366
votes

I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers. In case anyone is curious, this question was inspired by Jon's own comment to this question.

Now with official sanction from the powers that be!

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  • wow, +35k views: this is a dangerous form of popularity-you'll certainly see for yourself, once there's a "Is it possible to disprove the theorem that Jon Skeet cannot be downvoted" question on SO ;-)
    – none
    Commented May 20, 2009 at 13:28
  • 2
    Could someone explain to those poor lost souls how much they are mistaken? They refer to "Chuck Norris" for "programming" facts, instead of Jon! See "The Ultimate Top 25 Chuck Norris “The Programmer” Jokes": codesqueeze.com/… (and the last comments on that page)
    – VonC
    Commented Jun 20, 2009 at 10:08
  • 1
    @VonC: I saw your comment in that forum. Thanks for trying to set those heathens straight. :)
    – Bill the Lizard
    Commented Jun 26, 2009 at 2:44
  • digg.com/celebrity/Jon_Skeet_Facts
    – Thilo
    Commented Jun 30, 2009 at 10:55
  • 8
    Here is the question: Why? I respect Skeet. He's answered my questions. But... I mean, really...?
    – Frank V
    Commented Jul 1, 2009 at 22:51
  • 3
    Why don't we stop worshipping Jon Skeet?
    – Engineer2021
    Commented Nov 25, 2009 at 17:45
  • 2
    "I'm looking for Chuck Norris Facts style answers"? Surely from now on this style will be known as "Jon Skeet style answers"...
    – Matt
    Commented Nov 30, 2009 at 13:26
  • Jon Skeet is the reason threads are unsafe. Jon Skeet killed the iPhone.
    – plafayette
    Commented Feb 14, 2010 at 0:55
  • Ok, we have 11 pages of "facts", it's more than enough, especially on such topic. New answers won't be seen anyway. So, following the same logic applied for all CW questions reaching an impractical number of pages, I'm locking the question. If someone is unglad about it, feel free to contact me by email to discuss it.
    – Gnoupi
    Commented Jul 28, 2010 at 8:12

291 Answers 291

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17
votes

Even the sponsors know that trying to compete with the man is futile!

alt text

and he'd already answered that question too... just to rub it in.

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  • Jon Skeet's development workstation does not have a monitor. He never saw the point. In fact, the only reason he installed a video card is because the BIOS beep warning irritated his cat, who, by the way, also has more Rep than you.
  • Jon Skeet can appreciate music by opening an MP3 in a hex editor and reading it. He doesn't need a monitor for that either.
  • Jon Skeet can answer an incoming call from a modem, complete the handshake, then transmit files just by making sounds with his mouth. And he doesn't even look funny when he does this.
  • Jon Skeet's preferred method of image viewing is simply to look at the binary. For this reason he considers all graphics to be ASCII art.
  • There is no Dana, only Jon Skeet
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  • 2
    Nice. I once had a room mate who amazed our entire office by transferring files to a floppy disk at a DOS workstation with no monitor.
    – Bill the Lizard
    Commented Jun 4, 2009 at 19:57
  • 2
    how the hell can he see mp3 hex bytes without a video card?
    – Behrooz
    Commented Mar 17, 2011 at 18:38
  • 1
    @Behrooz - He's Jon Skeet.
    – Christopher
    Commented Sep 10, 2011 at 18:54
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  • Jon Skeet once wrote a bug in his code just to see what it was like.
    • Knuth has a check from Jon Skeet for $2.56 hanging on his wall.
  • The first post to Slashdot was "I for one welcome my Jon Skeet overlord."
    • Jon Skeet's Slashdot user id is a negative number.
  • When dragons write code they comment it with "Here be Jon Skeet".
  • In a debate between vi and emacs the winner would be Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet knows the fate of Schrödinger's cat.
  • The Turk had to be explained as a hoax because no one could figure out how Jon Skeet was able to control it from the future.
    • Deep Blue was really just a box concealing Jon Skeet.
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  • 1
    +1 for "Here be Jon Skeet". And for negative Slashdot user id. And for the bug found by Knuth. Why can't I upvote more than once?
    – mmyers
    Commented Sep 22, 2009 at 21:39
  • John skeet sets the constants of the universe so that it will evolve to contain the necessary butterflies.
    – user134495
    Commented Oct 19, 2009 at 14:46
  • +1 for the vi vs emacs one. and dragons.
    – snicker
    Commented Oct 29, 2009 at 14:51
  • I would have upvoted Jon Skeet knows the fate of Schrödinger's cat. but the rest is filler and/or duplicates
    – Perpetual Motion Goat
    Commented Aug 9, 2010 at 22:30
16
votes

Jon Skeet is so fast he could count to infinity... twice!

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  • 5
    Aleph 0 or aleph 1... or higher?
    – Jon Skeet
    Commented Nov 20, 2008 at 19:53
  • 1
    It must have been Aleph 0. I would have a hard time believing you counted to infinity Aleph 1 twice. :)
    – Bill the Lizard
    Commented Nov 21, 2008 at 14:10
  • ye of little faith...
    – Herms
    Commented Nov 21, 2008 at 16:58
  • Cool - learned something even from the tongue in cheek comments!
    – torial
    Commented Nov 21, 2008 at 16:58
  • 8
    Jon Skeet cannot help teaching you, even in his tongue-in-cheek comments.
    – Bill the Lizard
    Commented Nov 22, 2008 at 1:10
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I once challenged Jon Skeet to a coding competition. He beat me so bad it caused me to travel back in time to ancient Greece. While I was there, I learned that they actually had SIX elements: Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Aether and Jon Skeet.

