Judging from the fact that there's been a lot of talk of venture capital being pumped into Stack Overflow lately, something hasn't been sitting well with me at all. Then I got to thinking.
Ever think about Jeff's user ID? It's 1. Seems innocuous, right? Like maybe he was the first user or something? But no, think about it. Jeff could have had any user ID he wanted. He could have had 1337 or 3735928559 or even -4. But those would have been too obvious for most conspiracy theorists. Jeff is a more subtle man than that.
For Jeff is even more devious than two Wilson Fisks. You see, 1 is the atomic number of hydrogen. And what is made of hydrogen? Well, a lot of things. So we need to narrow it down some more.
Fiddling with some more numbers, we come to realize that Jeff's name is "Jeff". But that's short for "Jeffry". That means he's missing two letters off of his name. His ID is 1, and he's missing 2 letters. Deuterium is hydrogen, having an atomic number 1 but an atomic mass of 2.
So what is the main use of deuterium? Nuclear fusion! Fusion is also the name of a chocolate bar. A really, really good chocolate bar. Oh man it's loaded with caramel and those little puffed rice things. Those little puffed rice things are sold in big blue boxes called Rice Krispies.
Unless I'm crazy (which I assure you I am not) Rice Krispies consort with marshmallows to produce the hybrid Rice Krispie squares. Now, how can marshmallows, which are round, be combined with Rice Krispies, which are cigar-shaped (not unlike UFOs), to form squares. Obviously it's the law of sines, which allows mathemagicians to create squares from circles and triangles.
Cosine and sine are abbreviated to cos and sin in mathemagical expressions. Clearly, then, it is a sin to create Rice Krispie squares. But more importantly, Wilson Fisk, the roundest man alive, is a sinner: The rounder the man, the more of a sinner he is.
Knowing this, we must conclude that Jeff is trying to use enormous amounts of deuterium to power a marshmallow-based graviton emitter to make himself look less round through gravitational lensing. By looking less round, people will mistakenly believe that he is not a sinner and therefore trustworthy. People will not stop and think that he is covering something up.
So what is he trying so desperately hard to cover up? The very fact that he is trying to cover something up. His devious self-referencing loop of lies has finally been exposed! No more will my fellows be confused by this convoluted web of mystery. I have prepared a graphical representation of this coding horror as my master stroke that will blow Jeff's plans out into the open:
