is the only person who has ranked higher than Jon Skeet in the SO all-time rep league.
• Users don't mark Jon Skeet's answers as accepted. The universe accepts them out of a sense of truth and justice.

Answer 2

• Jon Skeet can divide by zero.
• Jon Skeet's SO reputation is only as modest as it is because of integer overflow (SQL Server does not have a datatype large enough)
• Jon Skeet is the only top 100 SO user who is human. The others are bots that he coded to pass the time between questions.
• Jon Skeet coded his last project entirely in Microsoft Paint, just for the challenge.
• Jon Skeet does not use exceptions when programming. He has not been able to identify any of his code that is not exceptional.
• When Jon Skeet's code fails to compile the compiler apologises.
• Jon Skeet does not use revision control software. None of his code has ever needed revision.
• When you search for "guru" on Google it says "Did you mean Jon Skeet?"
• There are two types of programmers: good programmers, and those that are not Jon Skeet.

Answer 3

Jon Skeet has already written a book about C# 5.0.

It’s currently sealed up.

In three years, Anders Hejlsberg is going to open the book to see if the language design team got it right.

Answer 4

Jon Skeet can recite π. Backwards.

Answer 5

• Jon Skeet once answered one of my questions 42 seconds before I asked it. It is my belief that he employed a super computer and Infinite Improbability Drive technology to achieve this result.

• When Jon Skeet points to null, null quakes in fear.

• Donald Knuth wears a "Jon Skeet is my Homeboy" t-shirt to show off at parties.

• Jon Skeet is the traveling salesman. Only he knows the shortest route.

• Jon Skeet can make the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs.

• Jon Skeet took the red pill and the blue pill, and can phase-shift in and out of the Matrix at will.

• Jon Skeet has root access to your system.

• The Dining Philosophers wait while Jon Skeet eats.

• Jon Skeet knows the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, both African and European.

• Jon Skeet has more "Nice Answer" badges than you have badges.

• Jon Skeet saved the Princess.

Answer 6

Q: Can Jon Skeet ask a question that even Jon Skeet can't answer?

A: Yes. And he can answer it, too.

Answer 7

If Jon Skeet posts a duplicate question on StackOverflow, the original question will be closed as a duplicate.

Answer 8

• when Jon gives a method an argument, the method loses
• when Jon pushes a value onto a stack, it stays pushed
• when invoking one of Jon's callbacks, the runtime adds "please"
• drivers think twice before they dare interrupt Jon's code

Answer 9

JONBERT appears courtesy of:

Answer 10

1. Jon Skeet does not sleep.. He waits.
2. Google is Jon Skeet behind a proxy.
3. Jon Skeet does not recognize anonymous types in .net .. he knows everyone of them and where they live.
4. Jeff Atwood bought a monster GPU just to calculate J S's rep on SO... CPUs don't cut it anymore.
5. J S doesn't answer questions on SO.. he stares them down till they answer themselves.
6. MSDN is a post-it J S wrote when he was four.
7. Godzilla is a japanese rendition of Jon's first visit to Redmond.
8. When J S does a search on Google.. the only result is "I'll be right back".
9. J S returned intellisense and got his money back!
10. The 'Jigsaw Killer' didn't die of cancer.. he died of heartbreak. JS kept leaving 'same time next week :)' post-its in his traps.
11. Norman Bates lives a normal life today... J S fixed the unwanted callbacks and rewrote Mother.Dispose()
12. J S took out Harry Callahan with an anonymous delegate before he could say 'do you punk?'
13. When J S presses F5, the Garbage collector collects itself.. there is no other garbage.
14. Contrary to popular belief, there is enough J S to go around.. and then some.

Answer 11

Jon Skeet can believe it's not butter.

Answer 12

• Jon Skeet can throw an exception further than anyone else, and in less time
• Jon Skeet can code in Perl and make it look like Java
• Jon Skeet can stop an infinite loop just by thinking about it
• Jon Skeet doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses
• Jon Skeet once wrote an entire operating system in his sleep on a Treo with no battery, powered only by the force of his will

Answer 13

Some Chuck Norris quotes translated in Jon Skeetish lingo:

• If you have 10000 reputation points and Jon Skeet has 10000 reputation points, Jon Skeet has more reputation than you.

• There is no 'CTRL' button on Jon Skeet's computer. Jon Skeet is always in control.

• The only time Jon Skeet was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

From the comments of the accepted answer:

• Jon Skeet has a guru badge for a question about... Jon Skeet (Marc Gravell)
  (this is true: his answer on this post has been accepted and upvoted more than 40 times)
  That makes Jon Skeet the leading authority on... Jon Skeet (Bill the Lizard).

From the blog post "Stack Overflow Is You"

• Jon Skeet says: "Stack Overflow is You ? I knew that already"
  [ok, the full quote is actually:

“Stack Overflow is you.” I knew that already :) What, you’re saying it’s other people too? Hmm… ;) ]

And some original ones:

• Jon Skeet does not run his programs. He just whispers "you better run". And it runs.

• Jon Skeet codes only with final sealed methods. No one has ever needed to override any of Jon Skeet's code.

• Jon Skeet LINQs all things

• Jon Skeet does not "Abort, Retry, Ignore". Ever.

• Jon Skeet is a BSOD in himself: Best Stack Overflow Definition.

• Jon Skeet only solves NP-awesome problems.

• Jon Skeet is IntelliSense:

  • to get an answer on Stack Overflow, type: 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE. The answer is displayed immediately.
  • works for question too: "I would like to know..." 'Jon Skeet' + CTRL+SPACE: the question you actually wanted to ask writes itself.