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votes

Jon Skeet can determine the next random number in a sequence.

16
votes

Alan Turing is Skeet-Complete.

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  • Jon Skeet writes Java code that runs fast. The interpreter wouldn't dare run it slowly.
  • Jon Skeet invented Ruby as a joke.
  • There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who think they understand binary, and Jon Skeet.
  • Jon Skeet is able to reverse the polarity of any magnet just by looking at it.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't need a firewall. Malicious packets are too scared to enter.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't own a television. He simply demodulates the RF signals directly in his brain.
  • Jon Skeet doesn't require a security fob. The door opens out of fear.
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    Java is not exactly interpreted; it has a JIT compiler, just like C# does. (For the lay person, JIT stands for "Jon-Skeet In Time".)
    – mmyers
    Commented Feb 26, 2009 at 22:05
  • Fair enough, but I think it's more of an "NQIT" compiler - Not Quite In Time.
    – Valerion
    Commented Feb 27, 2009 at 9:17
15
votes

I opened up a can of awesome the other day - it had Jon Skeet in it.

He made me close it, and call Dispose() on it.

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  • I still don't get this one...
    – mmyers
    Commented Oct 22, 2009 at 22:03
  • @[mmyers]: It's like a can of Whoop-Ass, but far more awesome.
    – Steven A. Lowe
    Commented Oct 23, 2009 at 14:19
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Jon Skeet doesn't pay respect. Respect pays Jon Skeet.

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  • I've actually found him very polite and respectful, even when I've disagreed with him (which is not often). :)
    – Bill the Lizard
    Commented Nov 21, 2008 at 14:54
  • That's exactly my experience as well, and thus my inspiration for the "Norris-ism" here. :)
    – Robert S.
    Commented Nov 21, 2008 at 15:08
  • In Soviet Russia...
    – Eduardo León
    Commented Dec 23, 2008 at 23:11
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votes

Jon Skeet got an unobtanium badge.

And it's called 'Jon Skeet.'

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    I like this one so much that I hope they really give him the badge.
    – Bill the Lizard
    Commented Nov 22, 2008 at 23:49
  • Well, at least the 'badge' idea has been reused a couple of times. Jon Skeet works in mysterious ways.
    – Leonardo Herrera
    Commented Nov 28, 2008 at 18:18
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Jon Skeet can execute an infinite loop in 4 seconds.

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    4.3 seconds...he's not GOD you know.
    – Keng
    Commented Nov 25, 2008 at 14:28
  • 1
    That's what he wants you to believe...
    – EricSchaefer
    Commented Nov 26, 2008 at 9:49
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Jon Skeet solves NP-Complete problems in O(0).

14
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Jon Skeet cannot cause a null reference exception. If he points to null, an object materializes just for him.

14
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Jon Skeet has a probability greater than 1.

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  • When the Googleplex gets temporarily short of disk space (as happens occasionally) they borrow a few petabytes from Jon Skeet's toaster.
  • The time arbiter of last resort for pool.ntp.org is Jon Skeet's sundial.
  • Jon Skeet knows all of Bruce Schneier's passwords.
  • Jon Skeet has solved The Riddle of the Universe
13
votes

I was sooo close to closing this as an “exact duplicate” but I'm unable to find any related thread in the MS newsgroups. Can it really be that nobody had noticed before? ;-)

Anyway …

… Jon’s stack can’t overflow.

13
votes

Jon Skeet can write an operating system in machine language in binary using only 0s.

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  • He had 0's? We had to use the letter "O" (Dilbert)
    – fuz
    Commented Oct 7, 2011 at 15:50
13
votes

Jon Skeet is so fast that whenever light arrives somewhere new, Jon Skeet has already been there.

The only reason we didn't all die of the Y2K bug was because Jon Skeet was bored on new year's eve and decided to fix it.

13
votes

Jon Skeet's reputation score is actually defined as a multiple of the second-highest score.

13
votes

Jon Skeet can decode and listen to an MP3 file just by seeing the binary ...

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  • What's more, he can also read audio files encrypted with DRM - without the key.
    – uɐɯsO uɐɥʇɐN
    Commented Oct 4, 2011 at 2:51
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All your base are belong to Jon Skeet.

12
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Jon Skeet is the Stig.

12
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John Skeet will edit any post on the internet that spells his name incorrectly.

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    ... except this one, obviously.
    – Jon Skeet
    Commented May 7, 2009 at 13:59
11
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Jon Skeet can inherit a sealed class.

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  • Actually he can't, because Jon Skeet ordered the classes sealed to protect him from himself.
    – Windows programmer
    Commented Nov 25, 2008 at 6:10
11
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Jon Skeet doesn't like binary, octal, decimal or hexadecimal. He has always performed his calculations in base 2i.

11
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Even when the question doesn't make sense the Jon Skeet answer does.

11
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Jon skeet can speak French in Russian.

10
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Jon Skeet was once known as Mel Kaye.

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Chuck Norris and Jon Skeet walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

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    ...Jon Skeet walked out unharmed
    – Fry
    Commented Nov 24, 2008 at 5:04
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