Why does the chat FAQ say we have to be nice to people who don't deserve it?

Question

From the chat FAQ:

Yes. We expect community members to treat each other with respect … even when they don't deserve it.

(Emphasis mine.)

Can anyone explain this rule?

Answer 1

Should be more like:

...even when [you feel] they don't deserve it.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. When someone is being a jerk, being a jerk back only makes things worse, and chat starts to look like YouTube comments. It makes you look bad, and it makes us all look bad.

Of course, this applies to AFK as well.

Answer 2

Network effects. One guy being a jerk sucks. And that affects multiple people; that sucks even more. But what happens when you're a jerk to the jerk? A few things:

• The jerk lashes back that makes the immediate situation worse.
• Other people see this two-way jerkiness and it begins to appear to be the norm. Whether they agree with the jerk or with you, they will be more likely to view rudeness as a valid way to express their opinion.
• The additional rudeness directed in both directions will increase, often to at least one person's breaking point.

Network effects are sort of like a virus; if you can kill one "node" early, you can prevent lots of future growth. In this case, that's a good thing. By stemming the vitriol early you end up with a much more pleasant environment, even if it denies you the crude satisfaction of telling off that jerkass.

This is why, as a mod, I'll generally just fire off a "stop, now" warning or two and then just reach for the suspend button if excessive rudeness continues. Lashing out doesn't do anything, heck, engaging jerks at all, no matter how polite you are, is generally a bad idea. Some people are incapable of not being jerks, and being rude to them certainly won't stop them. At worst there are trolls who are specifically trying to elicit that negative reaction.

Just live and let live, and leave your attention to the people that care. Jerks don't generally care. Even if being rude to jerks didn't start a death-spiral of nastiness, there's still better things you could be doing with your time, on or off the site. Just do one of those things instead.

Answer 3

Stack Overflow is a question and answer site for professional and enthusiast programmers.

This site is not open to everyone. There is a specific subset of the population that should be represented here: programmers with a purpose.

If you fall into the "professional" category, you probably already know that politeness tends to lead to better results than standard emotional responses. Few things damage a workplace more than unchecked emotions, and the same holds true on a site geared toward professionals.

Enthusiasts should understand that they will get better help and acceptance from the community when they focus on the subject at hand without allowing emotions to cloud issues. The site specifically shuns discussion and opinion in favor of objectivity and experience. Emotional responses generally run counter to the core goal.

If someone is acting in a way that offends you, just remember that this isn't real life. It is the internet. You can walk away, and you will probably be the better person if you do.