And of course:

• All your reputations are belong to Jon Skeet. (AYR after AYB)

Answer 14

Jon Skeet has performed the following feats on Stack Overflow (yes, in real life):

• Jon Skeet won the “Hello World” in less than 20 bytes" contest by developing a single byte program. He could have easily done with zero bytes, "but that would have been silly."

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/284797/hello-world-in-less-than-20-bytes#284898 (10k+) post has been deleted.

• Jon Skeet does not resolve software problems. The problems resolve themselves the moment he walks into the office.

https://stackoverflow.com/questions/140376/what-easter-eggs-have-you-placed-in-code#140507

• Jon Skeet can answer a question well before it is asked and then get several up-votes whilst he has yet to finish typing the solution.

What's a good algorithm to determine if an input is a perfect square? (see comments)

Answer 15

The Jon Skeet badge is awarded for posting a better answer than Jon Skeet. Only Jon Skeet can earn this badge.

Answer 16

God said: 'Let there be light,' only so he could see what Jon Skeet was up to.

Answer 17

Superman wears Skeet pajamas to bed!

Answer 18

• Jon Skeet's keyboard doesn't have F1 key, the computer asks for help from him.
• When Jon Skeet presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete, worldwide computers restart is initiated. The same goes for format.
• Jon Skeet uses Visual Studio to burn CDs.
• Jon Skeet is not close to perfection, perfection is close to Jon Skeet.
• God didn't really create the world in six days, because Jon Skeet optimized it to one.
• Jon Skeet's brain thinks binary.
• Jon Skeet dreams in ones and zeros. When two shows up, it is a nightmare. But again that's only in theory. Two doesn't exist for Jon.
• Jon Skeet's heart rate is 5 GHz.
• Thanks to the XML application AIDSTest 1.1 written by Jon Skeet, mobile phone users can now test them selfs for the HIV virus by a simple SMS. Anonymity Guaranteed!
• Seventh normal form (7NF) for database normalization IS Jon Skeet.
• Nobody has EVER dared to close the <JonSkeet> tag.
• When Jon Skeet solves an equation the variables becomes constants.
• If anyone writes delete JonSkeet; in C, the Apocalypse will come.
• Once Jon Skeet went to the library... Since then the library was dynamically linked.
• Jon Skeet has the key to Open Source. He just doesn't want to close it.
• Compatibility doesn't exist in Jon Skeet's dictionary. He can easily work in Microsoft Office in Linux on a Mac.
• When Jon Skeet is programming the Garbage Collector rests. The objects know when to destroy themselves.
• Jon Skeet's styling is connected to a CSS file.
• If the Internet is the web then Jon Skeet is the spider.
• "Bad command or file name" - angrily said Jon Skeet, and continued: "Go stand in the corner". Poor "file or command name".
• When Jon Skeet is on a diet and doesn't eat fast food, all hard disks change from FAT to NTFS.
• Jon Skeet has written the best programming language. Its source has just one command... void JonSkeet();
• Jon Skeet doesn't use #include. He thinks of it as cheating.

Answer 19

Jon Skeet once hacked the FBI using an etch-a-sketch

Answer 20

In a page margin of Jon Skeet's copy of the book on the Riemann hypothesis is the note:

"I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain."

Answer 21

• When a null reference exception goes to sleep, it checks under the bed for Jon Skeet.
• There is no CTRL button on Jon Skeets keyboard. Jon Skeet is always in control.
• Jon Skeet's threads do not sleep. They wait.
• Jon Skeet doesn't need delegates, he does all the work himself.
• Jon Skeet doesn't call a background worker, background workers call Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet doesn't write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
• Jon Skeet can solve the travelling salesman in O(1).
• When Jon Skeet throws an exception, nothing can catch it.

Answer 22

.NET uses Just-In-Time compilation because every instruction must first be approved by Jon Skeet

Answer 23

1. There simply is no Halting Problem within a 10-meter radius of Jon Skeet, because computers are rightfully afraid to halt in his presence.

2. Jon Skeet has proven the Continuum Hypothesis, but has agreed not to share his discovery with the world until leading mathematicians recover from the shock.

3. Jon Skeet is beyond Turing-complete; he is Turing-invincible.

4. nVidia plans to triple the processing power of their newest videocards by bypassing their GPU pipelines entirely and offloading the vector operations to Jon Skeet over instant messenger. And those graphics benchmarks will improve further still during those intervals when Jon is actually awake.

Answer 24

Skeet is now a verb. To be skeeted: The act of attempting to answer a Stack Overflow question only to find out that Jon Skeet has already answered it definitively and much better than you could have done.

Answer 25

• Jon Skeet doesn't look for reputation. Reputation looks for Jon Skeet.
• Jon Skeet can do pair programming with himself

Answer 26

Jon Skeet once fixed a production problem in his pajamas. How it got in his pajamas, I will never know.

Answer 27

• Jon Skeet's first "Hello World" app took up 10 bytes of memory (think about it!)
• When Jon installed Visual Studio he opted not to install the debugger
• When Jon saves a file the file thanks him
• Bill wanted Jon but had to make do with Jerry
• When Yoda needs advice he calls Jon Skeet

Answer 28

Jon Skeet survives off the blood of the living, and has incredible taste in slippers.

Seriously.

Answer 29

Only Jon Skeet earned the coveted "Jon Skeet" badge:

Jon Skeet badge http://uvshock.co.uk/badges/badge.php?label=I%20am%20Jon%20Skeet&medal=gold

Answer 30

When Jon Skeet codes a far JMP, the assembler asks, "How high?"