I answered a question on SO meta today, where the female OP is expressing being upset about some gender issues, only to go back into chat and find a comment about something missing "tits". I flag this comment. A discussion then ensues over the fact there is a flag:
Upon which the original comment is iterated and more jokes are made and comments about how, obviously it's the flagger's issue, taking a remark about 'tits' out of context in a programming chat room.
The subsequent discussion includes the support of one of the room owner's, who then makes dry remarks that his comment about a mammary gland without a nipple is pointless.
I feel like some people have a built-in blacklist in their minds triggering a flag immediately without looking at the context…
I get feedback like:
Regarding inappropiate jokes in socvr: What is and isn't inappropiate isn't yours alone to decide
So I'm left with this starred comment:
Point is, what is and isn't offensive is a community decision As brutal as that sounds, if ROs and mods have no problems with it, then its not a problem
So we have a repeated issue on the site:
Declining Numbers of Women in Programming, What Can SO do to Help?
Does the SO community view itself as gender neutral?
What can Stack Overflow do to persuade female programmers to participate more?
So I'm uptight because I don't like being in a room, where I'm pretty sure I was the only woman in the room at the time and the guys are making jokes about tits and it's stated clearly that anyone who doesn't like that really is the issue.
On an almost daily basis (not while I was recently away). I am pinged in that room being asked for an opinion from a "Woman's perspective". Whenever there is some type of controversial comment, I am pinged. "Ask Yvette".
I'm on the site as a programmer and Stack Exchange contributor. I happen to be a woman. I say clearly, this makes me feel uncomfortable, please stop. It doesn't stop. When I try to bring it up with one of the room owner's I'm asked to stop.
Ironically, I posted some comments I thought were funny in a side chat room, that is supposed to be a place where people go for humour and I'm doing this to try to appease this push I feel, because I'm (supposedly) over-sensitive to sexism. I'm tired of this.
So my only solution is stay away from that room when there are no responsible room owner around.
I have no voice, no authority in that room. Apparently I need to accept what the community decides is offensive in an extremely male dominated website, which is why I am posting here. More women.
Point is, what is and isn't offensive is a community decision
I'm asking the community.
Is is acceptable to make jokes about tits in chat? Is this Offensive?
Am I the problem OR Does our site need to be educated to understand what is appropriate in mixed company and how to behave?